Stroppy Teenager or is it me?

But you are equipping her with a wrong understanding of risk. As human beings we arent very good at risk management.

We're talking about a lonely area that the girl was unfamiliar with. It's not sensible for someone so young to wander in a place like that on her own. That's not to say she can never go out in places she knows or with friends. At University they are out all the time, but usually with friends and in a familiar area.

i agree with grandtante.
at age 16 person can leave home and go live elsewhere if they want.
this person was 17 and only wanted to go out for some fresh air. at 9pm ?
i do understand the concerns, but what about her dignity, not to be cooped up, and have no autonomy.
i am surprised actually that she didn't just go out anyway.
i think she showed great forebearance not to do so.

Chestnut

Hithere

Chestnut
Yes, men stay indoor at night while women get out.

That would work great, I mean it.

So the majority of men who are not murderers or rapists have to be punished and confined because of the few that are? My goodness, you must really hate men! ?

it's nothing to do with hating men, but think about it, imagine if that was the law, don't you think men would make more effort to police each other.
why have we accepted that women, who very rarely commit violent crimes should be restricted, because some men do.

At what age do you begin to allow them to go out alone in the evening? You could equip all teenage girls (or older) with rape alarms, make sure you can track their phones . Whatever precautions you feel you need to take, there must come a point at which you will allow - even encourage - independent movement. If you don't give it, they will take it.

Hithere

Chestnut
Yes, men stay indoor at night while women get out.

That would work great, I mean it.

So the majority of men who are not murderers or rapists have to be punished and confined because of the few that are? My goodness, you must really hate men! ?

Chestnut
Yes, men stay indoor at night while women get out.

That would work great, I mean it.

Hithere

It is honestly appalling and disgusting to restrict a woman's actions for fear of rape/violence.

Very mysoginistic. It is time that men go through the same restrictions as women and taught true consequences for their actions

What if it had been a GS, could he have gone out?

Appalling and disgusting to take sensible measures to keep yourself safe? If we lived in a perfect world all men would be decent chaps and women could do as they like. But as we know that is far from true. What do you want to do, keep all men indoors after 6pm because some of them are rapists and murderers?
It has never been sensible or safe for young women to wander around lonely areas on their own at night, and it never will be.

I might be being over suspicious but it looks to me as if she might have met someone over the Internet and arranged to meet them. I certainly wouldn’t have let her go out on her own in an unknown place despite much stomping or door slamming.

The thing is - the first time people do things - whatever they are - is the first time, whether they do them at 12, 17 or 21.

Waiting until someone is older before allowing freedoms won't make them better able to cope with them. Only experience will do that, and denying them the chance to get experience is not helping them. It might help their caregivers by cutting down on worry for them, but it won't help a 17 year old to confine her to her grandparents' house after 9.00pm, particularly in a village, rather than a city centre.

Teenage strops are not edifying, but what other way do they have of expressing their frustration? It sounds as though your grand-daughter has very little control over her choices for a 17 year old girl, so maybe cut her a bit of slack?

At 17 she's only a year off (possibly) of going away to university.
I do understand your worry but I think I'd have let her go.

I think you were quite right to want to go with her . I live in a lovely quiet area but if either of my daughters had wanted to go for a walk around here, at 17 or up to them leaving home in their 20s AT NIGHT, I would have gone with them. An ex pupil of mine was found dead , just yards from her home. She was walking home at night in s lonely area. Her killer was never found. It happens. Well done for taking the ‘unpopular ‘ line to keep your GD safe.

"It doesn’t bode well for future visits does it".

What future visits would that be? I doubt she'll stay again.

I'm not saying you were wrong, Oopsadaisy, it was a dilemma and you did what you thought right. My own daughter (lives away) does things that I worry about but they don't bother her. I say nothing . It's awful to live life in fear of what might happen.

I wouldn’t have let her, and lived with the grumps. My teenage GD goes up to London without her parents, but with a friend or in a group.
I would be really curious to know why she wanted to go out in the dark in a thunderstorm?

It is honestly appalling and disgusting to restrict a woman's actions for fear of rape/violence.

Very mysoginistic. It is time that men go through the same restrictions as women and taught true consequences for their actions

What if it had been a GS, could he have gone out?

I think she probably was calling a mate or BF and didn’t want to risk being heard. At her age I’d have been sneaking out for a fag! Nowadays it’ll be a vape!

You should have probably tried to explain your concerns to her she may have understood? Might be worth apologising to her and suggest you both go for walk together.

Good luck ?

At 17 I think she should have been allowed out on her own, but with a few warning words that life where you live is not like her country life.

I assume that other adults go out at 9 pm where you live. Is it a high crime area?

I understand that you are worried but we do worry more as we get older.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You could be talking about our villlage except we have more pubs. The playing field area is in an isolated spot up a dirt track, where the ‘ne’re do wells’ hang out in the evening, so I wouldn’t have let her go either. The rest of the village is ok, day or night.

Surely at the age of 17 she knows about cars. I would think someone telling me about cars at the age of 17 was bonkers.

I agree @geekesse, it’s the first thing I thought of.
Not wanting gran around.
Sudden urge to go for a walk
Big strop in the bedroom

The reason I thought this? My son did it at 15....and so did I.
Hope you are ok. It is a tricky situation, she is almost adult, but entrusted in your care. As you say the traffic is very busy, and post thunderstorm in open fields, I can understand your reasons.

I also thought she might have started smoking. I used to do this and think nobody knew.
I agree with you about the safety, especially if it's not what she's used to, and it would be dark, or very soon.
Maybe have a chat with her about the cars at speed, which areas have signal and who to avoid.

I imagine that like all teenagers this girl has a mobile phone and knows how to phone for help.

Once she is 18 you cannot legally stop her doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants to.

For the sake of your future relationship, apologise. Say you over-reacted thinking of some of the people you would not care to meet at night when you were on your own.

Are the really so dangerous? I find that hard to believe if you are living in a village.

Have I misunderstood? Is Village with a capital V part of a dangerous town?

Admittedly, we are all scared sick at the thought that a young girl could be attacked and raped. Our mothers must have been too when we were young.

I had lived away from home for over a year when I was your granddaughter's age and had to go out and about on my own.

Whether that was safer in 1971 is really beside the point, as rape is still the same dreadful experience, but we cannot wrap the young up in cotton-wool, even if we would like to.

In the 1930s my big brother taught me how to break the grip of a man grasping my wrists.