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AIBU

Is it unfair to ask me to get rid of pet

(126 Posts)
yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 14:00:47

Daughter-in-law won’t let me see my grandson unless I get rid of my pets she says grandson allergic so unless I do not letting them stay over. I love my grandkids but I don’t want to get rid of my pets . Am I being unreasonable

Grandmabatty Sat 09-Oct-21 14:03:35

If your grandson is allergic, how do you suggest he could safely be in your home? Do you visit him in his own house?

Baggs Sat 09-Oct-21 14:03:58

I don't think it's unfair of your dil to give such an ultimatum if her son has allergies that are a problem.

I also don't think you're being unreasonable not to want to get rid of your pets.

Perhaps the answer is to see your grandkids somewhere other than at your house and without the pets in tow.

Blossoming Sat 09-Oct-21 14:04:27

Sorry but I think it’s right not to let him stay over if he has an allergy. Can you still see them outside, or visit their home?

JaneJudge Sat 09-Oct-21 14:04:49

can't you visit him instead?

highlanddreams Sat 09-Oct-21 14:06:40

No you are not why should you get rid of your pets, pets are family and they live with you. Why should you be lonely in the rest of your life just so the grandkids can stop over now and again. I understand your grandson is allergic but maybe you could go & visit them instead as a compromise ?

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 09-Oct-21 14:08:41

I wouldn’t get rid of my pet, who is there for me 24/7, 365 days of the year, for anyone. That would be terribly cruel. You can always see your grandson elsewhere. Do you have proof that he is allergic or is she just saying that? If he is it might only be a mild allergy that he will grow out of.

Smileless2012 Sat 09-Oct-21 14:13:37

No you are not being unreasonable. You can see your GS without him being at your home, so why on earth did your d.i.l. say you can't see him?

I wouldn't get rid of mine either GSM.

Galaxy Sat 09-Oct-21 14:18:53

Has she said you cant see your GS or has she said he cant visit ypur home because of his allergy, they are two very different things.

Teacheranne Sat 09-Oct-21 14:20:10

Unfortunately I am so allergic to cats and horses that even when my daughter ( who has both) visits me, I have a reaction so need to take antihistamines! If she is staying here, she has to go straight to the bathroom for a shower and hair wash and put the clothes she wore in a bin bag. Even if she had a shower at home and wore clean clothes, she will acquire enough contamination from sitting in her car to drive here!

She jokes that I must be allergic to her!

I carry antihistamines with me all the time as well as eye drops in case I sit near a person who has cats.

25Avalon Sat 09-Oct-21 14:21:19

Dd turned out to be allergic to horses. Sitting next to someone at school who kept a horse would bring it on. She didn’t even need to go near a horse just near someone who had been. If I stroked a horse in the bag field I had to wash my hands before coming in. This is how bad some allergies can be so I can understand what dil is saying but it is not fair to ask you to give up your pets. Gc coming to house is a no no, but you should be able to see them. Wear clothes that have been nowhere near your pets.

25Avalon Sat 09-Oct-21 14:21:53

Back field

wildswan16 Sat 09-Oct-21 14:51:16

I think your DIL is right to say your grandson cannot visit your home if he has an allergy to your pet. It is up to you whether you keep your pet - and hopefully see your grandchild elsewhere.

It depends on his allergy - if it is bad you will need to be careful not to introduce cat/dog hair etc to him on your clothes.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Oct-21 15:06:44

I agree with others whilst I realise the importance of your pets to you if you grandchild has an allergy of course he can’t come to your house You would have to go to his or meet outside and be very careful around him as you will have pet hairs etc on your clothes too so it all depends how bad his allergy is
One of my grandchildren was allergic to cats but not badly allergic just a lot of sneezing if it’s worse than that you will have to make sure you are very careful around him but obviously if they are pets that you’ve had a long time you won’t want to get rid of them completely

How come this problem has only just arisen are they new pets or a new grandson ?b

yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 15:13:58

She has always seems to have an excuse when I want to go elsewhere. To be honest as the other kids come I think it’s more of an ultimatum, possibly jealousy

BlueBelle Sat 09-Oct-21 15:17:28

Not at all sure I understand your last post yolus are you just thinking out loud ?

March Sat 09-Oct-21 15:19:12

You shouldn't get rid of your pet but you can't expect to have your grandson if he's allergic to your pet.

Can't you see him at his home?

Katie59 Sat 09-Oct-21 15:22:16

It does sound like allergy is an excuse if you can’t meet elsewhere either, DIL problems feature regularly on GN, there is no solution, just do what you can to keep things pleasant, and enjoy the others as well as the pets.

Smileless2012 Sat 09-Oct-21 15:40:28

You should talk to your son about this yolus if you haven't done so. If your d.i.l. is making it difficult for you to see your GC then your son needs to get involved.

yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 15:45:37

Yeah sorry bluebelle mostly was. But if I speak to my son about this I know it will end up with her making him choose between us and I don’t want that

Smileless2012 Sat 09-Oct-21 15:51:58

FGS what is wrong with some people. Why don't they understand that being married means having in law's and two sets of GP's for their children.

yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 16:00:16

I don’t want to start something and i know I keep making excuses for her because I know she didn’t have a good childhood. So I just miss out but it does hurt

Daisend1 Sat 09-Oct-21 16:02:10

This must be very upsetting for you and no choice other than to visit D in her own home minus your pets of course,if she will allow, which seems to me ott but then your family health must come first.Don't get rid of your pets and feel it unreasonable of D to expect .
I did not become allergic to cats until an adult as we had a kitten when I was a child and dearly love one now but not inclined to risk it.

yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 16:08:03

Thank you for all the guidance I will try for now hopefully it gets better

Callistemon Sat 09-Oct-21 16:09:56

25Avalon Dd turned out to be allergic to horses
So is one of mine which she found very upsetting as it came 9n suddenly and she used to ride. She also ended up in hospital when she was house sitting for someone who had cats.

It is serious so you could suggest meeting your DGS elsewhere and make sure you wear all clean clothes and don't touch your animals before you go to meet him.

It's upsetting but it's not worth the risk.