Family Wedding Invites

We've had a similar thing for a Wedding next year. I have booked a cottage for us all , about a mile away ( rural posh hotel. ).TBH, there are often cheaper and pragmatic alternatives. Don't make an issue of it for yours . Hope you all have a lovely time. X

Personally I feel very priviliged to be invited to a wedding and will always do my best to be there, even if it means staying in a hotel. I have very rarely regretted going. I woyld suggest renting an air b and b instead of a hotel, asking your adult children to come, and organize a brunch the next day .. so that you get to spend time with them. If several couples are involved, might be possible?

My son gets married this November,
(fingers crossed) after it being postponed from last October.
From the start he and his partner have stipulated 'no children' at the wedding except for my daughters 5 year old twins (my son's niece & nephew). As the wedding is quite a distance from where we live this means that my son's adult cousins who have children won't be attending, as it would mean an overnight stay away from their young children who aren't invited.

I rarely comment on this forum, as retribution and backlash can be harsh! However, I felt Bette22 needed support, and you, Boyzone and Maggs were there, so I wanted to add my two Pennyworth.

You are being unreasonable I got married 4 years ago and didn't invite cousins only Aunts (Uncles all dead) My cousins aren't close to me no way was I inviting them and not my friends Finances are not infinite and weddings are expensive

Thankyou dorcas1950 .

I didnt imagine a forum for the over 50s would be so reminiscent of a high school playground .

I think sometimes its worth reminding ourselves if we would respond to another person that way face to face . Just because you are on your couch in front of your keyboard doesnt make it ok to make light of another person and what makes them upset and to respond in such an abrupt manner .
We arent the only ones to notice it .

I find it very immature personally and the tone of some has been quite aggressive.

Totally not what I was expecting when I joined .
I do hope Bette22 is ok

Marathonrunner, don't unjoin! Balanced opinions needed on this forum.

Probably curtailed the numbers for the reception due to costs. Wedding dinners can be very expensive. Is the whole hotel taken up with those invited to the full day? If my family were keen to attend in the evening think I'd be checking on the availability of rooms myself. The bride and groom can't stop your family from booking if one is available.

Bette22, I sympathise with you. Not only are you miffed on your children's behalf (which I totally support) but you are having to fend off aggressive and confrontational posts. You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. I wish you all the very best.

04 MaggsMcG

This forum is getting aggressive. All of Social Media is getting aggressive now. It was all help and nice advice at the beginning of Covid cut everyone has very quickly reverted. You can tell people they are wrong without being so nasty about it.

Totally agree with you Maggs. I’d be quite upset by some of the comments on this thread if I were the OP.
I belong to a sewing group on FB and I’ve got to say there’s never a bad word said on there. Everyone is so supportive and kind.
There’s a way of saying things.

Can understand why close family are only invited to the evening do. Weddings cost a fortune. Can be a couple of hundred pounds per guest. That would soon mount up. Extended family can be stingy with gifts too. Bride and Grooms often pay for the weddings. themselves.
I worked with a lady who decided to marry at Gretna Green. Cheap option for her. But then complained bitterly that elderly grandparents chose not to travel up from the South coast! Umpteen hours by coach.

That should have said I agree with MaggsMcG

Try looking at it a different way.... The couple probably can only invite a certain number to the entire thing as that bit costs the most. If they had invited your children to that and not you they possibly would think they were being disrespectful to their aunt/uncle. It's far more usual for the younger people to come to the evening if everyone can't be invited to the whole thing, so bear this in mind, and try to see they are doing their best to be fair. Venue, as others say, is up to them so they can remember it as the place they wanted, and not necessarily as a convenient place because maybe there just isn't a place that pleases them and suits everyone too.

I agree , the way some people have put their point across has been truly horrible. I've only just joined this but I am going to unjoin I think.

I get why your a bit miffed, my nephew invited me, my DD's and their partners to his evening do, as it was across country and involved a hotel stay we politely declined, my other DS who lives near me was showing me photo she'd taken at the actual wedding there was her two children, partners and GC and DB partner DC and DGC. I also felt a bit miffed

It’s always hard deciding who Nd who. It to invite to a wedding, and I think your niece has been very honest by saying it’s to do with finances. Wedding meals can sometimes be £50 a head and I can understand the invitation not being extended to cousins. Where do you stop with occasions like this? They have been invited to the evening celebration but have chosen not to go - that’s their choice and I hope they don’t make the bride and groom feel guilty about their decision.

The bride and groom invite who they want to be and as they are footing the bill, that is their right.
The hotel will allocate the number of rooms they think is the right number of the size of the wedding and you are entitled to book any of the others.
The bride and groom have no say about that as it is a commercial decision by the hotel.
The bride and groom choose where they have their wedding but take the chance that relatives and friends will find it too far to travel. They pays their money, they takes their choice. It could be worse, they could be marrying abroad!
If you want a large, all inclusive family gathering, I'm afraid the onus is on you.

2 of my childten were married pre pandemic it was aunties and uncles through the day and cousin's at night.

This is very normal. Up to you if you feel its unreasonable. But guessing you're allowed an opinion.

It's not your wedding. I'm sure when you got married you made your choice of venue to suit you not relatives. I was never at any of my cousin's weddings. It hasn't been an issue for me. Please don't loose sleep over it. It's not that important, and it's their choice.

My only nice got married in Canada at a, ski resort. We are in UK so no family went. It was her choice, the photos are beautiful and we are all happy that she had the day she wanted without any relatives. It's the couples day, they should choose who is present.

I would not travel 400 miles for an evening event as it appears ?this is just the evening ??? your children, cousins of the bride. are invited to and NOT the ceremony followed by reception. and traditional cutting of the cake.
I would have expected your children, brides cousins? and very close to her , to have been invited which would have made travelling and booking into a hotel /B&B worthwhile.

I feel you're being really unfair. My son is getting married and they have decided to use a wedding venue half way between both parents, a beautiful place but no where any of us have ever been before. They have also had to make decisions on who to invite, who they see, friends, relatives etc but with prices per person for the wedding breakfast being so high it is not only expensive but difficult when trying to stick to numbers and a budget. I live in Scotland and was only invited to the evening of a cousin in the south, I still went, to share the time with them. Maybe you could give your children your invite and you attend the evening in their place.

family occasions are few and far between these days and we would loved to have celebrated their day as a family. Its spoilt it for me tbh

It's not about whether you want a family occasion. It's their wedding to celebrate with those they want to.

You are being totally unreasonable - people do weddings according to their ideas of the perfect day and not what the guests think - there are always choices to be made with weddings and your niece has included her cousins and your children have made their choice which is not to go - where there’s a will there’s a way - if your adult children felt so close to their cousin as you seem to believe they would make an effort and overcome the difficult logistics and be at the wedding. I’m afraid this is all about your feelings - you want a family occasion and you want your niece to provide it - by the way have you even considered whether the groom has cousins and whether they’ve been treated the same way? If family is so important you should encourage your adult children to accept the invitation.

This is why I do not like weddings ??