Neighbours constantly asking for things

YANBU but sadly you are living next door to takers, I wonder if they actually realise they are being unreasonable themselves,maybe previous next door neighbours were different to you and shared different bits and pieces, I think I would be like yourselves helping them as much as I could but there would be a limit as I wouldn’t be taken advantage of I’d be nipping it in the bud early on

the husband makes a point of telling me “Oh, I bet you have seen bigger ones than mine”

Oopsadaisy1

Sometimes you find that elderly neighbours will zoom in on a younger couple who they will ask to do things so that ‘ they don’t have to bother their own children’ the ‘children’ are happy because they know that if there is a problem the neighbour will help to sort it out.
As your neighbours get older you could find yourself in a similar situation to another poster on a similar thread.
Say no now, be friendly but set your boundaries before they get worse.

We had this problem with two friends. They had three adult children whom they could have asked to help with things but they said they didn't want to ask them because they were "too busy". We had four children and both had very full time jobs, my husband working away all week.
It was very difficult to tell them why we were no longer always able to help them, but we just backed off and were unavailable. It was a shame because they were good friends but just too demanding.

They often do their gardening naked

Well put llunicorn

I agree with unicorn and kitty - be kind. Just give them boundaries and do so gently.

We have a neighbour who has older children. Many many alcohol laden garden parties! Never a “were having a party”
When they occasionally come to our door they peer in our front window.
Only the type of neighbours who take.

I agree with 11unicorn. Be kind, one day you may need help from a neighbour.

What are CF's?

They are Mickey takers. I agree you don’t change because you get older. We have lived in our house for 48 years, During that time we have helped neighbours as they got older and shopped for them, helped by sorting bins out for them on a weekly basis and generally being on hand. My dh used to go in next door and clean the house. He was in there when he suddenly died and an ambulance and his children had to be called. That does not mean that we expect anyone to do anything for us as I am a couple of weeks away from 80 and my dh is two years older. In fact it is the opposite as we still help our new neighbours in any small way that we can. As for using their skip unless we are invited to do that is unbelievable. I am saying all this to tell you that you definitely do not change because of old age.

the neighbour who lifts up the fence panel - could you find a way of holding it secure, but enabling the necessary movement that you need with a fence panel. Nort sure what it is but there must be some way . Maybe a couple of eyes and zip ties on the bottom that prevent someone from removing it, but it could retain the movement and be easily removable
.

totally unacceptable my younger son whos just brought his first house had a skip as it need renovation and his new neighbour asked if he could pay half towards it as he had a few kids bikes that he had never got round to selling they are very nice people and thats how it should be some very good answers on here

cheneslieges132

A message to poshpaws - What is CF please?

Cheeky Fucker!

A message to poshpaws - What is CF please?

Sadly some people ask their children and are met with all sorts of excuses. Same when trying to arrange a day to meet up. In the end you just give up. Still no excuse to be cheeky with neighbours though.

It's not on, feel sorry for you. I had a Chinese lady & her kids as neighbours at my last house. She constantly asked me to phone places for her on MY phone, asked me for things, etc saying she couldn't speak English. I was then told by another neighbour she has a good a good chatter with the other mums at the school gates and her English was great! People just take the micky out of you, tell them "I'm sorry but no you can't", only way you will get peace.

I totally agree with the many pp's who say to let them know, politely, that enough is enough and to have a polite refusal at the ready for next time they ask for something.
Yes, we should be civil with our neighbours because we never know when we might actually need them but it doesn't do to be in each other's pockets and it's always good to have your own back up plans because you can't necessarily rely on other people.
Like one pp, I take in parcels for a few of my neighbours, mainly because I'm the one who's at home all day every day whilst they're all out at work and occasionally they'll accept one for me. We say hello in the street and ask after each other's families' welfare but that's pretty much where it all stops, with the exception of the lovely teenage lad on the one side who loves my dog and will occasionally ask whether he can take him out for a walk. I've never asked him to, he does it because he wants to. I've always sent a tin of chocolates to each of my 2 immediate neighbours at xmas just because I'm neighbourly and I do give my dog walking neighbour birthday gifts, I feel it acknowledges his generosity.
I would also say that I'm disabled and live alone but have always been very independent, I've never asked anything of my neighbours although on a few occasions when I've been due to go into hospital for operations I've let them know that i would be away from home for a few days and they've said that they would keep an eye on the house and check in on me afterwards to see whether I needed anything but no knock on the door or phone call ever came.
I did also wonder throughout all these lockdowns whether they would think that I might need a little help, like bringing a loaf of bread or bottle of milk in for me when they were going shopping for themselves, because I had to shield myself, but no. Fortunately, as previously mentioned I am very independent (I've had to be) so I've just sucked it up and accepted that if by having to go shopping I might catch covid and die, then so be it but I'm still here and I have no-one to thank for it but myself.
I'm looking to move house in the next 12 months and 'hope' that my new neighbours will have similar ideas on how neighbours should be towards each other.

Gracequirrel
Older people don’t like to bother their own children

Some older people, and I suspect, some younger people Grace...

just saying,, praps I am feeling a bit touchy today,, but I said, I don`t ask my neighbours, I help them!

Totally agree with feeling my age 55 ...yiu need to decide on then practise your answers ....Family and extended family comes first for everything, and I would normally sell surplus, even small quantities. You could also answer , " I was going to sell it .." and see if they offer you anything. I suppose in the end it' s all about setting your limits ....

A few years ago I had a very good friend in the village - she has since remarried and moved away. We had children at the same time - it was always me who drove us to NCT classes as she couldn’t drive. Then the typewriter shenanigans! She wanted to borrow it to type up an essay and I said fine. After a few weeks I needed it back - I was secretary of the local playgroup and needed to type up some minutes. She still needed it! In the end I rang her up and said my OH was coming round to collect it because I couldn’t carry it. She then made him wait for about an hour. Anyway, I got the thing back and never let her have it again. Fortunately I’m not a doormat and am not afraid to speak up! Always politely though. Maybe we should have a thread about why so many women are doormats and refuse to stand up for themselves. It is 2021 after all.

I’m surprised you’ve put up with this for so long, and now it’s difficult to stop it.

I think you’ve just got to say ‘we’re very busy sorting out our new home, and don’t what we need just yet, so we can’t give anything away. When we have finished with the skip, if there is any room we will let you know’. As for coming into your garden, do as another GN says - say it’s not safe. Good luck.

Just tell them a polite and simple no. Warn them if they come in to your garden and have an accident they will be liable as it is private property.

Yes we have been there and got the tee shirt to prove it. We have the same next door to us. We have outdoor security lights back and front when next door gets her washing in off the line she waves her arms about to activate the light, we have CCTV so if they get the chance they park their car under the CCTV.
We came home from shopping to find them in our back garden using their hosepipe on our outside tap watering their garden and filling up their newly dug pond. Because they know we are of NHS background they think they can ask us for over the counter meds if they are not feeling well. They often do their gardening naked it does not bother us however the husband makes a point of telling me “Oh I bet you have seen bigger ones than mine”. Having said all that, on the positive side they are very friendly and very nosey so they keep an eye on our house if we are away and every Christmas they buy us gifts as we do them.

I have not read all the replies but people seem so negative.
Maybe the people before you were such good friends and that was the kind of relationship they had with them - and probably with the same kind of behaviours on both sides.
While I agree that you will have to set boundaries, you can do that in nice conversations - you said they are elderly so they may not realize that their behaviour is annoying as it maybe what they used to have all the time.
In a conversation you can ask about the previous owners and if they were friends and where they have gone etc. Then talk about that in your previous property you enjoyed the peace and quiet and nobody coming in. If there is no fence between your gardens - you can then easily bring up that you were thinking on erecting a privacy fence.

I do enjoy my privacy as well but we also need to help each other out in this world. Be firm where you have to be firm but let them down politely till they get a feel of what is alright with you and what is not.

The local police here operate a security advice scheme. You can book an appointment and they come round and advise on things like window locks and door chains, and where not to hide your front door key, BUT a community policeman comes in uniform. Perhaps a little white lie might be in order, along the lines of, “We noticed veg were being stolen from our garden and reported it to the police”? Probably wouldn’t work in an area where the police have things like stabbings to worry about, but it’s quiet where we live. And if your conscience troubles you, say to the policeman while he’s there, do you ever have any problems with produce going missing around here? As in, do we need to secure our garden!