Neighbours constantly asking for things

Stay on good terms but do not allow them to sponge on you. they clearly have not idea of social boundaries and need to be told. So you will have to be quite assertive and firm with them.

Please do not put anything in our skip. If when we have filled it, there is some space left, we will let you know. etc.

Edith81

In my younger days I was always very obliging and helpful so invariably would get taken advantage of. My mum noticed this and she quoted this “people would only do to you what you allow them to do.” I now live by this motto although still helpful if needed.

As my father used to say, 'they'll flog a willing horse to death.'

In my younger days I was always very obliging and helpful so invariably would get taken advantage of. My mum noticed this and she quoted this “people would only do to you what you allow them to do.” I now live by this motto although still helpful if needed.

What a cheek! The answer to using any of your stuff is NO!! They are taking the proverbial. Firm but polite is all you need x

One way to let them know you don't just mean "no" for whatever separate things they're asking for but "no" in general is "Well, we've got all we can do to keep on on ourselves. We can't take care of you too." Said with a sad face.

Or I guess I should say that's one way to "try" to let them know anything. People who actually ask their neighbors for a lot anyway tend to be too thick to take hints...

Of course, we only have one side of this story so I feel the need to play devil's advocate a bit here.
If the building materials had been there for a while and appeared to be surplus to requirements then they might have thought that by taking them off your hands they would be doing you a favour. With the skip, they didn't just put stuff in it - they asked you, so the neighbourly answer should surely have been that if there was space when you had finished, of course they could have it. (A real CF would just have dumped stuff in it when you weren't around!)
Asking about services and contractors? - well advice is quick and easy and costs nothing - you are obviously doing a lot in your house and probably have a head start on them and recommendations are always better than random choices.
Your husbands jobs - you said it was a shared gate, so that is for your benefit too (so why mention it?) and the solar panels - is this a major thing or just a five minute fix? If it's just knocking in a few nails for example and your husband is handy with a hammer, then what's the problem? They are probably not fit enough to do it themselves anymore if they are elderly and yes, they could ask their kids, but if your husband is already on the scene with his hammer, then why not just ask - he could always have said no. If they had, in conversation, said to you that their solar panels needed a nail knocking in and their son was coming next week to do it, your husband would probably have offered anyway! (I am assuming it is only a minor job otherwise it would require a professional).
The thing that I do find very odd however is the coming into your garden uninvited - What is all that about? I think your husband might have to apply his DIY skills to building some sort of gate as his next job (or - an idea from another thread on here - tell them that you are naturists and therefore need privacy in your garden! - that should stop them in their tracks!)
A new house is always stressful and I suspect that if their house is also new to them they are feeling stressed too so try to be kind - they could just be lonely and looking for friendship.
I hope you get everything sorted and can find a way to have a good relationship with your new neighbours

My relationship with my neighbour has never been good but this week it hit the skids. We both have similar bins for garden waste and I inadvertently took hers because it was right outside my gate. I hurt my knee a few days ago and have been hobbling around in a lot of pain on an elbow crutch. She came around later accusing me of stealing it (A bin FFS??) although mine is actually newer and cleaner than hers. I suspected mine was across the road where the bin guys had left it so asked her 3 times if she could fetch it so we could swap over. She refused. Just then a bin lorry passed and I managed to persuade one of the bin guys to pull it over. She grabbed onto hers like it was made of pure gold. Instead of going she was still whinging on.

I told her to fuck off!

No you're not being unreasonable, I think if it was me I'd have to start being out if I saw them knocking on my door.

Lillian40 that's precisely why these people have money, they never have to buy any food.

I had a neighbour like this about 35years ago. I have moved from that area now.
This woman started with borrowing 2 eggs, then a few potatoes, or a bottle of milk. I was getting a bit annoyed by this and decided to say I didn't have the things she was asking to borrow. My children were very young and at the local school. I was waiting one afternoon for them to come out of school and noticed a lady that I had seen in my road. We got talking and another lady joined us. We finished up laughing so much. It seems the woman borrowing food from me, was also borrowing from several other women in the same road. When we compared notes, she had borrowed Potatoes, tin of beans, sausage and eggs in one evening. The evening meal for her husband and her. They weren't short of money, they had a car a 3bedroom house, and always went away on holidays. We solved this problem by all saying the same when she came to borrow. Sorry! we don't have any. She got the same answer at each house, and that stopped instantly. These people are con people, they play on peoples good manners, thinking people wont have the courage to say no to them.

Tell them how much the skip costs and suggest a contribution. Tell them you're thinking of getting a dog and put up a fence...

We used to run our own business and two of our neighbours had work done by us but when the bill went in they didn’t want to pay. One eventually paid up but we had to take the other to court and go through mediation to obtain payment. It was very difficult and they have painted us as the ones in the wrong with some other neighbours, it has tainted our relationship with them. We vowed never to do work for friends or neighbours, we didn’t do ‘mates rates’ although it was expected and the work was quoted for beforehand.

Stop being so NICE!
Be illusive, distant, vague, dither a bit, be unreliable, unavailable and they will soon get fed up and move onto to someone else more efficient!

Ranworth1

What are CF's?

cheeky pluckers.
they will pluck you dry if you let them.

if they sent the text to your husband why didn't he get the items or decline to do so.

I would do a lot for people. I think neighbourliness is a lovely thing.
I agree that they've perhaps taken it a little far. But, hey, if you're not using the slabs, does it really matter?
We're having a skip soon for some work and have offered our neighbours some space in it.
I was a bit surprised the other day when I got a text from my husband at work, to say could I pick up some ingredients for them on the way home (I wasn't even going shopping)!
I replied that I didn't have my purse with me because, whilst I am kind, I am not a mug.
Decide what you will do in the name of neighbourliness but also, if you don't want to do something, there's always a way out (even if it involves a little fib).
Good luck!

Interestingly, I have just received an email from a cousin in the USA, who has allowed herself to become embroiled in a difficult situation. She was very kind and helpful to an elderly neighbour, and it snowballed. She ended up being persuaded to take on being Power of Attorney for the woman, who is now in a nursing home. My cousin has now had to take on responsibility for winding up the lady's estate - no mean task - and she's wishing that she'd never become involved. A warning to us all.

Don't look at them, don't give them any attention.

I remember my mum running herself ragged, looking after her elderly neighbour, though she was also elderly. She did her shopping, collected her pension, cared for her when she was ill, and often made herself ill, too, with stress.
The neighbour had several nephews and nieces who rarely visited. When she died, rather suddenly, they descended on the house almost before she was cold, stripping it bare. One knocked on mum’s door. Not to thank her for all her help, or offer her a momento, but to ask if mum had any of her neighbour’s pension money! She was really distressed at their cheek.
I have had mostly the same neighbours for 50+ years. We keep a friendly distance, knowing that anyone will help, in an emergency, and enjoying a chat if we meet. We rarely enter each others’ houses.
It’s sad that you are feeling so put-upon, nellgwynne, and hope that the helpful suggestions on here will teach your demanding neighbours to respect your boundaries.

Fence panel security brackets are useful too. ☺️

Fairly common problems - we put up a fence to stop neighbours getting into the garden over a wall - expensive but worth it. You have to be a bit thick skinned - they are playing the elderly helpless card a bit thick. Take advice = say no ( not sorry though = and that you have only got enough materials for your needs and any spare will be needed in the future. They should not come through a gate into your garden if you feel this is an invasion of your privacy = get a padlock - if they can walk in so could others. You need to up your security. Good luck

I meant: "I'm afraid not, no." Then silence.

(Fat fingers!!!!!)

I recently posted a neighbour issue in Ask a Gran and received great advice which gave me the courage to step back and set some boundaries.

I was quite horrified reading the OP as it is very cheeky to ask for things and how much etc. They sound like they make you feel uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed? If that's the case, they're overstepping a line, but may not be aware so the only way to stop it is by changing your replies or telling them straight. I personally would change my reply. My Mom always says she'll speak to hubby - say whatever gives you a bit of space if you can't say no. ? But I dare you to try! It honestly offends less than we think and I like to use silence: I'm afraid bit, no. Then silence. Very powerful.

On a lighter note, I recalled Mrs Doyle on Fr Ted, who said no: "It's a lovely word Our Lord gave us here on earth for when we don't want any cake!"

This type of behaviour makes me REALLY CROSS ! I have had neighbours and the neighbours’ families who try this sort of thing and even DEMANDED favours. “Grandma says I can use your garden .” “We always used to put our rubbish in your bin.” Tell them it’s not on or they’ll get worse.

Oh Lord, give some people an inch and they'll take a mile ! How awful to have to put up with that, then help themselves to your garden too !
Perhaps that's why the others moved ?
Maybe next time they're mowing their lawn you could ask them to leave the mower out so that you can do yours.

You either play them at their own game, until they latch on, or call a halt altogether. Cheeky beggars. I couldn't be doing with people like that. I wouldn't be very nice with them I can tell you.