Bullies why did you do it

Sweetpeasue

Thankyou Violetsky.
Niece's daughter is very smart too. Hopefully your daughter will find friends too. If the school can't give enough support I believe my neice has been in touch with Social Services who have been more helpful.

Thank you, I'll remember that

tickingbird

I doubt many bullies will come forward and admit it. I was bullied occasionally at school but the worst bully was the nasty, spinster headmistress at my junior girls’ school. She absolutely beat me one day for running down the corridor. She was in a frenzy and just couldn’t stop hitting me and ragdolling me around. When she wore herself out she then made me stand in the corner facing the wall. I can still see my legs shaking and remember the confusion. I couldn’t understand why I was so bad. I think I was 8 or 9. A sadistic, nasty woman who shouldn’t have been anywhere near children.

That's a terrible story and she sounds most unsuited to her job.

However, why did you dismiss her as a 'spinster', implying that was part of the reason for her cruel treatment of a child. I thought we'd moved beyond the days when unmarried women were talked about in such a derogatory way.

Beswitched Thank you. My faith has been restored. I’ve been waiting since I posted about my experience with that awful woman, for someone to chirp up about my use of the word spinster.
I used it because I felt like it. She was a spinster and a nasty one at that. Strange you should be triggered by a word but not unsurprising. You’ve just won me a wager!

How true it is that those who are “in the wrong” are often “the first ones to cry and say they are being bullied”. Deleting posts and PMs removes evidence and the possibility that bullies may be challenged, that their victims may be vindicated. People’s instinctive desire for self-preservation makes them quietly withdraw whilst manipulative bullies often deceive themselves that “they’ve done nothing wrong”. Inner honesty, as Chewbacca rightly says, should come into play. What an enlightening thread this is.

I think bullies must be very dissatisfied people. Possible jealous or in awe of their victims., not very nice.

I couldn’t agree more Allsorts. They seem to be jealous of their victims’ capability and the attention they might receive.

I think bullies must be very dissatisfied people Yes Allsorts, there's probably more than a grain of truth in that. They're deeply unhappy about something within themselves, but lack the emotional maturity to be able to express it and find a resolution that will make them feel better instead of making their victim feel terrible about themselves. Nanagarra, I agree that jealousy is a key factor in their behaviour. If they didn't wreck such havoc and misery on others, you could almost feel sorry for them couldn't you?

tickingbird

Beswitched Thank you. My faith has been restored. I’ve been waiting since I posted about my experience with that awful woman, for someone to chirp up about my use of the word spinster.
I used it because I felt like it. She was a spinster and a nasty one at that. Strange you should be triggered by a word but not unsurprising. You’ve just won me a wager!

I have no idea why you are being so confrontational. The woman was of course, unpleasant. But that has nothing to do with her being a spinster. I have known many unmarried women who were kind and wonderful teachers. And I have encountered some unpleasant, nasty teachers who were married.
And of course there are unpleasant unmarried teachers and some lovely married teachers.
Some people are just unpleasant. Their marital status has nothing to do with it.

Yes, Chewbacca, they cause enormous and enduring misery for others. Why should someone be victimised because a bully lacks self-esteem?

Good question Nannagarra!

Thanks, Chewbacca. I also think they behave badly towards others because they need attention.

The woman was more than "unpleasant" Beswitched.

She certainly was. Tickingbird suffered terribly at the hands of this teacher. This teacher was behaving in a manic way.

I'm not denying that. It's her derogatory use of the word spinster. If she'd said 'this nasty Jewish teacher' or 'this nasty working class teacher' I'm sure posters would have wondered what her ethnicity, religion or class had to do with her vicious behaviour. She behaved viviously because she was nasty, not because she was an unmarried woman.

She was not nasty because she was unmarried but maybe she was unmarried because she was nasty. I do not know her so this is just a suggestion.

Possibly * Jackiest* .

I think I just concentrated on how hurt the poster was by this very nasty woman, rather than on the use of the word spinster.

Good point Jackiest. I'd never thought of it that way

Yes, good point Jackiest.

The use of a derogatory word is nothing compared to what tickingbird suffered Beswitched. I wouldn't have mentioned it.

Beswitched
It's her derogatory use of the word spinster. If she'd said 'this nasty Jewish teacher'

So you equate Jewish with being derogatory do you?

Please explain to me, a Jewish woman, why the word Jewish is derogatory? It’s interesting that in a post about a child being beaten by a sadistic headteacher over nothing, you find the use of the word spinster galling. The experience of being totally overwhelmed physically and mentally merely “unpleasant”.

I won’t deny I found your reaction to my initial post amusing. My reaction to your subsequent posts is disgust.

One girl in my last year of primary may say i bullied her . She was very tall for her age and thought she could stand over people and intimidate them, she was forever hitting and kicking other people, she decide one day to pick on one of the 6 year old's and i just wouldn't put up with it. I told her to back off but she slapped the little one and tore her earring out. Teachers were told but the bully cried and swore i was making it up so she got away with it. I warned her that she better run home that day because if i caught her i would batter her, she though because i was short and laid back i wouldn't dare, she didn't run so i thumped and kicked her the half a mile home. Her Mother came to our door and i told her why i had battered her and that if she ever done it again i would batter her even more. She is the only person i ever hit at school and i am not in the slightest bit sorry about it.

tickingbird

Beswitched
It's her derogatory use of the word spinster. If she'd said 'this nasty Jewish teacher'

So you equate Jewish with being derogatory do you?

Please explain to me, a Jewish woman, why the word Jewish is derogatory? It’s interesting that in a post about a child being beaten by a sadistic headteacher over nothing, you find the use of the word spinster galling. The experience of being totally overwhelmed physically and mentally merely “unpleasant”.

I won’t deny I found your reaction to my initial post amusing. My reaction to your subsequent posts is disgust.

I also used the word nasty, and subsequently 'vicious' about your ex teacher.

I don't think the word Jewish is derogatory, which is why I equated it with the word 'spinster' which should also not be used in a derogatory way. That was the exact point I was making. There is nothing wrong with being Jewish, working class or unmarried, so why mention any of these factors when talking about a brutal attack by an individual?

But I am not getting into a row about it. I totally acknowledge in case it didn't come across before, that your experience was appalling and that this sadistic woman should not have been in charge of children.

I think that most school bullies have no idea they were bullies. I think they are probably oblivious to their behaviour.

Beswitched,using Jewish in a derogatory way would be much worse than using spinster.
But really, you shouldn't have commented on it at all. imo. Don't you think? My last comnent.

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nadateturbe

Beswitched,using Jewish in a derogatory way would be much worse than using spinster.
But really, you shouldn't have commented on it at all. imo. Don't you think? My last comnent.

Using any such characteristic in a derogatory way is unfair and unkind and promotes negative stereotyping,

I know several women who have been deeply hurt and offended by dismissive remarks about 'spinsters' including some who have done unbelievabley generous work on behalf of their communities and vulnerable and marginalised people. So I will call it out on the same way that I will call out anyone who uses expressions like 'migrant', 'Jewish', 'working class' etc as a description of someone who has behaved in an unacceptable way, which has nothing to do with their class, residency status, ethnicity etc.

To do otherwise would be to support hurtful and unfair stereotyping, don't you agree?