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AIBU

Husband refusing to take COVID test

(42 Posts)
lifebeginsat60 Mon 26-Jul-21 00:04:25

I've been visiting my beloved, elderly and frail Mum, who lives 100 miles away from me, thoughout the pandemic always on my own and as far as the rules allow. She lives independently and alone. I plan to visit again very soon and my husband is adamant he wants to come with me this time. He doesn't have much time for her so I'm not sure why. I want him and I to take a COVID test before visiting Mum but he has point-blank refused, is angry with me for asking and won't elaborate on his reasons. COVID cases are rising steeply in my area and I have just had to isolate for 10 days. I know you can never be 100% safe but want to take very possible precaution. He and I and my Mum are all double-jabbed. AIBU to say 'no test, no trip'?

DiamondLily Tue 10-Aug-21 15:17:53

I’m double jabbed, after being shielded, DH was vulnerable, but also double jabbed and we have never taken a test. No need, in our view.

But, could he not do a home test - no risk, no chemicals, no hassles?

Our daughter was doing those for her family, when we visited or the family visited us, during last winter.

alchemilla Fri 30-Jul-21 16:47:35

most care homes are still asking for a lateral flow test. So is he just going to wait in the car?

Eloethan Fri 30-Jul-21 12:51:02

I think it's unkind of him. Even if he, and others, feel it is unnecessary, it is something that you are anxious about and, if nothing else, he should do it to ease your anxiety.

It rather sounds like he is setting up the whole situation to demonstrate his ability to control it - particularly as you say he has no great affection for your mum.

NotSpaghetti Fri 30-Jul-21 11:46:31

Why are so many saying "no test no visit"

Ask him to isolate first instead.
?‍♀️

Katie59 Fri 30-Jul-21 11:42:45

Easy decision, no test no visit.

Elizabeth1 Fri 30-Jul-21 08:36:34

Oops mistake end should read grin

Elizabeth1 Fri 30-Jul-21 08:35:39

Definitely no test no visit my ds doesn’t take these tests either I’m not sure what her reasons for this are me and my dh take them but I’m thinking if she’s out and about it must be safer for all of us. As Jason Leitch said at the beginning think of Covid walking over a bridge to reach you or something like that. Stay safe at all times we’re here until the end. [end]

Rosycheeks Fri 30-Jul-21 08:28:27

Sorry I meant Lat Flow and said. I have banana texting fingers.?

Rosycheeks Fri 30-Jul-21 08:27:01

Well my DH and I have both had both jabs and my DH has just tested neg after getting Covid. 10days we isolated I never caught it off him. If it wasnt for the Kat flow tests we would have never known he had it as he saud he felt like he had a cold.
I would say to your DH. If you wont test then dont come to your mothers.
Testing is so easy to do at home I cant see the problem.

Elegran Tue 27-Jul-21 21:15:27

All the social media site check Gransnet and similar sites for things they can use on the own pages. There is an insatiable demand for "human interest stories" about topical subjects. Anything with a touch of conflict attracts readers, so the more controversial threads often appear in the likes of the Sun and the Mirror as part of articles with sensational, and usually ageist, headlines. It doesn't necessarily need the original poster to have been a journalist planting seeds to be harvested, but I am sure that doeshappen sometimes.

Kali2 Tue 27-Jul-21 20:48:54

No test, no visit.

JaneJudge Tue 27-Jul-21 20:45:23

so is this a journalist?

Shelflife Tue 27-Jul-21 20:41:53

It is hard to understand why he is so reluctant to have the test. It is a very simple procedure. I feel he should have the test to put your mind at rest - it really isn't about your DH it is primarily about your precious mum and your peace of mind. He really should do this for you. A long shot but would he read these posts ? If he is unwilling to co - operate then you must visit your Mum without him .

Spice101 Tue 27-Jul-21 01:01:05

This thread popped up on the Starts at 60 FB page this morning. It is the third thread from GN that has appeared in the last few days. Just a reminder that what is said on GN does not stay on GN

NotSpaghetti Mon 26-Jul-21 16:15:54

Oh, and I remember a "scare" when it was found in Indian sesame (or maybe sunflower) seeds earlier this year. I think it was sesame as I seem to remember some Tahini being recalled.
The EU has banned it in foods. It had been used as a pesticide.
Some countries still use it on foods.

NotSpaghetti Mon 26-Jul-21 16:10:19

Elegran
Not sure of the percentage in the UK but 50% of items used in hospitals are sterilised this way in the US. The big uproar was not about the items sterilised but repeated gas leaks in the vicinity of the places doing the sterilisation. Pollution in the neighbouring areas. There's lots written about this online. There will eventually be an alternative.

Mainly (I understand) it's used for plastics and resins, items with hard-to reach places (such as catheters), things in layers (eg sterile wound dressings) or in packaging with paper instructions.
Heart stents are also sterilised this way - and the sort of catheter specially made to go up from the groin for heart surgery.

It's still the only method that works for lots of things and is widely used for "everyday" hospital items.

Other methods are things like radiation, steam, heat, hydrogen peroxide, chlorine gas... I know there's more.

Jaxjacky Mon 26-Jul-21 11:42:47

Maybe he’s concerned about testing positive and having to isolate? Not a good reason, it’s a shame he won’t discuss it with you.

geekesse Mon 26-Jul-21 11:10:05

In your husband’s eyes, then, people like me must be incredibly brave, taking a lateral flow test twice a week for months, enduring the pain, suffering and risks to health each time.

Alternatively, he’s being a wimp.

My money is on the latter.

BlueBelle Mon 26-Jul-21 11:09:55

Is he normally stubborn or unwilling to comply ?
I agree with all the above posts he should take the test with you watching (or he might just say he’s took one) or not go at all and if he doesn’t much like your mum be far best if he didn’t go you have to protect her
Just tell him because of her age and vulnerability it’s best to go alone and then enjoy your time with her without worrying about him
She does well with no help

Elegran Mon 26-Jul-21 10:46:37

NotSpaghetti

Elegran

If he is concerned about the strong chemicals used in the test, remind him that the chemicals never touch you - you add two drops to the sample after it leaves your mouth/nose and then wait for the reaction. You would need to be really stupid with it to come to any harm.

It's the sterilization of the swabs that people are getting bothered about.

Is that used also in surgeries and hospitals to sterilise the thousands of instruments, swabs etc that are used every day?

Babs758 Mon 26-Jul-21 10:45:35

He shouldn’t visit her without a negative test. We met up with friends recently and one is clinically vulnerable. We all did LFTs beforehand. Common decency. I would leave him at home!

Nannagarra Mon 26-Jul-21 10:33:30

I totally agree with glammanana. As you don’t seem to be able to reason with him, I’d be inclined to think of a reason why he shouldn’t go - girly talk, looking at old family photos, anything you know he can’t tolerate. Be obdurate. If you agree to him going you’ll only worry about protecting your mum and feel uncomfortable as you know he’s not keen on her. Who needs this? Fob him off then have a great time with your mum.

GrandmaKT Mon 26-Jul-21 10:16:36

I agree with you; no test no visit. Has he given you a reason why he doesn't want to do the test? They are so quick and easy - all high school students have been testing themselves twice a week all term, and he can't do just one for your mum?

Bibbity Mon 26-Jul-21 10:10:02

He is being absolutely pathetic.
But I wouldn’t argue. Firmly tell him no test no visit. And do not revisit the conversation.
If he tries to bring it up cut him off and tell him nothing has changed and it will not be discussed further.

glammanana Mon 26-Jul-21 10:07:03

How selfish he is considering he does not get on with your lovely mum.
Make him stay home and enjoy your mums company with out this awful man.