Is my partner rude to me?

It really doesn't matter if he has a mental health issue, a partner should make you feel better about yourself not worse. His behaviour is bullying and undermining. Please leave and find someone who deserves you.

Elizabeth1

Sorry everyone I’m not sure I agree with most of your posts. After a long time being married experience has taught me to listen more and learn sometimes to keep my mouth shut I too can give an opinion different from himself doesn’t mean to say I’m rude perhaps keeping mum will help! there’s worse things at sea as they say - grow a pair you’ll get through this.

Well it your choice but I would not stay in a relationship where I had to learn to keep my mouth shut.

I was with someone like this, opinionated, rude and arrogant. Never stayed in a job for long, so I had to pay for everything. If I said anything, it was 'none of my business' and when I left it was like a huge weight off my shoulders. I realised I had constantly been treading on eggshells, and the relief in getting away from this was overwhelming!

It seems he needs you more than you need him Shangela so of course he doesn't want you to leave. I never had any money back that was 'loaned' not a penny.

Only you know what you should do, and you have to be strong enough to do it, and don't give in to the emotional blackmail.

I hope you are not my sister in law, because he sounds just like my brother, who has got worse with age[.
I realise it will be hard to disentangle yourself, but be brave, this is no life for you.

Leave. Now.

Shangela123

Do you think it's just me who makes him this way and that he'd be suited to someone else ?

No, it is not just you! For the sake of your own sanity and self esteem move on.

He is nothing short of a controlling bully! He was obviously intelligent enough to actually get in to university and seemingly he is using that intelligence to manipulate you.

How many more guilt trips is he going to send you on before you open your eyes?

You deserve so much better than this.

You are stronger than you think. He’s made you feel you’re not strong. Is there anyone in your life that can help you?

Does he make you feel good about yourself, and wonderfully happy?

That's how you SHOULD feel in a relatively new relationship. If the answer is No, then end it now. There's someone lovely and supportive and kind out there, who you have yet to meet.

He has ADHD, it has been suspected that he's on the autistic spectrum, a few people have suggested it but never been diagnosed.
It's hard to leave after a year.
I supported him whilst he was out of work but I've said I want the money back once he's paid.
I need to be stronger though and leave.

Grow a pair?

Sorry everyone I’m not sure I agree with most of your posts. After a long time being married experience has taught me to listen more and learn sometimes to keep my mouth shut I too can give an opinion different from himself doesn’t mean to say I’m rude perhaps keeping mum will help! there’s worse things at sea as they say - grow a pair you’ll get through this.

Shangela, I think you have acquired a friend's ex, she got rid because of the exact same traits he displayed.
Please don't be a doormat.

FannyCornforth

I think that it's very sad and upsetting that many posters are blaming this man's abusive behaviour on what they believe is to be an autistic spectrum condition.

Shangela I think that he's trying to make you feel like you are lucky to have him. You most definitely aren't!
I had a clown like this once. His name was Steve. He was a right dipstick.

The reason I mentioned it was because I believe that my ex was on the spectrum and he spoke to me in a similar way. Even our daughter believed this to be true. He just wanted everything explained clearly and precisely and would put me down if I repeated myself. He was /is a really lovely kind person in many ways but it was only when the marriage was over that I realised how unhappy and lonely I had been with him.

The picture you paint is of the early stages of an abusive relationship.

everything is lovely and hunky dory to begin with, then the criticisms start, of ourse he is apologetic, but someone who is apologetic then tries not to do what they have been doing, he isn't.

The next stage sees the end of the apologies and his mental control of you growing, -then, possibly - using physical means to stop you when you complain.

You too sound very needy, supporting him financially and staying with him when he abuses you as he does. A partner in life is nice to have, but every woman should be capable of standing on her own 2 feet and manage without one.

I am sure you can as well. You do not need this man and he could possibly be a danger to you. Either pack your bags and go or give him his marching orders and give him a week to get out, and I mean a week, no extensions because he says he has nowhere to go, or cries and says he will change. he won't.

This sounds like very controlling behaviour. Belittling you to destroy your self confidence. You say you are "over sensitive" - who told you that? Is this something he tells you? At the moment you are standing up to him so he will say he is sorry - how long before he uses the "over sensitive" comment to further destroy your self confidence.

You almost ended it once but stayed because "he didn't want it to end" - what did YOU want? In your position I would leave now before his controlling behaviour gets any worse.

I would get out right now, whilst you can because it will probably get worse. Don't live your life like this, you deserve better than that. Good luck and courage to you!

This is not the long term relationship for you. Don’t let it drag on for years before ending it. The right person for you is out there somewhere and you won’t find him if you stay with this man.
He will tolerate you because you contribute much - you say you help him financially which is a powerful plus point from his point of view. But clearly, you irritate him and as time passes it won’t improve.

I think that it's very sad and upsetting that many posters are blaming this man's abusive behaviour on what they believe is to be an autistic spectrum condition.

Shangela I think that he's trying to make you feel like you are lucky to have him. You most definitely aren't!
I had a clown like this once. His name was Steve. He was a right dipstick.

By doing this to you he is belittling you and will gradually take your confidence in yourself away. Don’t let him do it. If necessary leave him. It is a form of mental cruelty I believe.

Oh, no. You need to put him in his place. Whenever he opens his pie hole inappropriately (and "inappropriately" means any way you don't like!) try saying "Shut up, dick."

Come back and report the results. :p

Both autistic & Gas-lighting came to mind as I read your post too.
Passive - agressive.
You've tried to talk to him but he doesn't seem to want to change. Get out before he pulls you down further.

BlueBelle

Is he autistic ?

That thought occurred to me, but it wouldn't make me stay. Better to leave now than have years of mental abuse and then realise you should have done it sooner.

Is he autistic ?

I think this sounds like coercive control.

None of this is your fault, stop thinking it is and get rid of him quick.
Apologies if I’ve missed something, but whose home do you live in? Or have you bought your home together? Either way you have to disentangle yourself.
You sound to me like you want someone to say ‘oh that’s quite normal, a lot of blokes are like that’ well it isn’t normal, it’s mean spiteful and insulting.
Don’t waste any more time on him.