Is it unfair to ask me to get rid of pet

I think she is trying to bully you, and it would be cruel to get rid of your pets unnecessarily.

You could have them re-homed, and she still refuses to let your grandchildren come to your home.

If she won't let you visit the children either at her home or somewhere else, it shows she is just playing games.

First of all, how does she know he is allergic to them ?
If he was, surely wouldn't you have been aware before now?
She wouldn't be the first person to use her child as an excuse just because she didn't like animals !
I would certainly keep your pets and make other arrangements to see your GC.

There's no guarantee that if you got rid of your pets that she would find some other reason to prevent a visit!

It doesn’t sound like your DIL is either telling you to get rid of your pets or not letting you see your GS. She is just saying he can’t stay with you as things are, which is fair enough if that would affect his health.

As others have said, we need more information.

libra10

I think she is trying to bully you, and it would be cruel to get rid of your pets unnecessarily.

You could have them re-homed, and she still refuses to let your grandchildren come to your home.

If she won't let you visit the children either at her home or somewhere else, it shows she is just playing games.

Hang on. In her posts yolks says that the other grandchildren are allowed to visit, but not the grandson because of his allergies.

So the DIL isn’t bullying or using children as an excuse. She’s happy for the others to come.

There’s no indication the DIL won’t compromise. It’s yolus that won’t. She wants her grandson to stay over and she wants her pets as well. That’s her bottom line.

And like many posters on here she doesn’t think the allergy thing s a problem.
It’s only a sniffle anyway and he can be given drugs to help so that the OP can have everything she wants.

Poor little boy.

In a word Yes

My grandson is 7 and has never stayed over as he is allergic to our cat. My grand daughter has stayed as she is not allergic. There has never been a question of the cat being rehomed. I see my grandson in his home or take him out for the day. It’s just the way it is. There must be room for compromise. He can stay at his other grandma’s as she has no pets.

highlanddreams

No you are not why should you get rid of your pets, pets are family and they live with you. Why should you be lonely in the rest of your life just so the grandkids can stop over now and again. I understand your grandson is allergic but maybe you could go & visit them instead as a compromise ?

Absolutely correct.

I wouldn’t get rid of my pets, they are part of my family, I’d visit grandchildren at their home!

I had a serious array of allergies after a few years in North America, although I brought my animal, mold and dust allergies with me. I developed asthma, and had the usual headaches, watering eyes, sneezes, blocked nose, sore throat and frequent sinus and ear infections. I started a course of injections and am now mostly allergy free and on maintenance injections once every 6 weeks. Are the injections not done in the UK?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10081313/Boy-12-died-suffering-allergic-reaction-Christmas-dinner-inquest-hears.html

How can a relative forget something this critical?

It would be really interesting to hear DIL's side - I think there's a lot that we haven't been told here. If the child has severe allergies, he shouldn't be in your home. Keep your pet and visit him elsewhere.

I wouldn’t get rid of my pets, they are part of m6 family. I am actually allergic to one of my dogs, she has a different coat and smell to my others. I wouldn’t dream of getting rid of her, I just take antihistamines. I am also allergic to therapy crop grown everywhere. We can have all sorts of allergies, you can’t just avoid everything that affects us. If your DIL won’t use antihistamines then just see your GS elsewhere. Good luck.

I wouldn’t get rid of my pets, they are part of m6 family. I am actually allergic to one of my dogs, she has a different coat and smell to my others. I wouldn’t dream of getting rid of her, I just take antihistamines. I am also allergic to therapy crop grown everywhere. We can have all sorts of allergies, you can’t just avoid everything that affects us. If your DIL won’t use antihistamines then just see your GS elsewhere. Good luck.

Not therapy crop! Rapeseed.

PS. It depends on the severity of the allergy too.

I’m truly shocked by the number of posters advocating giving a drug with multiple side effects to a child, just for the convenience of an adult.

Antihistamines can have a number of side effects from drowsiness and dry mouth to heart irregularity and they should only be given to children under medical supervision.

As wellbeck highlighted allergies can kill. So many people like the OP, my MIL and many posters here just don’t take them seriously.

If the DIL can’t be 100% confident in the OP, what alternative does she have but to keep her son away from her.

No way should you get rid of your pets who give you so much love 24/7/365.
You can go to their house to see your DGS or take him out to the park etc.
Unless you are an animal lover ( & I am!) you cannot understand the amount of love & affection you get from the company of animals.
Luckily my DGC have pets of their own at home so it has never been an issue. It is a shame he has an allergy but he may well grow out of it in time.

Callistemon

^Gentle exposure to the allergen can help allergy sufferers.^

These experiments (and they are still experiments) should only be carried out under the strictest medical conditions by qualified doctors and with all the facilities nearby in case of a severe reaction.

Do not try this at home.

I was diagnosed with allergies to cats, dogs, horses feathers and dust when I was 9. My eyes had puffed up so I was just looking through slits. I went to the ENT department at St Mary's Paddington where I got the diagnosis. It was strange because my parents' had a dog before I was born and we also had a cat. I didn't become asthmatic until I was in my 20s. When I lived in London we had two cats and they weren't a problem However, when we no longer had cats and I visited friends with them I would react soon after we arrived at their homes. Itchy eyes, sneezing and so on. It is possible to wean oneself against an allergy to cats or dogs if you are around them for a long time.

I don't agree with your post yesterday @ 15.38 Peasblossom. If you read the OP's post on 9.10 you'll see she says her d.i.l. always makes an excuse about not being able to meet else where.

She has not said that having her GC to stay over is the bottom line, she's looking for ways to be able have contact that don't include being in her home.

yolus hasn't said she isn't prepared to meet up with her GC elsewhere Mmers, the opposite in fact.

If someone has asthma and reacts to being around animals then it is quite likely that they will react to other products. The air conditioning systems in enclosed buildings and supermarkets are not always as efficient as they should be and the chemicals used are not good for asthmatics. I carry prednisolone with me so that if I start to get very wheezy I put a pill under my tongue and it works very quickly.

I think maybe because our experiences are different we read it differently smileless.

You’ve had a bad experience with a daughter-in-law that cut you out of your grandchildren’s lives so you’re inclined to believe the DIL is using allergy as an excuse.
I’ve had a bad experience with a MIL who wouldn’t take my sons allergy seriously and dismissed it as nonsense. We tried several compromises but it always ended badly because she would “just pick the dog up to put it in the kitchen” or say she had hoovered thoroughly but really just whisked round.

It’s true the OP didn’t say she wouldn’t meet up elsewhere but she has responded to any of those suggestions to say what a good idea. Maybe like me the DIL had had experience with the coat that had been put on the back seat of the car where the dog had been sitting the day before. That was a blue light event in what was meant to be a pleasant picnic in the park.

I wouldn’t want the OP to give up her animals. But it may mean she can’t meet with this grandson. We had to say no in the end, after the ambulance.

hasn’t responded

I don't think it would be ridiculous to assume that the relationship between OP and DIL is broken down and that is so why DIL Doesn't spend her time with OP.

It's one of the only plus sides of adulthood. Controlling who we spend our free time with.

Smileless2012

I don't agree with your post yesterday @ 15.38 Peasblossom. If you read the OP's post on 9.10 you'll see she says her d.i.l. always makes an excuse about not being able to meet else where.

She has not said that having her GC to stay over is the bottom line, she's looking for ways to be able have contact that don't include being in her home.

yolus hasn't said she isn't prepared to meet up with her GC elsewhere Mmers, the opposite in fact.

In the Thread starter OP says…..” not letting them stay over. “