Family Wedding Invites

You did ask the Aibu question Bette. .. I understand your being disappointed but at least you got an invitation. When my only sibling’s children got married neither we nor our children were invited.
Go and enjoy, weddings are so costly these days and often numbers are set by the venues, and that was before Covid.

I don’t think people are being aggressive, just answering what you asked. As Smileless said, it’s not wrong to feel as you do, it’s what you do about it that matters.

Everything is a mess at the moment. We’re unable to go to a wedding this weekend, because we just don’t want to risk travelling. I feel sad for anyone trying to get married at the moment.

They have to do what’s right for them, so if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it, don’t go.

A couple of my sons friends have married either abroad or nowhere near where they live here over the last few years. So when the invites go out a few of them (could be your family in your case) make a bit of a holiday of the event. Rent somewhere, or book your preferred type of accommodation, and stay for a long weekend or even a week in the case of the Cyprus one they went to.
The next one is in Devon next year (hopefully as it's been postponed twice due to covid) and he and some others are all going for 3 days.
Could your family do something similar?

I'm not stoking angst or carrying a grudge , I'm going to celebrate and enjoy the day . Wow this forums aggressive this morning !!!

Your welcome Bette. We can't always control how we feel, but we can control how we respond to those feelings.

I hope you'll have a lovely day.

Thankyou smileless2012 , I was feeling a bit attacked there for a minute .

Please don't go if you feel so miffed. You would only carry your grudge with you and it feels as if you are already stoking the angst. It is entirely the couples' day and their guest list is none of your business. Hard but true.

I have had several times either just been invited to evening for weddings when my parents were invited to the ceremony and both afternoon and evening and on a couple of occasions have not been invited at all to cousins weddings.
As my dad was one of ten, there are quite a few cousins that I have had little contact with since we were children, so tbh, didn't expect an invite!
In this day and age, with the costs of weddings, hard decisions have had to be made and especially at the moment when restrictions have been made about the number of people that can be invited.
Maybe it's a case that the aunts and uncles were on the invitation list and when the restrictions were relaxed, it meant that the cousins could be invited to the evening function that previously would not have happened!
Above all, it is the couples wedding so sorry, but up to them where when and who their guests are is up to them.

Thanks for all your replies , yes I can see I'm being unreasonable. Maybe family means something different to me and I am probably living in the past like you said .
Thanks for helping me to see this .

I don't think you are being unreasonable in feeling "a bit miffed" as your children are hurt by only being invited to the evening do.

You're handling it correctly by keeping your feelings away from your niece and I hope you'll be able to enjoy the day.

Honestly you are living in the past, so what if they had sleepovers etc. People move on and their friendships and alliances change. Just because they were once close doesn’t mean as much now she has new friends.

I think you are really being unreasonable. What does it matter that your children aren’t invited to the wedding, they get to go the fun party afterwards. The poor bride having to put up with your attitude on top of arranging a wedding under COVID conditions. My son’s wedding last year was wrecked by the ever changing conditions imposed by government. Chill, relax and enjoy the day and the reception later with everyone.

I dont think I'm making it about my feelings tbh , I get your point , but she grew up alongside her cousins and spent whole weekends here on sleepovers etc . I would understand it better if she wasnt close to them and would 100% agree with you if so

yes you are being unreasonable.

I’m afraid I think you are being unreasonable. Weddings are expensive and I don’t think they’re ‘brushing it off’ by offering finances as an explanation.

Sorry yes a little unreasonable. Weddings are very expensive so you have keep your guest list to what you can afford.
To be honest the wedding and location is the couples choice.
We have recently been to a wedding 400 miles away where most of the guests live close to us but it was the bride and grooms choice and we had to option to decline. We went and had a lovely time in a wonderful location.

People choose to get married at a certain venue because…

The wedding is really about the couple not the relatives. If they were close to their cousins they would have been invited to the day but there are obviously people they are closer to.

People choose to get married because that’s where they want it to be ,not to suit those that are invited.

I think you are being unreasonable as you are making this about you and your feelings.