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Stroppy Teenager or is it me?

(129 Posts)
Oopsadaisy1 Thu 03-Jun-21 16:57:25

Last night the rain and thunder had passed, but it was quite gloomy at 9pm, GS is reading his book , GD suddenly says that she wants to go out for a walk, I said that either I or DH would get our shoes on and come with her, but she said No she wanted to go on her own.
She is 17
She lives in the West Country and hasn’t been here for over a year and apart from us doesn’t know anyone.
She doesn’t know who to stay away from in the Village ( of some 100 homes, plus a conference centre and a Pub) and ther are a couple of people that even I avoid.
The Playing field where she said she wanted to go is surrounded by trees and woodland and is quite isolated.
I know that she often meets her friends in her local town, but here she doesn’t know anyone and nobody would know who she is as she has changed beyond all recognition from the cute little girl to a tall willowy young lady.
We have no pavements and the cars shoot through at speed.
Mobile phone signal is patchy and only available in certain parts of the Village which she wouldn’t know about.
So I said sorry but I wasn’t comfortable with it and she couldn’t go

She slams out of the sitting room and stomps around in her room for an hour or so.

Was I being so unreasonable? She is scared of the thunder and I can’t understand why she had the sudden urge to go out on her own.

Maybe I should have let her go and followed her jumping from hedge to hedge behind her from a distance?

Goodness, gone are the days when she did as she was told..........

If we had been out shopping I wouldn’t have thought twice about her going round the shops on her own.

It doesn’t bode well for future visits does it.

midgey Thu 03-Jun-21 17:00:57

She’s seventeen...... surely old enough to make decisions about her own safety.

timetogo2016 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:02:23

Welcome to stroppy always knows best teenagers.
You have a valid point, but so has she.
And tbh,it will get worse before it gets better,pick your arguments seem to be the in thing.
I would be the same as you tbh,not that that helps.

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 17:02:57

She is 17, not 5!

How smothering of you

Please apologize to her right now.

She will be a legal adult in less than a year.

"Goodness, gone are the days when she did as she was told.........."

"Maybe I should have let her go and followed her jumping from hedge to hedge behind her from a distance?"

You have to be kidding me!

tanith Thu 03-Jun-21 17:05:06

My 16 yr old GD went into central London for the first time without Mum yesterday she was with a couple of friends but her Mum and I were tearing our hair out all day so I understand how you feel. I think I would of felt as you did for your GD but it probably would of been fine she’s almost an adult and responsible for her own well-being.

MerylStreep Thu 03-Jun-21 17:07:01

i can’t understand why she had the sudden urge to go out on her own Really?
She’s 17, she’s looking for a signal. It’s their life blood ?

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:13:21

We have a signal indoors using the wifi. She has her own room here so she has her privacy.

If she had some local knowledge of the Village , footpaths, short cuts etc. Or even a safe door that she could knock on if she was worried, It might have been different.

Maybe I should walk her around the Village tomorrow and show her where the phone signal is best and short cuts to use to get away from
anyone she isn’t sure of .

There are a lot of strangers in the Village at the moment at the conference centre, all wandering about so that was another issue.

EllanVannin Thu 03-Jun-21 17:14:04

Unless she'd had a friend with her I'd have been mortified.
Society in general isn't what it used to be and besides you were responsible for her welfare while she was with you. Would her parents have allowed it ?

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:21:09

ElenVannin I spoke to her Mum this morning, she said if it had been in the day time she would have let her go, but if it had thundered we know that she would have freaked out, so she said not to worry about it and welcome to her world!

TBH I think if her Mum (DD1) had been here she would have been quite happy to have gone out with one of us, I think she was seeing how far she could push the boundaries.

Anyway, she went shopping with DD 2 this afternoon and got her ears pierced.......
So she’s happy again.

EllanVannin Thu 03-Jun-21 17:28:42

Glad to hear that she's happy now Oopsadaisy, I know how trying teens are. hmm

EllanVannin Thu 03-Jun-21 17:29:28

Anything for a quiet life grin

Grannyben Thu 03-Jun-21 17:30:07

I really do appreciate what previous posters have said about her being old enough but, if it was my 17 year old granddaughter wanting to go out, on her own, to an isolated woodland area, I would have also said no. Whilst in my care, they are my responsibility.

Coolgran65 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:37:03

Perhaps let her go for a walk on her own with instructions of where not to go. With a time limit to be back for.
(And does she have a tracker on her phone.... I’ve just tossed that in, not sure a teen would want granny checking up).
She could go for an evening walk before properly dark to get a feel of the place.

Possibly she was a push for a little independence in one of the ways she saw possible.

Coolgran65 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:37:56

**was making a push....

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 17:37:59

"How trying teens are?"

How about some adults?

Nightsky2 Thu 03-Jun-21 17:38:16

I wonder if there’s a boyfriend that she’s not telling you about and she wanted more privacy. Anyway, I hope she’s apologised for her stroppy behaviour in your house!.

V3ra Thu 03-Jun-21 17:42:28

From your description of the area she intended to walk around, in the dark, on her own... common sense tells me I wouldn't have gone. And I'm certainly an adult.

BlueBelle Thu 03-Jun-21 17:49:57

It’s a hard one isn’t it ? I can see both sides of the coin most 17 year old are stroppy and do want to go out on their own my granddaughters have flown alone from 16 and another one went to London with friends at 16
I always tried to keep it in perspective when my kids were growing up and think of my grandad who was fighting in France at 16 ( he altered his birth certificate as many did )

But on the other hand if it was a lonely secluded country area evening time (an area they didn’t know well ) I d too would have been worried too
I think I d probably have said let’s give mum a ring and see what she thinks as you don’t really know the area especially as it’s 9 pm which is quite late to go out on your own in a area you’re not familiar with
She was making a point want she ?

Calendargirl Thu 03-Jun-21 17:54:29

I can see both sides. Yes, she’s 17, but how would you have felt if, God forbid, she hadn’t returned?

The recent PCSO who was found after taking her dog for a walk close to her home, Sarah, forgotten surname, disappeared when walking home….

It happens to someone’s daughter, granddaughter, wife, girlfriend, sister….

But thankfully rarely.

geekesse Thu 03-Jun-21 18:04:33

Perhaps she wanted a cigarette?

Lolo81 Thu 03-Jun-21 18:16:22


Perhaps she wanted a cigarette?

That was exactly what I thought! She was trying to sneak out for a quick puff without anyone seeing!

Chestnut Thu 03-Jun-21 18:42:59

From your description it doesn't sound very safe for a young girl to be wandering around alone after dark. At her age she simply doesn't have enough experience of the dangers. And before she starts going out clubbing the main lesson to drill home is never leave your friends because there is safety in numbers.

ElaineI Thu 03-Jun-21 18:52:24

I went to Majorca with a friend when I was 17. When I was 16 I went youth hostelling with my friend all round the north of Scotland - even travelled to Orkney, Harris, Lewis and Skye. In Skye the YH was full and were directed to police station who gave us a list of people offering accommodation. We shared a caravan in someone's back garden with a very old back packing Australian lady and a man in early 20's. Back tracking - when I was 15 I went youth Hostelling in central Scotland with 2 friends. We hitched lifts. Never forgotten those experiences. Maybe the world was different then - come to think of it - no mobiles, we used a wind up phone thing once in a farm on the lower slopes of Ben Lomond as we were going to be late arriving at the next hostel.

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 19:02:51

The sense of danger changes also depending on age and depending on personality.

For example a rollercoaster- you see more youngsters than elder people

Oopsadaisy1 Thu 03-Jun-21 19:12:12

You probably see more youngsters on a rollercoaster because older people have health problems that are exacerbated by the motions of Fairground rides. I can’t go on them as I have inner ear problems.

Nothing to do with risk.