Taking in parcels for neighbours

Rosie51

ElderlyPerson

I wonder how many of the people who are criticising me have read my first post in this thread carefully and thoroughly.

Well I thought I had. You talk about 'cap in hand' if you deigned to go and collect a parcel from a neighbour. On another thread I think I was the first to hope you were OK and send you best wishes, but obviously that consideration is not reciprocated. Your 'interpretation' of what it means when someone takes in a parcel for a neighbour seems somewhat extreme. Most people think it's a neighbourly thing to do, and the neighbour on getting a card saying 'parcel left at 51' would go and knock at number 51 and thank their neighbour for their kindness. You seem to assume the neighbour at 51 has somehow violated your transaction and therefor assumed full responsibility for ensuring you enjoy delivery of your parcel. I'm assuming you don't take parcels in for your neighbours?

You mention another thread and asking after my wellbeing. Can you remind me which thread please?

Well I have only ever been asked to once, by a delivery driver, and I declined because it was confusing. I implicitly assumed that if I took it in I would need to deliver it. It was not clear to whom it should be delivered.

We do the bin thing here too TeacherAnne. Police crime analysis has shown that burglars canvas areas noting where bins are left out for longer than those of their neighbours. Even if they are put away an hour or so later than everybody else’s in the daytime that could indicate a shift worker who doesn’t get home til mid morning. And sometimes houses do get burgled while people are sleeping so tidying away bins for neighbours is a kindly and responsible act.

Thank you for your kind comment Vanecam.

ElderlyPerson It was a while ago. Mostly about the precautions you took, when some were saying they were over the top. I said I thought they were probably not necessary, but that you weren't hurting anybody so if they made you feel safe that was fine. You did thank me for my best wishes. I just find your comments on this thread somewhat harsh.

Rosie51

ElderlyPerson It was a while ago. Mostly about the precautions you took, when some were saying they were over the top. I said I thought they were probably not necessary, but that you weren't hurting anybody so if they made you feel safe that was fine. You did thank me for my best wishes. I just find your comments on this thread somewhat harsh.

This thread is in the AIBU section.

So the post is to ask "Am I being unreasonable?"

Within the post is the following.

> but it does annoy me that they don’t have the decency to come and collect from us.

I suppose it depends if the person has asked the OP to take in a parcel, or if the delivery driver had just cold called.

I took it to mean a cold call delivery driver.

So my opinion having been asked is that if the person has asked for it to be accepted then the modality of how the parcel would get into the recipient's home should have been clearly arranged at the time, but if the parcel had been accepted as a result of a cold call by a delivery driver then the responsibility of getting it to the recipient's home has been voluntarily accepted by the person accepting the parcel, so no basis for annoyance or issues of the lack of decency by the recipient. Do the whole job with happiness or decline to get involved.

I think that this thread highlights differences of expectations.

I am reminded of something told long ago in a staff common room.

A lady was recounting how, newly married and having moved into a new home together (as opposed to one joining the other in an existing home upon marriage) they had almost had a big row over an issue that started simmering over a period about the garden.

She laughed as she explained that when she was a girl, her father always did the garden, and when her husband was a boy, his mother always did the garden.

Each was waiting for the other to get on with doing what was regarded as their gender-based role of looking after the garden.

They agreed to do it together.

ElderlyPerson

Rosie51

ElderlyPerson It was a while ago. Mostly about the precautions you took, when some were saying they were over the top. I said I thought they were probably not necessary, but that you weren't hurting anybody so if they made you feel safe that was fine. You did thank me for my best wishes. I just find your comments on this thread somewhat harsh.

This thread is in the AIBU section.

So the post is to ask "Am I being unreasonable?"

Within the post is the following.

> but it does annoy me that they don’t have the decency to come and collect from us.

I suppose it depends if the person has asked the OP to take in a parcel, or if the delivery driver had just cold called.

I took it to mean a cold call delivery driver.

So my opinion having been asked is that if the person has asked for it to be accepted then the modality of how the parcel would get into the recipient's home should have been clearly arranged at the time, but if the parcel had been accepted as a result of a cold call by a delivery driver then the responsibility of getting it to the recipient's home has been voluntarily accepted by the person accepting the parcel, so no basis for annoyance or issues of the lack of decency by the recipient. Do the whole job with happiness or decline to get involved.

Please don't ascribe to me the quote but it does annoy me that they don’t have the decency to come and collect from us. which is something I didn't say!!!!!!! I thought you were basically a decent person, don't be surprised I have revised my opinion!! Whilst you don't explicitly attribute the quote to me the absence of anybody else being quoted.......many will think that's my quote. I'm so disappointed in you, I won't be engaging with you in the future since I don't think you are coming from an honest place.

Oh, I didn't intend to give that impression at all.

I was replying to your comment "I just find your comments on this thread somewhat harsh."

I was replying by explaining to you that the thread is asking "Am I being unreasonable?"

I wrote

> So the post is to ask "Am I being unreasonable?"

> Within the post is the following.

With the wisdom of hindsight after reading your note to me I realise that it would be clearer if had written

So the OP's post is to ask "Am I being unreasonable?"

Within the OP's post is the following.

I always try to discuss things in a polite and fair manner.

All I can do is to respectfully assure you that I did not seek to cause any misunderstanding by writing what I wrote.

We have great neighbours - we have a residents association and a Facebook Group. It wouldn’t occur to me not to take in parcels, we water our neighbours’ garden and feed their cat if they are away and vice versa. My OH is the go to man if any tools are needed or someone has a household problem- bat in the house, leaking tap, shelf needed putting up etc. We’ve got an assortment of keys for about 8 of our neighbours houses if someone gets locked out.

i don't see how the person taking in the parcel is under any duty to trot round to deliver it.
you have a strange way of looking at things, EP.
far from interfering in your transaction, the neighbour has been inconvenienced by having to interact with a delivery person, with no benefit to themselves, and then have the parcel hanging around in their premises, or the bother of trotting round to get rid of it.
it's ok where people are all equally helpful, i suppose, and willing.
but i wouldn't get involved. i don't want people coming to my door, or the responsibility of others' property.
then again i do not have any parcels coming to me.
a neighbour near me had difficulty getting his parcels from his neighbour. she would say she was in the bath, couldn't come to the door, or never answer the door, or just say she hadn't got his parcel.
he felt she was keeping them. the most charitable explanation was that she is not the full shilling.

I take in parcels for my immediate neighbours but have drawn the line at the flats further up the street.
One particular flat housed a single man, the first parcel had instructions to deliver to our address even though he hadn't asked, it was only book sized so not much of a problem. It did become a problem though when the parcels got bigger and he never came to collect. We had builders in working throughout the whole house and in one week there was an adult bike and a massive TV closely followed by a damp parcel which had stamped on LIVE FISH. We rang his doorbell only to be told by another neighbour he had moved out, we had to ring the letting agency to get in touch with him.
When the new tenant moved in, a young woman, it started all over again. We had parcels left in our porch daily, they used to pile up as she never bothered to call for them, can't have been in need of the things she ordered.

What do you mean by cold call delivery dtiver EP ?
I suppose it depends if the person has asked the OP to take in a parcel, or if the delivery driver had just cold called
I took it to mean a cold call delivery driver

You are never under any obligation to deliver a parcel to a neighbour unless an agreement has been made with them and any courier who has ever asked me to has told me he is leaving a card to say where the parcel is so that the recipient can collect it.
While there may be some rogue couriers who take short cuts, I think the increase in internet shopping and home delivery has made the companies sharpen up their act and become much more efficient.
As you said do not engage with your Tesco delivery driver except through an upstairs window, I do not see how you are finding yourself obliged to open the door to a courier so I don’t imagine the situation really arises.
The “splendid isolation” you take pride in preserving does not sit well with everybody and most if not all of us here appreciate that good neighbours and mutual care and consideration are a welcome part of life. Give and take?

"Does anyone else have this problem?"

Yes, we did with our next door neighbours. We always had to deliver it. They just never bothered collecting. Pure laziness. We don't have the problem any longer as they leave their dog alone for hours at night knowing it barks and howls. Requests to not do so have had no response. So we don't speak.
I willingly offer to take parcels for others. It's a friendly neighbourly thing to do and gives us a rare opportunity to speak to them.

I get Grammareto's point about stairs. And would feel the same.
SueDonim we have had delivery drivers not even waiting 5 seconds before depositing a parcel behind a bin and sometimes not even ringing the bell. Although they have never done so and left it with a neighbour.

I think EP knows now that most people disagree with her.

We are just three houses together, we have always taken parcels in, cannot see a reason not to. (If it’s heavy I will let them know it’s here for them to collect, if not I just drop it round when I see they are home)

ElderlyPerson

This thread is also somewhat unusual as it is an AIBU thread.

But the question asked at the end of the first post is not an AIBU question. The question implicity assumes the questioner is being readsonable.

But what is the AIBU question?

It like when the then government asked about whether to remain in the European Union and implicitly assumed what answer would be given in reply.

ElderlyPerson
Because you live in a literal world you would not have read that the op was inferring AIBU.

ElderlyPerson

I wonder how many of the people who are criticising me have read my first post in this thread carefully and thoroughly.

I did. And my reaction was "Wow, just wow"

Happy to take parcels in for our neighbours and drop them round when we see they’re back home. We also sort out each other’s bins if we’re on holiday, or out for the day, let each other know if we’re going away and generally look out for each other.

ElderlyPerson

If a parcel came for me, even pre-pandemic, if it had been taken to another house not at my request I would not go and ask for it. If the delivery person chooses to take it to other than where it is consigned and someone else accepts it, the person accepts the responsibility to deliver it. That person cannot get involved in my private transaction then expect me to go to them cap in hand.

Apart from the principle, I could not carry it unless it was very light. Then I would often ask the deliverer to put it in the hall. Now I arrange for it to be left on the top step so I can slide it in.

It is like that man who got bitten by the horse when he went and involved himself without being asked. If the neighbour agrees to get involved when there is no obligation whatsoever to get involved then volenti not fit injuria.

EP, has a point here. If you take a parcel in for someone, it does become your responsibility. This is exactly what I don’t want....so don’t take them in.

Last year, a student in our road was adamant a parcel for her had been left at our address. It hadn’t. I said I don’t take parcels for students.

There are two residents I would take for. Been here 30 years like us, but most people....no.

I find this an interesting discussion because clearly I have a different view of it than other people here.

Looking at it objectively I wonder why.

As far as I am aware there is nowhere any written official guidance about thjs.

Companies write about "leaving it with a neighbour" and some delivery drivers do so, recklessly as they do not know the trustworthiness of the person whom they approach, but nowhere have I ever seen written anything about how the parcel is to get from there to the recipients's home.

So, why exactly do people consider that the onus is on the recipient to go round to their house and collect it?

I have always thought that the onus is on the person who has got involved to follow through and complete what they have volunteered to do. From my perspective it seems sort of obvious.

We have taken in many parcels for our next door neighbour over the years. I seem to think it is always us who take them over. However, we do go away an awful lot and they always put our bins out. Help each other out as and when needed.

If the delivery person chooses to take it to other than where it is consigned and someone else accepts it, the person accepts the responsibility to deliver it. That person cannot get involved in my private transaction then expect me to go to them cap in hand

Um we are just talking about neighbourliness here,not world peace!

ElderlyPerson
You must have noticed by now ( on GN) that your perspective is out of kilter with the majority of posters views.

kittylester

For goodness sake. Give and take!

I agree with KL. We all work together in our neighbourhood, if we know we're not going to be in to take delivery of our own parcels we generally give the closest neighbours the heads up but everyone makes the effort to collect their own parcels - unless they're heavy and we've got two lovely men who step in to help.
It's all about give and take - perhaps the OP could just have a quiet work with the offending neighbour and politely ask that they collect their parcels in a timely manner?

We live in a really long rd so only really know immediate neighbours. I always accept parcels and they do for me . I will go and collect immediately or give them a knock on their return but I took a parcel for someone I don't know who lived quite a few houses away and it sat in my hall for over a week . I eventually delivered it and she said she had been intending to collect it etc etc . That annoyed me a bit as I got the impression she thought it was my duty to walk all the way down the road with her heavy parcel personally .
One day I seemed to have numerous parcels one after the other piling up in my hall and was a tad irritated by that especially as one recipient was working from home .

Maybe when someone sees to whom the delivery driver has chosen to deliver their parcel they don't want the parcel.

Start thinking about it.

We have a big porch that isn't easily seen from the road so our parcels are quite often just left there. I also take in parcels for the village library and we also have a neighbours WhatsApp group so, between us, we cover bins, plant watering and parcels.

I have also retrieved parcels that have been left outside neighbour's doors if they might get wet.

It seems obvious to me that we help each other out.