Calling adult sisters 'the girls'

When I lived in Suffolk a group of us (now all over 70) used to get together one night per month, taking it in turns to host and everyone contributing towards the meal. That was, and still is, even though I no longer live there, referred to as girls night. To call it ladies night would seem a bit naff, reminiscent of the time when occasionally mens' groups would organise a "Ladies Night".

Actually I agree with you mostly Baggs. As I said up thread I have no problem being called a girl, even though I’m clearly no longer a girl.

When I said that a group of women could be called ladies, I meant in the context of, for example, a restaurant. So a waiter may approach a group of women seated at a table and may say,

‘What can I get for you girls?’

or

‘What can I get for you women?’

or

‘What can I get for you ladies?’

I know which I’d prefer, and it’s not women.
And of course it should be similar for men,

‘What can I get for you gentlemen?’ is perfectly appropriate. It’s also polite, as would be the use of the word ladies.

I don't like referring to children as kids. My aunts used to refer to older unmarried ladies as spinsters.

Some women dislike being referred to as a lady. I’ve seen that opinion on GN before now.

My oldest DD’s graduation ceremony began by the audience being addressed as ‘Ladies and gentlemen’. When my dd2 graduated, the speech began with ‘Men and women.’ I was quite cross at being demoted to second place!

I dare say the next change will be ‘Prostate havers and cervix havers’.

I wouldn’t be offended at all, as your friend(s) are beswitched, I’m surprised they haven’t been vocal in their dislike before reaching their 60’s.

This has made me wonder. Our two sons in their 40s are referred to as “the boys “by us and their sister. It is lovely and affectionate and I have no problem with it.
However DH refers to friends who he likes very much and who are a married gay couple as “the boys “. It makes me cringe as it sounds so patronising. Perhaps I have dual standards ??

Yes it's hard to know really. 'The girls' in some scenarios is annoying and belittling, and in others affectionate and familial.

A poster upthread would find being described as a 'spinster' inoffensive whereas others absolutely hate that expression.

I sometimes refer to children in the family as 'the kids'. I have seen people online say they dislike that expression as they think it refers to goats.

I suppose it is hard to get it right.

Beswitched

tinaf1

I had four unmarried aunts , all dead now unfortunately last one was 99 when she died.
They all lived together all their lives and they were referred to as the girls all their lives by family and friends
Whoever visited or was going to it was always said “ we are going to see the girls or we’ve been to see the girls “
Can’t say it ever seemed to bother them , and they wasn’t backward in speaking their minds .

I have to say, in that situation I would have hated to be called 'the girls'.

beswitched your more than entitled to your feelings regarding any situation. I don’t think I would have liked it either.
My post on this thread was to make the point that what upsets some people doesn’t bother someone else.
I can honestly say that all the time my four aunts were alive none of them showed any upset or irritation about people referring to them as “the girls” and they weren’t backwards in coming forwards if something did annoy or upset them.

Whenever we visit our cousins in Ireland, they refer to us all, whether male or female, as 'the lads'. None of it bothers me. I don't care what I'm called.

tinaf1

I had four unmarried aunts , all dead now unfortunately last one was 99 when she died.
They all lived together all their lives and they were referred to as the girls all their lives by family and friends
Whoever visited or was going to it was always said “ we are going to see the girls or we’ve been to see the girls “
Can’t say it ever seemed to bother them , and they wasn’t backward in speaking their minds .

I have to say, in that situation I would have hated to be called 'the girls'.

I had four unmarried aunts , all dead now unfortunately last one was 99 when she died.
They all lived together all their lives and they were referred to as the girls all their lives by family and friends
Whoever visited or was going to it was always said “ we are going to see the girls or we’ve been to see the girls “
Can’t say it ever seemed to bother them , and they wasn’t backward in speaking their minds .

Well, it does depend on the context and culture, doesn't it? I know a few Scots who might still call a young (or even older) woman Lassie.
If you think Lassie means a dog, then I think you're taking your cue from an old American TV show (or is Lassie now a common name for dogs?)

I love the story about marrying so you wouldn't be a 'girl'. Makes me wonder what other extreme things you might do to avoid being labelled!

Oh dear.Seems I'm lazy and ridiculous according to a previous poster.We have 3 adult daughters but collectively DH and I call them 'the girls ' Eg DH will say have you heard from any of the girls today ?Or wasn't it lovely to see the girls together this weekend It is said with love and affection. If anyone asks if I have a family I reply that we have 3 daughters. But within our home they are are 'girls' and I can't see anything wrong with that.

We know a family who rather late in life had a son, he was always referred to as the Boy, and in his thirties still is.

I actually read a novel once where one of the characters was reflecting on why she had married her husband. She realised that it was because her 2 unmarried aunts were always referred to as 'the girls' and she could not bear the thought of her and her sister being called that well into their elderly years.

Bit of an extreme solution maybe

FarNorth

^I suspect that the women who dislike it are aware of being belittled in other ways.^

You could be right, there.

Or in my case you could be wrong!

Nobody needs to feel patronised or demeaned - that is within our control

Granny23

I think my objection to being called a girl dates back to the days when the male shop floor workers were called 'the Men' whereas, regardless of age and experience, female workers - shop floor, canteen or office were categorised as 'Girls'. I find waiters, etc. referring to a group of grown up females as Girls condescending to say the least. I will normally call them out saying 'I'm a Woman - W O M A N'

Strangely, or maybe not, I do not object to being called a Lassie, though my friend does and will state 'I'm a woman not a sheepdog'

Another example of lack of equity, Granny23.

When I won a Ladies' archery award one of my daughters huffed a bit but I told her the men's award was called a Gents' award. That made it alright.

Oh dear, my son who is coming up for 21 but is 10 years younger than his closest sibling is still affectionately called 'the boy'. He doesn't seem to mind but if he did, I hope he'd tell me. I tend to use the phrase on Social Media so people know who I am talking about but I don't actually name him as his is a distinctive name and I don't want to identify him to people outside our social circle. My profile is locked down to family and friends but I always want to make sure that he can't be publicly identified unless he chooses to tag himself. There is never anything which is mortifying to him or detrimental to his working life but he can choose what is public.

maddyone

I think a group of women, for example, in a restaurant, could be collectively be called ladies. Girls could be taken to be demeaning, women is curt and rude.

And a group of men in a similar situation "gentlemen"? It wouldn't be fair (equitable) otherwise.

I don't agree that referring to a group of women as a group of women is curt and rude. A group of women is exactly that. Similarly a group of men.

No pleasing some people.

Also girls could be taken as demeaning but it needn't be if the context in which it's used is not demeaning. What is one demeaned to if the demeaner (bearing) of the speaker is not negative or patronising? Context always matters. I don't believe the collective noun 'girls' is usually used demeaningly.

Or maybe I tend to think anyone who tries to diminish other people by their diction is what Scots call a tw@t.

It's tricky isn't it? I often used to correct DH when he talked about "a girl in the office", saying he would never refer to a man as a boy and it is demeaning. I still feel this, but do find myself, at the age of 62, talking about having a day out "with the girls"!
My sister in law insists on calling her dogs "the girls" and that really does grate!

I think a group of women, for example, in a restaurant, could be collectively be called ladies. Girls could be taken to be demeaning, women is curt and rude.

I think my objection to being called a girl dates back to the days when the male shop floor workers were called 'the Men' whereas, regardless of age and experience, female workers - shop floor, canteen or office were categorised as 'Girls'. I find waiters, etc. referring to a group of grown up females as Girls condescending to say the least. I will normally call them out saying 'I'm a Woman - W O M A N'

Strangely, or maybe not, I do not object to being called a Lassie, though my friend does and will state 'I'm a woman not a sheepdog'

I’d rather be referred to as a girl than an old woman! I’m 68. So I am an old woman, but I don’t want it rubbing in.

I sometimes, certainly not always, refer to my sons as the boys. They’re in their 40s. And my daughter will always be my baby girl. She’s in her 30s.

I suspect that the women who dislike it are aware of being belittled in other ways.

You could be right, there.