Entertainment or Cruelty?

Pushing game!??? What in earth is that all about , madness! The childrens entertainer should never have asked that question. Your grandsons parents might like to consider a special school , a difficult decision I know . However your grandson may blossom in an environment that is tailored to his needs.

Sarnia

A children's entertainer ought to know better than ask such a question. One thing that struck me, though. Your grandson was invited to a birthday party. This is often an occasion where a special needs child is rarely, if ever, asked to join in. How lovely that he was seen as a friend and invited.

That’s what I thought.Our oldest DGS ( now a teenager) has never been asked to a party and has no friends at all.He has autism and is intelligent and sensitive.It was heartbreaking when he was younger ( still is, really.)
Forget the entertainer at the party, especially as it didn’t bother the boy, but your DS should contact the teacher and ask her to correct any mention of ‘naughty’ in class.In the playground there’s nothing that can be done.
I hope your DGS can continue at school with help given, most children struggle if they are on the spectrum.

greenlady102

I am 67 and pushing games were banned in my school when I was 7! I am not a parent or grandparent but I thought words like naughty weren't used in schools now? and yes I would be having a quiet friendly word with the entertainer.

yes, that's a good point.
one shouldn't say a child is naughty.
might say he/she did a naughty thing.
but best to avoid the word.

BlueBelle

Granny23 that is awful and definitely needs a follow up beyond the resort manager who is obviously of the same ilk

yes, could it be reported to SS as safeguarding concern.
his jokes sound very dubious.
could be grooming ?

I’d be inclined to see if the police could be persuaded to look into the matter of the holiday camp ‘entertainer’. What he said about different nationalities might be construed as hate crime and the sexual content was highly inappropriate. Perhaps a visit from them would get him to change his behaviour. Amazed the holiday camp management seemed to think this was ok. Young children so easily pick up on and repeat/adopt unacceptable behaviour.

I do remember at school the boys were organized to play “British Bulldog”, it was a giant rugby scrum. I honestly can’t remember wether it was last man standing or wether it was a team from each “house”, probably the latter. I do remember the girls cheering “their” team on, it was good fun. No punching or charging, the weaker ones dropped out leaving the strongest pushing to cross the winning line, these days of course the girls would have a team as well.
It sounds like the OPs GS would have done well.

Thank you all for your replies. They are helpful and have given me food for thought about tackling the issue with the school.
The pushing games are of a concern and I don't understand it myself. I suspect that they are not actually "allowed" but possibly just not policed. I did wonder whether the game they play, "Duck, Duck, Goose," descends into a "pushing game" amongst children who are still very young.
vegansrock, I understand what you are saying and all forms of education were considered for my DGS. He was observed within the nursery setting and it was noted that he followed the other children with the tasks set (even though he was non-verbal) and he followed their behaviours too. It was felt that if he went to an SEN school, where the children are very often in their own little world/non-verbal/struggling socially and not responding enthusiastically, he would not have role models to learn from. He is now speaking in sentences, some of which I understand(!) and has come such a long way, from a learning point of view, he is in the wrong place. I suspect that he will be a little bit of a square peg in a round hole wherever he goes.
We have been very happy with the way the children within the school have been inclusive, he has been to so many parties. He has made a particular friend who he meets outside of school and his mother, who is very shy, has found a friend too so it it has been really good for them.
My son has been really straight with the school about knowing the worst of any issues and needing full transparency. He doesn't want to have to read between the lines, he wants to be able to work with his son on any issues. I think I will advise him to be transparent with the school about how this is going to affect his child as he gets more aware and ask the school to address it.
As to the entertainer, an opportunity to educate was missed but my son will be ready to tackle this on future occasions.
When my children were younger they were rather dumbfounded by the entertainer who talked about rowing parents and argumentative siblings in the journey there. We didn't row or bicker in front of them and they sang hymns (atheist husband somewhat bemused) or played games on the way. We just wouldn't have let them argue or fight. They were also horrified by the continued use of the word, "Shut-up". I wouldn't let them use it, "Be quiet," was quite adequate!!!

That holiday camp 'entertainer' was disgusting! I shudder to think what he would have said to any black children. Going off at a slight tangent; we were on a cruise and for once, decided to go and see the comedian in the theatre, not usually our cup of tea. On walked something from the 1970s, complete with frilly shirt and sweaty forehead. A young Indian waiter ducked along the front of the stage to deliver drinks and he said look out! another one has just waded ashore!. We got up, left, complained, despairing at others who found this 'entertaining'.

Yes GRANNY 23 that holiday camp childrens "entertainer" should be investigated that is wrong on so many levels.

This reminds me of the time, a teacher, slid up to me in the playground and said, Do you find .... is naughty. She was referring to my child. I said, yes, when .... is bored. The teacher looked taken aback. Apparently the teacher had a habit of asking parents that question. I never heard of any parents asked that question ever again.

I’d really like to hear what the pushing game is. I asked my DGC (primary and secondary and they all immediately said pushing isn’t allowed, even in the playground.

User7777

This reminds me of the time, a teacher, slid up to me in the playground and said, Do you find .... is naughty. She was referring to my child. I said, yes, when .... is bored. The teacher looked taken aback. Apparently the teacher had a habit of asking parents that question. I never heard of any parents asked that question ever again.

That reminds me of a teacher my son had in reception. She was known for, shall we say, having a weaker form of discipline, in that the children were often not behaving well in class.

One day , she told me that sometimes, my son liked to ‘ run’ the class. I replied, ‘ well, someone’s got to do it!’

And yes, what on earth is a ‘ pushing game?’ Honestly feel like giving up?

I'm not sure what a "pushing" game is either. When I was teaching several games were banned in the playground and pushing certainly was. It's something which so easily slips from fun into violent play, and I don't think your GS is alone in not realising when he is being too rough it's a common thing amongst young children.
I think as adults as well we sometimes mistake the values children put on things. I understand your DS doesn't want his child to be labelled because he has difficulties and these impact on his behaviour. But with children the term"naughty" isn't always a negative one, indeed it brings with it some sort of status. I think also that children differentiate between children who behave badly. Your GS is obviously popular so the others see him as someone who sometimes makes mistakes but who is friendly and caring, rather than someone to be avoided because his behaviour is bad.
If I were your son I'd approach the school and ask them to review their health and safety rules for playtimes and breaks with specific emphasis on pushing.
If that entertainer has a reviews section somewhere on social media I'd post a negative review.
I do think you are doing a wonderful job with your GS who is obviously developing and adapting to school. I hope he continues to thrive.

"Pushing games"! - what the heck!?

Silly entertainer to ask such a thoughtless question.

Granny23

Icanhandthemback I am wondering if the school has explained to the other children in the class that your grandson:

*is very clever at .....
*pointing out to the children when he (and any other children) do the right thing, are NOT naughty!
*pointing out when he ( or other children) do something kind

It sort of looks like the balance isn't there, despite their efforts to help him fit in.

Young children can also quite easily understand when someone has special needs and can then be eager to help ...as long as it is explained and they are supported.

My granddaughter had a little girl in her class who sounds similar to your grandson; the school explained to all the children that she needed help to remember the right thing to do, to remember when not to do things, to realise her own strength. They also deliberately involved her in specific activities but after an initial reminder of the right way to participate, with regular "mini reminders" to support her. The children were kind and tolerant of her needs , worked to include her and she was an asset for the whole class. That was from 5 years old!

I do think a conversation needs to had with the school and perhaps they could do some lessons on the subject of being different and how that affects different people in different ways, hair , skin & eye colour how their brains work and some people are good at maths /reading/drawing , try and find a positive thing in each child rather a negative. I am sure there is practical support for teachers, perhaps get some proper literature together and ask to speak at one of the teacher training days.

I remember one primary school teacher complaining that the class seemed to find my ASD grandson's "lectures" much more entertaining than her lessons. I felt like saying "Perhaps if you lessons weren't so boring" but I managed to restrain myself.

25Avalon

Peach blossom that is true but nonetheless you should not be working with children without an in date DBS.

It is not good to use 'you' in such a sentence.

It is better to write 'someone' as otherwise it reads as if the statement is being made to a specific person, indeed telling them off.

If someone uses that format to me, I correct them, perhaps saying 'But I am not doing that and have not done so."

That usually get a reply that they did not mean 'you you' and I reply by saying, "Well, use 'someone' then rather than 'you'".

People often use that way of speaking in commenting on government policy. If the speaker means 'a government' then that term should be used, not 'you'.

Some years ago I was watching Questions to the Prime Minister on the Parliament Channel. Although other television channels go back to the studio for people to discuss it, the Parliament channel stays with the proceedings.

A 10-minute rule bill came up. It was about osteopaths. It was a bill to require professional registration for osteopaths as up until then it was said that anyone could quite legally set themself up as an osteopath without any regulation.

A registration requirement and associated training, qualification and professional standards requirement would be good to have for children's entertainers, on top of the police check.

So writing to Members of Parliament would seem to be one way of possibly getting something done.

Going back over sixty years ago, I was about ten and at primary school, a two-tier system back then, no middle school.

One morning at assembly, at the time when assembly would normally finish, the headmaster said he had something to ask us about. (They were called headmaster then, I think it is headteacher now.)

He explained that living locally was a little boy who had never been to school and that he was seven years old and that was because unlike for all of us, something had gone wrong when he was born.

It was explained that he needed to go to school.

So there were two possibilities. One was that he would have to go away and live at a special school away from his parents and his brother. We all thought that sounded horrible. There was another possibility, he could come to our school and then he could stay with his parents and his brother. We thought that was better. The headmaster then explained that that was only possible if we all agreed that whatever he said or did, whether in school, or in the playground, or anywhere, that we would not get in a fight with him or say anything to him and so on.

Then we were all asked whether we would all promise to do that so that he could stay at home with his parents and his brother. We all agreed.

He did not join the class that a seven-year old would normally be in, but was in the infants class (though not the initial reception class) where a very experienced lady teacher looked after him.

What was amazing was that he drew pictures in 3d whereas everyone else drew them flat, including we older ones.

There used to be a Fry's chocolate painting contest each year for primary schools. Everybody got a printed board game and there were a very few National prizes, not one per school.

He won one of the National prizes. We were utterly amazed.

Should be very pleased that this child was invited to a birthday party. So often, children on the ASD spectrum become totally isolated from their school mates. I can still remember so well, my gson having sent out about a dozen invites for his 8th birthday party, receiving about three reples, saying they would attend, and then waiting at home amidst decorations and cake and no-one came. Never invited to anyone else;'s party either!!! Heartbreaking for all - especially as his youner sister, whose birthday was two weeks later had virtually the whole class wanting an invite to HER party.

Well in the past now, he is a happy, well adjusted 32 hyear old doing his Masters degree in Chemical studies. No very close friends, but definitely several good aquaintenances.

Think that the so-called entertainer at the Holiday Camp needs reporting for race hatred. Sound unbelievable dreadful - I would be reporting him to the police and informing the Camp Manager and Head Office what I was doing and the reason.

Sounds as if the OP's g.son is managing extremely well in main-stream school and they are coping with his special needs well. Hope that continues.

Oh dear, like others wish t here was an edit buttong. My grand son is now a 21 year old - not 32

To those of you wanting to know about the pushing game the OP says it is Duck duck goose.

This is the (old) game where one person is "it" and is outside a circle of children. They walk around and (in my day) used to "tap" the other children on the head saying duck until they choose a goose. I expect they now "tap" their backs instead.
Once someone is the goose they chase round the circle trying to catch "it" before they get back to the goose's spot.

We used to play this seated in the school hall but standing if it was wet and we were in the playground.

Regarding the two dreadful "entertainers".
If you know who they are why not call them directly and tell them what you think? I would do this.

For those of you talking about DBS, a children’s entertainer doesn't need to undergo a DBS check as they are not expected to be alone with children.

And here's someone else who had problems with children's entertainment:

tobygoesbananas.co.uk/childrens-entertainer-crossed-the-line/