To include son in will

With all due respect maddie I'm confused at how you propose to ‘exclude’ your dil? For example, assume your son uses the money to pay off the remainder of their mortgage, are you proposing your dil loses her rights to her own home? It’s a marital asset, and half hers. Your will can’t take that away from her. If your son buys a car, you expect to stipulate that it can’t be used by your dil? Say he saves it to allow a more comfortable retirement, do you expect him to buy his own food, holiday alone etc so that your dil doesn’t also benefit? You say you and your husband want your own children to ‘enjoy’ the money. I can’t imagine my son enjoying something that deliberately excluded his wife. I’m not sure how your son can use this money in a way that doesn’t also benefit your dil, short of ending his marriage.

The whole focus of mine and DH life was saving up money for our DC. My DH spent a lot of time caring for his parents knowing if he did we would have money to leave DC. He did the same for my DP building, decorating, taking to the shops, caring and even allowed my DM to move in with us. I understand the efforts he went to to make sure our DC were not going without and had a bright future but circumstances made it impossible to help both at the same time. I don't feel DD has taken money deliberately, I feel she made one or two poor choices and needed help. Nobody would choose a divorce or to be a single parent with no help she's in her 40s it must be embarrassing for her having to still rely on her mum

Is your son living in his wife's house?

Just wondering why your daughter needed to have money when your husband's mother dies? I'm a little confused here.

Good for you to go to a solicitor.
Please don't take your daughter with you!

Maddiedu

When my DP died we kept the money to be split between DD and DS to help them into a property each. Then the prices rocketed and DS met DIL so DH and DD asked if it was ok to take the money to help DD. She was on her own and we could only help one.

After we gave her all of the money she met her now EX and when they divorced he took the majority of the house because DD was doing her master's and he was holding down 3 jobs to pay so DD left what was a beautiful 3 bed with much less than we put in. She needed more to get the second property as her EX was entitled to so much.

When DH DM died there was the issue with DD splitting from her child's father and so we helped her again.

I do like my DIL she's not a gold digger and I feel it's nothing personal against her, my DH wouldn't have wanted our money being enjoyed by anybody outside of the family, we worked hard to Save for our DC not other people's.

I will take advise about going to the solicitor and maybe I can honor my DH wishes by somehow excluding DIL from the money and nobody else.

I have discussed this with DD and she's offered to support me as she doesn't want to see her brother going without and her father's wishes ignored.

This feels even more like a wind up!

Every reply, rather unusually suggests that you do this on your own without DD being involved!

Every reply says 50/50.

Yet here you are involving your daughter yet again and still trying to exclude your daughter in law all because DD lost her share to an ex husband!

It’s craziness! I feel so sorry for your son and his family.

So.Maddiedu are you going to leave half to your son but state that he must not spend any on his wife or on anything that benefits them both ?
You can leave money to your son and stipulate that if he is not alive when you die then his share goes to his children. This is probably what most people do.
As for your daughter !!!

I will take advise about going to the solicitor and maybe I can honor my DH wishes by somehow excluding DIL from the money and nobody else.

I have discussed this with DD and she's offered to support me as she doesn't want to see her brother going without and her father's wishes ignored

You haven't read the thread have you? I am astonished that you can write about your DH not wanting the mother of your grandchildren to get any of the 'family' money, then you tell us of the litany of disaster that is your daughter's personal life as she walks away from several houses that Daddy financed.....unbelievable. Frankly, if your son and his family still talk to you and your dreadful daughter, it is more than either of you deserve. What did you expect us all to say? That we agreed with you? Well, it's a no from me. I think you have posted about this before, and my answer then was the same as it is now.

maddie everything you describe is financial abuse.

This is your money now, no one else's. You don't have to honour someone's wishes when they are irrational and unreasonable

When my DP died we kept the money to be split between DD and DS to help them into a property each. Then the prices rocketed and DS met DIL so DH and DD asked if it was ok to take the money to help DD. She was on her own and we could only help one.

After we gave her all of the money she met her now EX and when they divorced he took the majority of the house because DD was doing her master's and he was holding down 3 jobs to pay so DD left what was a beautiful 3 bed with much less than we put in. She needed more to get the second property as her EX was entitled to so much.

When DH DM died there was the issue with DD splitting from her child's father and so we helped her again.

I do like my DIL she's not a gold digger and I feel it's nothing personal against her, my DH wouldn't have wanted our money being enjoyed by anybody outside of the family, we worked hard to Save for our DC not other people's.

I will take advise about going to the solicitor and maybe I can honor my DH wishes by somehow excluding DIL from the money and nobody else.

I have discussed this with DD and she's offered to support me as she doesn't want to see her brother going without and her father's wishes ignored.

Contact a solicitor and get your Will written without involving your daughter. Leave them 50% each to be fair. Don’t mention or discuss with daughter at all

Absolutely right. Very simple.

She must be desperate for you to make a Will, if you die intestate I presume it will be split 50/50 anyway. I would go to a Solicitors without mentioning it to anybody, make the Will you want which would be a fair one and just keep quiet. A Degree does not make you a better person, nor neccesarily that nice or kind. I have read most posts, I think, I am not sure that you tell us whether you like your DIL.

well if I was your son or DiL, I would be very hurt at your and your late DH's assumption that DiL was a gold digger, especially after watching your DD being bailed out time after time as she made a right old mess of her life. How many houses did your DD have paid for? You are lucky that your son and his family even talk to you, as for your DD.........she is manipulating you, just as your late husband did.

Your DIL will only benefit it you mention her in your will. Most only name their son or daughter. If your son splits with his wife she will be able to claim a share of everything in a divorce settlement. How dare your daughter suggest it should all go to her, on what basis ? Would she accept it if you left your estate wholly to your son. How about leaving your estate to your grandchildren solely

My condolences on the loss of your husband.

I'm struggling to understand your late H's reasoning in this Maddiedu.

Your son has been married for 20 years and they have children. They're a couple so what benefits one automatically benefits the other. When your d.i.l.'s parents die, if she inherits from their estate then your son would benefit too.

Your will has nothing to do with your D and as your son appears to have been sidelined when it comes to financial support, now is the time for you to redress the balance.

You must do what you believe is right, and IMO at the very least that is splitting the inheritance 50/50. In your position I'd be leaving more to my son to take into account the money my D had already received.

Spend the bloody money before you go , then no one will get their hands on it !

Your husband's will was to leave 'everything' to you ... bearing in mind probably most was yours already as marital property. His will has been executed. It's your turn now. An opportunity to put things right.

Your son sounds like he is a fine, upright man. In a stable relationship and has given you two GC.

Your daughter certainly isn't better because she has a degree. Can't keep a man. Can't organise her financial affairs as she needed daddy to buy her houses, plural! Actually sounds like your husband made her a favourite and spoiled her. LITERALLY.

You know in your heart what the right thing to do is. Leave the money equally between your two children. I hope you still have a relationship with your son in whom you should be proud.

Contact a solicitor and get your Will written without involving your daughter. Leave them 50% each to be fair. Don’t mention or discuss with daughter at all. No need. She’s had far more than her fair share. DIL has stuck by your son for 20 yrs (& produced gc?) so deserves to benefit from his share. Your daughter sounds greedy & selfish to me and there’s no guarantee she’ll hand any of it over, if you gift it all to her, when you’re gone.
Leave a note stating which solicitor has your will amongst other paperwork. No copies at home for finding/ arguing over. Say you’re not discussing it anymore & mean it!!

Your DIL is NOT an outsider!!! She is a long-standing member of your family.

I understand you feel you don't want to go against your husbands wishes ..but what is YOUR view of his wishes? Is he right in those views? Is he right to see your DIL of 20 years as an outsider? Were YOU permanently an outsider from his family? Did you benefit from any inheritance from his family, with him? Did he benefit from any inheritance with you, from your family?

You need to decide what YOUR views are and then do what YOU think is right for your son, your DiL, and daughter! Some of your comments suggest that you don't really agree with your husband and daughters view but that is for you to decide

Definitely 50/50 IMHO.
Make up your own mind now. Your DD has already benefited far more than your DS.
Explain your fears to the solicitor drawing up your will-that it should go to DS and then DGC only.
Do not leave it all to DD for her to look after DS.
This happened in my DH’s family; everything was finally to youngest daughter and she kept it all to herself, even sentimental items that had been promised and family photos too. It caused such ill will-treat your children equally.

I haven’t read any other replies. Your whole post is awful! Your children should get half each. What they then do with it, is up to them. You won’t care, because you’ll be dead.

To be honest, I’d be tempted to leave nothing to your greedy daughter, and everything to your son.

This smacks of emotional and mental abuse to me!!! Your daughter knows you rely on her and by doing what you feel is right she is making you feel vulnerable. Sad state of affairs.

Maddiedu Astonishing,I find it hard to believe anyone could behave in such a nasty controlling and divisive way.
Your poor son and his wife.

I too remember a post very similar if not the same as this a short while ago. Very strange coincidence,

You and your DD are coming across as nasty pieces of work.
You have already decided that your DIL is going to STEAL your money.
Oh hang on she has been with your DS for over 20 years and produced DGC.
Yet your DD has been married and divorced. Got the money from you for I don't know
how many houses.
Yes she is clever, clever in feathering her own nest. Stuff her DB.
Yes I'm sure she will see him right after your death and if you believe that your more
stupid than you're coming across.