Gransnet forums


To ask what you would think here?

(77 Posts)
TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 19:48:36

Relative is a nanny. She disclosed a chronic illness to her employers.
This week they said they were putting the kids into a breakfast club for the morning and did not give an explanation as to why. Relative normally covers before school and after school.
Aibu to say they are subtly trying to get rid of her and find a cheaper childcare option?
She has supported them through a lot this year and has run herself ragged helping them.

Rosalyn69 Fri 24-Sep-21 10:37:34

Surely it is the parents right to choose what they want for their children and theirselves? If the nanny has a problem she could discuss it with the parents.

highlanddreams Fri 24-Sep-21 10:44:29

They are maybe trying our Breakfast Club because their kids have asked to go and be with their friends who are also in it. But as others have said they are maybe trying it out to see how the kids like it in case the nanny gets any worse and needs time off or even has to give it up altogether. They have to have other childcare options to fall back on, not just for their own convenience but in order for the children to feel settled as well. She has to ask them why and if it's likely to be a regular thing so that she can look for other work if need be too. I'm afraid fair won't come into it, life just isn't fair for many of us sadly.

Brownflopsy Fri 24-Sep-21 10:44:52

I can understand why you are sympathetic about the situation of your relative and no one asks to become ill, but I find your view a bit bemusing. She is employed to undertake child care and the parents are probably quite concerned about what they will do if she cannot - that is their priority and they need something reliable. It seems obvious that they will start to explore other avenues and get their children used to changes now, and see if they are viable for them. She is an employee and they are free to make any arrangements they wish without discussing the ins and outs of it with her. Yes, it is a shame if she loses her place for these reasons, but you can hardly blame them. Try putting yourself in their shoes.

H1954 Fri 24-Sep-21 10:45:47

Looking this from a different perspective.......could the children have asked to go to Breakfast Club? Perhaps their friends go and they want to be part of it. My GC both went, this youngest still does and love it.

cc Fri 24-Sep-21 10:48:00

I wonder if they think that she's told them about her new illness because she thinks it might affect her and mean she may need to take time off or even reduce her working hours? It's understandable that they would be concerned, they need reliable childcare.
My daughter is moving her son from his current nursery because they're uncertain what hours they can offer her in the new year.
Parents need certainty in their childcare and breakfast club is a great solution.

Ali08 Fri 24-Sep-21 10:48:02

Could you not tell us what her 2 medical problems are?
At least then we might have a better idea of how to answer you!

Awesomegranny Fri 24-Sep-21 11:02:10

Depending on what your relative’s illness is. It may be they are worried about being letdown at a moment’s notice on a work morning and have decided that Breakfast Club is the best option for their children. Really they should discuss this, it may be they are concerned about their children catching COVID at school and putting your vulnerable relative at risk. I think your relative needs to ask the question, so that if she needs to find other work then she can start looking rather than wondering.

Grandma2002 Fri 24-Sep-21 11:03:16

Might it be age related and the children are now needing more social interaction with their peers? Their class mates possibly go to breakfast club and they want to do the same.

Riggie Fri 24-Sep-21 11:07:49

Perhaps your relative has been rather hasty in discussing her medical conditions with her employer when you say that they haven't impacted her job at all. Maybe that's a lesson learned for the future.

However it is the nature of the job that things change and nanny posts are not a "job for life". It's a bit unclear that when you say they were going to breakfast club for the morning whether this is an every morning arrangement so means the job has changed or if it is just a one off. If it is the former then perhaps they should have talked to her about this in more detail, and if she is an employee then what does her contract say?

Tbh though in her shoes I'd be looking for another job.

Willow68 Fri 24-Sep-21 11:20:58

She should ask them if they have concerns and would they like to discuss or ask anything that they may be concerned about. It’s easy to read into things but we are all grown ups and sometimes have to just treat it like a work meeting, as it’s hard to not have emotional envovled when we feel we are being pushed aside. There might be a reasonable explanation… or not , unless she asked she won’t know , good luck and hope your relative is okay x

Modompodom Fri 24-Sep-21 11:32:18

I was a full-time live out nanny for years and years. It is not unusual to be told you are no longer required, even though that decision has nothing to do with your work performance. More often than not it is to do with the parents’ finances. Once it was to do with the husband streamlining their finances, even though the family were EXTREMELY well off. I had worked for them for six years and they had a severely autistic child who I had looked after since infancy. I would have been prepared to continue working for themon a part-time basis, but that wasn’t suggested, although I did go back to work for them on an ad hoc basis. In another, the mother’s work contract was not renewed. In all my jobs I was always given plenty of notice of changes, but some nannies are not so lucky. One time a nanny was phoned by the father on her day off and told her not to come back. She was with a group of us at the time, and she was really shocked, especially as she had moved to the area to be close to her job. I wouldn’t read too much into the family’s changes, but it might be a good idea to discuss it with them, as they should have discussed it with the nanny before making the decision.

Newatthis Fri 24-Sep-21 11:34:36

Can't she just ask them?

Nannan2 Fri 24-Sep-21 11:36:27

It could be for money reasons, breakfast clubs are usually in the childs nursery/school, and quite low cost, occasionally free- or subsidised- & if they're feeling the pinch like most of us lately this could be reason- or it could be to help their kids integrate more with their friends now in school.Or get them more used to an 'older' childs routine for morning because unless youre a Royal or a celeb (or equally rich) most folk don't keep on nannies past school age.But they should be telling her the reason.Did she not just ask "why is that" at the time?If not, why not? If you don't ask, you don't get my gran used to say..Goes for explanations too.?

TopsyAndTim Fri 24-Sep-21 12:20:03

Some of you are forgetting that a nanny role is a job. A job with the same rights as anyone else.
You wouldn't turn up for work one day in an office and be told that you won't be needed the next morning as there's an alternative arrangement. With no explanation as to why that is so it shouldn't be happening here.

The family are free to choose whatever childcare arrangements they want but they need to be honest and tell her. They also need to accept that she will not stay in the role if this is their decision.
This morning they tried paying her less but said there would be more hours next week. I have a feeling they will slowly phase her out of the mornings altogether and she agrees so she is looking for another role.

She's as important as them and doesn't deserve to be treated like this.

Missiseff Fri 24-Sep-21 12:21:47

Has she asked you to ask for the opinions of others?

MissAdventure Fri 24-Sep-21 12:23:43

Surely expectations, terms and conditions were discussed at her interview?
Does she have a contract?

Tanjamaltija Fri 24-Sep-21 12:24:02

Well, she's been with them long enough for her to be able to ask them what's happening.

TopsyAndTim Fri 24-Sep-21 12:26:10

Yes,and they have broken the terms of it.
I also believe that a verbal contract is as binding as a written one. She's disclosed an illness and they have changed the conditions of her employment. They are on very shaky ground.

Hithere Fri 24-Sep-21 12:34:54

Reading your last message, i think you are taking it too personally.

This is a business arrangement and it is just one day.
Employers do not generally owe explanations for their decisions.

I am taking this situation from and a different pov - why hasn't she had a day off? Was it requested and denied or your relative didn't ask for it?

Run yourself ragged for a job is not good, she is burned out.
Maybe the parents saw your relative is running on fumes and wanted to give her a break? Maybe the kids wanted to go with their friends?
Maybe this job is not for her, if it demands that much of her?

Your relatives needs a plan b when this job or occupation in general doesnt work for her

coastalgran Fri 24-Sep-21 12:39:45

No good speculating the why and wherefore of what the parents have done. She needs to ask them outright what the reason is for using the breakfast club when she is available, it may turn out to be a very good reason. Then everyone can get on with their lives.

TopsyAndTim Fri 24-Sep-21 12:45:08

They do owe an explanation when their decision impacts on the nannys schedule and pay.
It doesn't matter now anyway. After them breaking the contract and paying her less for the week, she is going to look for something new anyway. A family who will appreciate her and treat her fairly.

Cossy Fri 24-Sep-21 12:52:39

I think before I comment I would have to know what the contractual obligations are, does she work in school holidays, what are her long term health conditions ? Looking after other people’s children a massive responsibility and big ask, it doesn’t look like either you or we are in possession of full facts, why has she not had any holiday in a year ? All sounds very odd from both sides to be honest

Cossy Fri 24-Sep-21 12:53:57

I’m afraid I’m employment law a verbal contract isn’t binding anymore, for both her and the employers protection there should have been a written contract in place

janipans Fri 24-Sep-21 12:54:59

Could it not be that the parents are simply trying to be kind to your relative? Can just imagine a scenario where the parents might think they were doing their best to ease the workload for your relative given her illness but are too embarrassed to say so. They might be devastated if they knew that actually she was so very upset about it. Or, alternatively, maybe they have found after reviewing post Covid that their finances are no longer up to the luxury of having a nanny - even people who appear to be well off can have less disposable income than it appears. I think your relative just needs an open discussion with them. (after all, they will also be well placed to recommend her to another family if they no longer need her)

Feelingmyage55 Fri 24-Sep-21 12:56:23

Suggest posting on the childcare board on Mumsnet, giving a little more detail. You will get very well informed replies rather than opinions.