Gransnet forums


To ask what you would think here?

(76 Posts)
TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 19:48:36

Relative is a nanny. She disclosed a chronic illness to her employers.
This week they said they were putting the kids into a breakfast club for the morning and did not give an explanation as to why. Relative normally covers before school and after school.
Aibu to say they are subtly trying to get rid of her and find a cheaper childcare option?
She has supported them through a lot this year and has run herself ragged helping them.

wildswan16 Thu 23-Sep-21 19:58:12

It is absolutely impossible to know what is going on in this situation. The parents want their chidren to go to breakfast club - that is there right. I really don't think you should try to read anything into this. It is between your relative and her employers.

It is also up to them if they wish to dismiss their nanny - parenting needs change. Her illness may or may not have had anything to do with it.

lemongrove Thu 23-Sep-21 19:59:03

Or are they asking less of her to help as she has a chronic illness?

Marcheline Thu 23-Sep-21 20:27:13

Id be inclined to think that they are either trying to give your relative a bit of a break, given their illness. Or, that they are worried the illness may impact on their long term childcare requirements, so are trying to think ahead and find alternative childcare if it is needed in future. I dont think theyre "trying to get rid of her", just trying to have other options if need be. How long has this relation if yours been their nanny?

ElderlyPerson Thu 23-Sep-21 20:34:56

The scenario is not clear to me.

Does your relative dwell in her employer's house?

What are her hours of duty?

How does the children going to breakfast club affect, if at all, her duties?

For what duration are the children going to breakfast club? Just one day, this week or every school day in future?

When you refer to her 'employers', what exactly is the situation?

For example, is she directly employed with the parents employing her in the same way as a woman working an office of a large employer is employed,

or is she a self-employed contractor who is, whatever the word is, in the same way as they would have a self-employed electrician come in to install some cable and extra sockets

or is she employed by an agency and the parents pay the agency like they would pay the electrician, and the agency pays her as an employee of the agency?

Doodledog Thu 23-Sep-21 21:29:52

Is the nature of her illness such that she is likely to have a lot of time off sick?

If so, the employers may well be worried that their childcare cover could be compromised, which is an enormous hassle for working parents, as well as being potentially expensive if they have to pay for someone to cover as well as for your relative.

TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 21:42:01

She already has 1 condition and she was taken on with the knowledge that she has this. She then developed the second condition during her time with them. She has never taken a day off in the year she has been there and has been extremely reliable.

She is employed by them but is live out. She works the before school shift and the after school shift. Thats why she was worried when one of these morning shifts just got taken from her with no explanation. It's made her feel that they are looking to take away some of her hours because she is ill.
I can't think but think it's all a bit odd. Them paying for another service when she is available and not even explaining to her why.

Doodledog Thu 23-Sep-21 22:01:48

It does look a bit dodgy, to be honest.

Does she have a contract of employment with them?

TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 22:19:07

I will have to ask.
Her employers are at best, insensitive though. If they had given her a reason then it maybe would feel better or at least she would know where she stands. To just give her shift away with no explanation a few weeks after disclosing an illness, well I can see why she feels so rotten.

Hetty58 Thu 23-Sep-21 22:22:11

They may simply be starting to move over to breakfast club for other reasons. Perhaps the kids have friends there or maybe it'll work out cheaper. She could ask them why.

Being a nanny for them is fairly short term anyway - as the kids grow and develop so quickly.

TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 22:32:02

It's not exactly fair treatment right now though is it?
She will leave if they try and reduce her hours as it wouldn't be worth doing any longer. I just think some honesty and transparency on their side is long overdue. Not a very nice way to treat someone.

BlueBelle Thu 23-Sep-21 22:48:13

But you say they have put them into breakfast club for A MORNING do you mean for one morning if so maybe there’s a simple reason Why doesn’t she just ask ?
You don’t say how old the children are or how long the. Nannie has been doing the job if she has two chronic condition is she still fit to do the work ?
Lots of question no

Marcheline Thu 23-Sep-21 22:48:54

So her morning shift has been permanently lost now? It wasnt just that theyve given her a few days off then?

It could be because of the health condition, but it could just as easily be that the kids are getting a bit older (?) now and the breakfast club is cheaper, so they are giving that a go to see how the kids get on.

TopsyAndTim Thu 23-Sep-21 22:54:44

It was just for the one day but no explanation given and seems very weird given the fact that my relative would normally do it.
As I said, she would have to give up the job if the employers decided to put the kids into the breakfast club as it would not be worth her while.
I do understand how she feels because I would feel the same. Not nice when you are being kept in the dark and that you are being punished almost for having an illness which is outside of your control.
She's been there almost a year, taken no time off, handled all the early mornings etc. Just seems a bit off that they would treat her like this. By all means change the arrangement in the morning but at least be upfront about it. They must also know she wouldn't stay in the role if they did this and they very much need her after school.
Just not sure what they are doing but does seem weird. I have told my relative to have her guard up and to not let herself be screwed over in any way.

ElderlyPerson Thu 23-Sep-21 23:10:42

Did she lose money on that morning or did they pay her anyway?

Is it 'zero hours' working?

CafeAuLait Thu 23-Sep-21 23:58:08

One day? I would wonder if the kids have asked to go for social reasons that day. If it was due to her illness, I'd think it wouldn't be just the one day.

Is the condition degenerative? If so, maybe the parents have realised they will need to find an alternative eventually so are getting things in place now. Maybe it's cheaper. Maybe they were talking about it anyway for reasons that have nothing to do with the nanny.

You may never know why but childcare choice and changes are the parents' choice. It would only ring alarm bells for me if they were replacing one nanny with another nanny. Here, they have started a totally different type of arrangement.

MissAdventure Fri 24-Sep-21 00:07:49

Parents are always (hopefully) going to do what is best for their child, and that will change as the time passes.
It's right that they do, and a pity that it impacts on the nanny, but there isn't going to be an answer that suits all.

Summerlove Fri 24-Sep-21 00:50:04

She needs to talk to them

welbeck Fri 24-Sep-21 01:16:55

it could be that they are trying to nudge her to resign, for whatever reason.
i am less surprised than you if they are behaving badly; it is a business arrangement, not a personal relationship, they will only continue it so long as it suits them.
i doubt that they feel any need to consider how it impacts her.
that's the way of the world, generally.
perhaps she could start looking around for alternative jobs.
by the way, why did she tell them about her chronic condition, does it affect her job.

CafeAuLait Fri 24-Sep-21 01:19:58

OP, I'm wondering from a couple of things you've said if you think that they should keep your friend on all hours previous just because she has been diagnosed with this condition?

I get that it feels rough. I've been in a position where I felt let down by an employer but the honest truth of the situation is that they employ me to meet their needs and goals. If some of all of my time is no longer required, they will change it just like that, regardless of my personal situation.

nanna8 Fri 24-Sep-21 02:37:05

It’s hard to say much not knowing the full situation. It does sound as though there is a lack of communication though and perhaps she should talk to her employer honestly about how she feels and what is happening. It could well be that they are trying to lighten her load a bit but you would have to know what sort of people they are to draw that conclusion.

CafeAuLait Fri 24-Sep-21 03:56:21


It’s hard to say much not knowing the full situation. It does sound as though there is a lack of communication though and perhaps she should talk to her employer honestly about how she feels and what is happening. It could well be that they are trying to lighten her load a bit but you would have to know what sort of people they are to draw that conclusion.

We do know they weren't put off by the original condition the nanny had, so maybe that says something about them?

Whatdayisit Fri 24-Sep-21 06:41:30

I can understand your relative feeling uncertain about her future. The best thing she can do is speak to the parents of her worries.
Hopefully it turns out to be a random reason and her job isn't effected.

BlueBelle Fri 24-Sep-21 06:41:49

So now we know it’s just for one day it’s strange that they didn’t give a reason but I suppose they don’t have to

Don’t you think you are jumping the gun to think she’s about to lose hours and ultimately her job because of one small adjustment on ONE day !!!

You don’t say the ages of the children but it may be as they get older that that’s what they want to do and then if that’s not enough for your relative she may have to rethink her job and either look for another or mix and match and find a ‘take to school’ job in addition to the ‘pick up’ one she has

Doesn’t a nannie look after babies ?

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 24-Sep-21 08:38:34

This seems to be a lot of fuss for just going to the breakfast club on one morning! Perhaps it’s something the children want to do? Making some friends? Perhaps OP could say how old the children are, what medical conditions the nanny has and what the prognosis is? It’s possible that the employers are looking ahead to a time when the nanny can’t carry out her duties but one can’t speculate about that without knowing more or on the basis of a change in routine on just one morning.