Gransnet forums

AIBU

Entertainment or Cruelty?

(58 Posts)
FarNorth Sun 06-Jun-21 12:31:38

I expect the children see your DGS as 'naughty' because the way he behaves would be called that if they did it.
I think it could be helpful for your DS to mention this to the teacher, to discuss how it can be dealt with.

The entertainer should not have asked the children to single someone out, although it sounds as if it was good-natured.

dragonfly46 Sun 06-Jun-21 12:10:34

Sorry that sounded like it is Peasblossom's son. I meant the OP's son of course.

dragonfly46 Sun 06-Jun-21 12:09:51

I agree Peasblossom your son should indeed speak to your DGC's teacher. Hopefully the other children's perception of your DGC can be changed.

Peasblossom Sun 06-Jun-21 12:04:21

No, it’s a horrible thing to have happened but there are no standards for children’s entertainers. Anyone can advertise as one and do it any way they want. Believe me, I’ve seen some awful ones.

As your DGS wasn’t upset by it, just let that bad moment go.
It happens. People are stupid.

I’d be more concerned about the children in his class seeing him as the naughty one. There are ways of tackling that in school and changing their perception.

Five year olds are beginning to be aware that the world is wide and full of diversity and it’s a stage when they move from what is right because they are told so, to making their own judgements. Some of them will be capable of realising your DGSs difficulties, some won’t have got there yet, but it’s part of their education to be guided.

Your son should let the school know what happened in a calm way. It’s an opportunity for them to develop all the children’s social and emotional skills and make classroom life more inclusive for your grandson.

dragonfly46 Sun 06-Jun-21 11:58:54

Oh this is so sad. That question should never be asked in a group of children as it encourages pointing the finger.
As an ex teacher of young children I always used encouragement as a reward. I would suggest this entertainer needs to be told so that he doesn't continue to put little ones on the spot like this.

nanaK54 Sun 06-Jun-21 11:48:47

Oh that is so sad, of course the entertainer should not ask such a question

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 06-Jun-21 11:48:38

What an odd question for an ‘entertainer’ to ask?

I can’t think why anyone would ask such a question and I’m surprised that the parent of the Birthday child didn’t have a word with him too.

I’m also confused about a pushing game in school, what on earth is that all about? Unless they are pushing an object rather than each other.
We never let our children push each other and wouldn’t expect others to do it either.
So NYANBU. And I feel for your GS and his parents.

icanhandthemback Sun 06-Jun-21 11:41:01

My DGS is ASD and started mainstream school this year with a 1:1 SEN assistant. You only have to be in the room with my Grandson for 2 minutes and you realise that he is not Neuro-typical. He is a bright, happy little boy but probably about 18 months to 2 years behind in his emotional and social development. He is also dyspraxic so is very clumsy and doesn't always sense where his extremities begin and end. He trips over his own feet all the time!. He isn't naughty as a general rule but his need for sensory stimulation can mean he can be loud which obviously his key worker and the teacher have to try to quash. For the most part in school, he joins in enthusiastically but is finding some of the boundaries that the other children find easy, much more difficult. For example, the children are allowed to play pushing games (don't ask me why) and he doesn't always realise how hard he is pushing. The teacher says that he there is no malice or temper involved but wants him to temper his pushing. That seems to be a difficult ask but my son and his wife are working on it. Apart from allowing pushing games, they have no problem with the school, engage with the teacher on a daily basis to check everything is ok and are encouraged by the positivity of the teacher.
My son has had some concerns that certain children keep coming up to him in the playground and telling him that our DGS is "naughty". As they are 5 years olds, I tell my son not to worry, kids are very open, don't understand autism and are very friendly with our boy, he shouldn't be too concerned. My son is very keen that DGS should not use autism as an excuse for bad behaviour and wants him to be the best person he can be albeit with the neurological constraints he was born with.

However, at a Birthday Party of one of the children from the class last week, the "entertainer" asked who was the naughtiest child in the class. Every child pointed at our DGS and shouted his name. Our boy was oblivious (his language and understanding are very delayed) so was quite excited at everybody shouting his name but it was like an arrow to my son's heart. He is gutted that his son is seen in this light.

I asked my son what he had done and he said nothing. I said if I had been there I would have quietly spoken to the entertainer that this is not a question that should have been asked at all. Very many "naughty" children have issues which make them appear naughty and if they are labelled as such, it can be destructive to their self esteem and sets them aside from their peer group. My son didn't want to make a fuss but I think this sort of thing should be addressed even if it is only to educate. As a children's entertainer, there is surely a duty to be inclusive, show kindness and that picking on one child is not entertainment. AIBU?