Why do staff not intervene?

I too dislike a visit to a restaurant being disrupted by unruly children and parents who do little to control them. But I can understand young serving staff not wishing to confront the situation and risk abuse or violence, it should really be management who deal with it. We have occasionally asked other diners to keep the noise down or returned a 'wandering' child to them, and (as a woman) I usually get a better response than my DH.

On the other hand we have been on the receiving end of rude comments from other diners when eating out as a whole family - 8 adults and 9 children aged between 2 and 15. We usually go to a large (family friendly) restaurant which has a big outdoor play area with swings & treehouse etc. The kids can let off steam there before we sit down to eat. Our GC do not run around in the restaurant area, they usually help keep the little ones amused and join in the general conversation, though sometimes voices and laughter can get a bit loud amplified by the vast open-plan barn and high ceiling. If I think that's happening I'll ask everyone to calm it a little, it always works as does a 'nanny glare'! But we have had comments such as "Why don't you take your herd to the zoo" and "We came here for a quiet meal not to be surrounded by a load of kids." I'm more than capable of responding to such comments, but I do think some people just don't like to see children in restaurants, or they choose the wrong restaurants to eat in. The only times we eat out are when our AC and GC visit and we won't be put off by a few intolerant people.

Trouble is the parents who let there 'little angels' run around and be noisy do in fact think everyone will love them like they do! Well, we don't like them like you do so rule them in and set an example!

It is NOT difficult to control your children!

Surely if you go to a family friendly pub with a play barn you expect children to be there!

I suppose one way to keep kids sat on their chairs is to hook them up to electronic devices. But I don't like to see that either.

I remember being in a restaurant where one family's children actually came under our table. At this stage the restaurant staff intervened and the parents glowered at us as they attempted to get their repulsive children under control.
My daughter's children are not always well behaved so we have an arrangement with our regular restaurant to sit us at the far end, we'll away from other diners who might be disturbed. We also try to eat early, before they get too busy and need to use the space near our table.
On tge rare occasions when tge two year old kicks off she simply takes him home.

Sorry, typo "well away"

I'm afraid that even a quiet word with the children, to some parents would mean a complaint to management and either a disciplinary or even loss of a job as a result.
Yes it is the parent's responsibility, but is it the staff's responsibility to stand in for the parent?
Why is it that we will sit back and moan when children misbehave in places like hotels and restaurants and not say anything, but expect the staff (and it definitely won't be in their job description) to be the ones to say something ? They have enough to tend to.

If you go to a child friendly restaurant expect to see excited children because eating out for most children is not an every day event,it's a treat therefore it's exciting & fun for them. If you don't want to hear and see them go somewhere else! But if you're the supervising adult of said children please take care of them in the dining areas, waiting staff are carrying hot food, soup, hot drinks etc and should not be worried about tripping over & burning any child that may dart out in their path. The job is poorly paid & hard enough as it is,you're always busy & you have to take flack not from the customers but also from the kitchen, it's not easy by any means. They're not there to look after your children, only to feed them.

Once when mine were little on Mothers day my husband booked us a table at a country pub ,as MIL was staying. As we entered we were told children under 8 were not allowed in the main eating area but did we complain ,no we took them into the consevatory where we were directed. the children behaved well and all was well until we got home and MIL had big grease spots on her sunday best.
Did we get a rollicking for taking her there in the first place.
Maybe as suggested in another post the ones among us who want a quiet civilised meal should avoid the play barn type places but it is a two way thing and perhaps parents who know what their children are like should choose carefully as well.
Children learn from example and training and I leave an open question who needs training first?

jaylucy

I'm afraid that even a quiet word with the children, to some parents would mean a complaint to management and either a disciplinary or even loss of a job as a result.
Yes it is the parent's responsibility, but is it the staff's responsibility to stand in for the parent?
Why is it that we will sit back and moan when children misbehave in places like hotels and restaurants and not say anything, but expect the staff (and it definitely won't be in their job description) to be the ones to say something ? They have enough to tend to.

No but I presume it is in the manager's job description to actually manage the place. Which must surely include ensuring that children are not creating a safety risk to staff or disturbing and annoying other paying customers.

Any manager who sits back and leaves it to other customers to sort out such situations is not doing their job properly.

The same parents might well be very quick to complain if hot food was spilled over them by a member of staff whom they had bumped into.

Some time ago - before the world changed - a group of us met weekly, early evening, in our local for a couple of drinks before going home for dinner. The building is very old with a couple of bars, lots of nooks, crannies, beams and doorways. Two youngish women were at a table in the other bar, their several assorted children (primary age) were rampaging around the building in a circuit that meant they constantly ran past our table, bumping into our backs and yelling loudly. Eventually one of our number was so hacked off that he stuck his leg out and tripped the largest child. Said child landed, undamaged, on hands and knees. The howling was fearful, but the rampaging stopped and they all departed shortly afterwards. The “afternoon” barmaid, a student, came over and said “thank you, I wanted to stop them but I didn't know what to do”. It turned out the mothers had their lunch in the pub, collected kids from school, then came back. I fancy strong drink might have clouded their judgement/parenting skills

Sorry but if l am not happy then l tell the person concerned. I dont expect other people to do it. In general the problem has been sorted occasionally l get a retort but l give as good as l get!
My view is that society has broken down because we turn a blind eye and do not speak out when we see wrong doing and these people go through life unchallenged.

The time is coming when customers learn which restaurants, hotels, and pubs attract congenial people. There will be some venues that cater for naughty kids and their parents, and other different venues that are there for quiet well mannered people.

“Please cut parents a little slack”

When mine were small I used to take things they could play at the table with, coloring pencils and a coloring book, lego or small people.

I used to remove my daughter and have "a word" with her if I thought she was going to start any old nonsense.

I used to work in retail and we basically got no back up from managers and had we spoken to a parent about their children and they then asked for a manager, the manager would apologise that we had spoken to them and probably given them a £20 gift card too! So we did nothing.

I have been in restaurants where young children are running around causing chaos. On occasion this has been around 8 o’clock when the children should be in bed. I feel very sorry for staff but I do think it is the manager’s duty to at least have a quiet word with the parents. As many posters have stated this is a health and safety issue. If accidents occur to other customers or staff as a result of ‘uncontrolled’ children what are the legal implications? It would be interesting to know. If parents can be held responsible then this might be a way forward in enabling restaurants to ask parents to leave if their children are causing problems. Otherwise restaurants should be able to state that they are adult only in the evenings.

Isn’t it true that now unfortunately in too many households, the children rule the roost, and this can take many forms other than running around shouting.

A couple or so years ago we were having tea in a National Trust cafe when a family came in, comprising, parents, two children and grandparents.
They found a table, took off their coats and sat down whereupon the boy, about 6 or 7 said in a firm voice “I want to sit at THAT table”pointing to another one nearby.
The parents told him no, we are already sitting here.
With that he stood up, marched over to the other table and sat down looking at them.

To my horror the parents got up took their little girl, and moved to join the boy.
I saw the poor grandparents glance at each other, sigh and pick up their coats and join the family.

Of course we all know the golden rule as grandparents is to not interfere in disciplining grandchildren when the parents are present, but I remember thinking what great restraint they showed on that day.
I would have been sorely tempted to have marched over to my grandson, grabbed his arm and take him firmly back to where the adults, who are supposed to be in charge, were sitting.

mokryna

“Please cut parents a little slack”

When mine were small I used to take things they could play at the table with, coloring pencils and a coloring book, lego or small people.

Yes and some restaurants would supply pictures to colour in and a little pack of crayons.

It is NOT difficult to control your children!
DS manages it with a look.

GraceQuirrel

I used to work in retail and we basically got no back up from managers and had we spoken to a parent about their children and they then asked for a manager, the manager would apologise that we had spoken to them and probably given them a £20 gift card too! So we did nothing.

This seems to be the basic problem - Managers afraid to confront rude customers and obsequiously apologising to them when a staff member tries to prevent their badly brought up children from causing danger or annoyance to others.

I think social media has a lot to answer for. This type of parent has no scruples about rushing to slate a restaurant by giving a totally edited and one sided version of what occurred. Then other people, who weren't even there, come piling on to slag off the restaurant and express their shock and horror.

“houses with no room for a table”.
A family dining table should be one of the first things on the furnishing list no matter the size of the house, fold up if need be.
Good manners can be instilled as well as conversation. Exchanging the day’s experiences, worries etc every day around this (to me) important table. Not slumped in front of a TV.
The TV supper/couch generations now have no idea how to behave in a more formal setting and it’s interesting to read again the oft quoted comment on the table manners of French children.
It can be done! Adults come first, then the children. Not the other way round.

When I was in the supermarket a while ago. This boy of about four years old was going round punching people in the back. It was not a light punch, he pulled his arm back and gave it full force. I was the recipient of one of these punches and I could still feel the result of it when I got home. I watched him as he went over to a very frail old lady, luckily she turn away just as he swung his arm. His mother was nearby at the check out, I looked over at her. Her response 'was. 'At the end of the day he is only a child.' I hate to think what he will be like when he grows up.

What a little darling.