Is fifty years not enough?

Gingster

Dinahmo - I don’t think my Dh has ever organised a holiday in all our 50 years. I just thought this one time it might be nice for him to do it.

Did he know you thought that?

JaneJudge

It's not really that difficult to organise a bunch of flowers and a bottle of fizz or to book a table in the pub/restaurant, is it?

Exactly.
Unless your DH is ‘on the spectrum’ and just doesn’t get important things like Golden Wedding Anniversaries, then he just isn’t bothering himself to do anything/ buy something for you.Disgraceful.Glad that you returned his expensive present.
Buy yourself something lovely.

I am afraid I dont think something lasting for 50 years indicates it's ok. If it upsets you you need to tell him. I would find it fairly thoughtless to be honest.

Dinahmo - I don’t think my Dh has ever organised a holiday in all our 50 years. I just thought this one time it might be nice for him to do it.

Send yourself a beautiful bunch of red Rose's. That will concentrate his mind. Sometimes being reminded of your worth, is all it takes. He will surface, when you tell him that you told a lot of people it was your Golden anniversary. His toes will start moving, I guarantee it

Is 50 vastly different to 48, 49, 51, or 52?

Not being at all unreasonable, but how on earth did you put up with him for 50 years?

My 10th wedding anniversary was the beginning of the end for me - he actually asked me what I wanted, so I told him - "a long weekend away in Prague, (staying at a friend of his, so not too expensive), without the children, as never been away without them, and I want you to organise it" (as I did EVERYTHING!) ....

What I actually got was a bunch of flowers that lasted 24 hours, and a mug!!

We had our 60th anniversary, at the beginning of September, and like Oops, we have had a perpetual card since 2012.
This is because , like Quizzers DH, mine is not good at remembering occasions. But, he is the kindest man, and I can't imagine having any one different.
Our daughter and son in law, organised a family garden party and BBQ, which was just right and much appreciated.
As to presents, there was nothing that either of us wanted. So if and when we do find something, we will buy it as a joint present.

I agree with baggs

He is doing what he has always done.

Sorry you findthis upsetting Quizzer We had our 60th last year , I m still waiting for the Diamonds! We have never made much of anniversaries or birthdays and the last couple of years even less with lockdowns and considerable shielding. Luckily our family often do ‘something’ so make the most of what we’ve got. I must admit I have sometimes felt a bit envious when I hear other people talk about their romantic events but it is what it is and at85 I don’t think things will change now ?

Quizzer Why not organise a celebration yourself?

Gingster Why don't you organize a trip to the Scillies?

I confess that I don't understand women who wait for their OH's to organize a holiday, a celebration or even a day out. Didn't we all grow up believing in equality?

I sometimes celebrate the anniversary of when we met which is easy to remember because it was the first weekend in May when I was 21. More than 50 years ago. I can't remember the year in which we got married but for some reason he can.

My OH hates to be reminded of his birthday and is pleased if the date passes without being noticed. He is 75 next week and I'm still thinking what to do.

Many years ago I moaned about him forgetting Valentine's Day. He made a card with a heart drawn on it and he wrote "This a a Valentine's Card" across it.

We avoid specific wedding anniversary cards as the words are usually unsuitable, but we choose nice “ general” cards. We don't exchange gifts, and if there is to be a meal or trip away, it is always me who is left to organise it. So I shall ‘t be expecting anything different for our next big anniversary.

I’d be hurt too mainly because I think of birthdays and significant anniversaries as the one “special” day to be celebrated. I also love the attention and fun to be had from going out somewhere or a few days away, to celebrate. However I also see others’ points of view about him being a good husband and provider, so I hope he is?
My chap totally overlooked my birthday 2020 except for a rubbish card and Christmas too which we had to spend apart, and didn’t think to order flowers or anything via the internet. However, just recently I admired something in a gallery and bless him he bought it in “recognition that Covid kept us apart for your last birthday and at Christmas”. I was so touched by his loving gesture.
I hope in time your mind will ease and maybe you might make a belated special meal at home (with candles and your best china?) to prompt him to think of your joint achievement of 50 years together & start a conversation. Well done you two!

Just go and buy yourself something you really want and tell him so. I get you're disappointed but after 50 years you know what he's like so what's the point of upsetting yourself? He's said you should buy yourself something so do it and accept him for who he is. He loves you or you wouldn't have lasted 50 years.

It’s our 50th next month and we are going back to where we got married and staying for 3 nights and meeting up with 8 friends for lunch. We will exchange cards but no gifts.

Quizzer I think you have been treated very shabbily and deserve better. Is there anything you want that you could treat yourself to and tell you DH as no money was spent on any celebration you are spending the money now. Do you have a special friend or relatives you could have a nice meal with ? Do you fancy a Spa weekend ?

We had our golden wedding this summer. Had planned a big do at DH’s golf club but after all the restrictions decided to cancel. We had a small family gathering at our DS1’s house. Perfect!
I had said to dh a year before , ‘I would love to go back to the Scilly Isles for our 50th, - I’ll leave it with you’ . Never heard another word about it. Funny that! ?. Lockdown has proved a good excuse for some.
I did get flowers and a necklace on the day ❤️…. and a card ?
I must admit I prefer to give than receive. I’m not blowing my own trumpet, but I find people giving me gifts is embarrassing and I don’t want them spending money on things I don’t really want. I’ve got to the age where I don’t wants presents, just peoples company.

What about the past forty nine ? If he has always been that way but on the whole you couldn't wish for a better husband then take on board that it is extremely unlikely he is 'gonna' change.

I would just ask 'how is he in your everyday life?'.
If he is thoughtful and caring, then I wouldn't worry about anniversaries & birthdays (that's my life). Special gifts are thought about & planned for, and are given at appropriate times, not 'saved up' for 'occasions'.
But I suspect you aren't happy otherwise, or honestly, like me, you'd barely notice.
The only time I really notice is when one particular friend, who likes to make a fuss of birthdays expresses surprise!
I hope you can find some happiness in your relationship.

Oh I'm so sorry Quizzer. My husband isn't great with gifts (nose hair trimmer---and it's NOT funny, well maybe a little) Think I'd be upset though too.
My son missed my birthday last week!
?

Quizzer. Congratulations. 50 is an achievement.
Oops I really like the idea of the perpetual cards.

We had our golden a couple of years ago. No gifts but think cards were exchanged. I organised a small garden get together with good friends and ac. Luckily the sun shone as it had done 50 years earlier. We soldier on....

Deedan ???love that
much too much made of cards and presents in my opinion …. now a nice meal out or better still a weekend away would have been good but to expect someone to do it on one particular anniversary whose not ever shown signs of doing it before is a bit of a high expectation in my opinion

Here's some flowers Quizzer from me

Yes Quizzer I’d have been disappointed, but as that’s been both of your expectation over the years, maybe not such a surprise for you.
We go out at least on our anniversary, every year is precious.

DH has never been one for giving cards, our 50th this year was no exception. It doesn’t bother me particularly as he’s always been the same and TBH I wouldn’t have a clue what to buy him for a gift so we don’t bother with presents either.
But he does buy me Birthday Presents and a card and also Christmas presents, we have Christmas cards that we gave each other over 40 yrs ago and we bring them out each year and put the new date on them and an extra x.