Why do staff not intervene?

When we were kids we we not allowed to leave the table never mind running around upsetting other diners. It drives me bonkers if I'm trying to eat and have a conversation and some kid is charging around the place, yelling their head off. I'm sure the waiting staff are on their nerves worrying about them crashing into them with a tray of food. They get paid such low wages I'm sure they don't want to be bouncers too.

Bottom line is that staff are afraid that they will be sacked and the establishment/company sued by the parents or worse the police called by the parents and the member of staff charged with a crime against the child and/or parents. We live in a world of victim culture and cancel culture.

I was in a restaurant on one occasion where there was a child whose parents clearly had no control or felt it no big deal in allowing him to leave the table and run around where other diners were enjoying or attempting to enjoy a meal.
Clearly one diner having had enough at one stage stood up as the child was approaching that persons table whereby the child unfortunately could not stop and ran into the diner resulting in a mass of tears from the child.
Apologies from child's parents but it was themselves left with egg on their faces as they quickly paid their bill and left the restaurant.Peace reigned.

Some children may have Autism spectrum disorders, these are not immediately apparent of course and will cause behavioural issues! I hate people getting irritated with very young children certainly the under 5’s! I really dont mind children making a noise and playing when i eat out, obviously safety has to be an issue but I know how hard I find it to keep my 4 and 2 year old grandsons in check! 4 year old is being assessed for autism now and 2 year old is 2!

coastalgran

Bottom line is that staff are afraid that they will be sacked and the establishment/company sued by the parents or worse the police called by the parents and the member of staff charged with a crime against the child and/or parents. We live in a world of victim culture and cancel culture.

But surely they are more likely to be sued if a marauding toddler causes an accident to another customer or member of staff? I'm not sure how a parent could sue them for requesting that a child return to their table, or cease creating an unreasonable racket.

I think the manager should have stepped in.
I was once on a train to Manchester after an exhausting day and was looking forward to a little sleep. Not to be. There was a party of young Scandinavian lads who payed their music very loud, drank a lot, and got as loud as their music and cleared the carriage, In the end, after asking them to tone it down, I moved too. It was a Virgin train and I had treated myself to first class. I asked the young stewardess what could be done but she shrugged her shoulders. Once I had moved she kept telling me how dreadful their behaviour had become. I felt sorry for her. One of the lads poked his head into my carriage and shouted at me. It could have escalated, I suppose. At Manchester one of them came up to me and said that he hated the British. Time he went home then but I didn't have the courage to say anything.

Some children may have Autism spectrum disorders, these are not immediately apparent of course and will cause behavioural issues! I hate people getting irritated with very young children certainly the under 5’s! I really dont mind children making a noise and playing when i eat out, obviously safety has to be an issue but I know how hard I find it to keep my 4 and 2 year old grandsons in check! 4 year old is being assessed for autism now and 2 year old is 2!

The majority of children do not have autism. If children cannot, or haven’t been taught how, to sit at a table and not run around st meal times, then parents shouldn’t take them into a restaurant until they can, People pay a lot to dine out and expect a calm environment.
Sadly too often some parents don’t even have their children eating at a table at home and they have no idea to behave.

We cannot always know if someone's child is autistic so assumptions about poor parenting are very unfair! My daughters were fine eating out which we did a lot but my smallest grandsons struggle with noise and bustle so family meals out are very rare!

Lots of families dont have space for dining tables!

The problem is that the parents get angry if you admonish their little darlings. I used to work in a bank and was amazed how many parents let their kids run riot, climb up on things etc. On the odd occasion I intervened - usually to prevent a nasty accident - the parents took it badly. That’s why staff don’t do anything!

Think the time is near when restaurants,pubs and places for social gatherings should have signs instructing that children are expected to remain seated at tables. If they can't they shouldn't be in the venue in the first place. I've been in many European, Asian eating places, hotels and noticed how well behaved the children have been. Even on camp sites in Europe the children seem to be expected to be seated with adults by 7 pm chatting and taking part with the family, none of the letting then run about till all hours creating havoc. Can always tell the British families, loud we into the evening.

sodapop

I agree Beswitched it is noticeable that this happens as a matter of course here in France. Children sit at the table with their parents and eat their meal without a lot of messing about.

It depends how often and where the children are used to eating whilst little, we used to take our everywhere with us and I always impressed on them that they must NOT annoy people and that any little games they were playing, (that made them laugh loudly etc) were not for outdoors only at home/grandma's etc. They understood fine and I used to regularly have compliments on how ell behaved they were! And no they weren't little robots, just well mannered. Kids follow whatever parents allow.ive also walked out of places mid meal, without payy, when behaviour was Intolerable and nobody was willing to stop it! Once place said it would call police as I'd not paid , I said not to bother We WERE the police!

I also hate young children being allowed to ruin a restaurant experience for me. I have asked children in the past to go and fight/play/ roll around on the floor by their parents table and not mine. This has worked.
On the subject of autistic children they are capable of behaving and can sit nicely in a restaurant. I have worked with autistic youngsters for years and would always expect them to behave when they are eating out. I think is in unfair to assume that an autistic child will be running around and causing mayhem.
The staff in cafes and restaurants are usually young and can’t be expected to deal with these sort of problems.

I suppose the staff could have inferred there was danger without being confrontational. Like, 'we bring hot drinks out this way' sort of thing?

On a long haul flight, two sets of friends with their children booked in different parts of the plane. During the night they swapped, adults together, grouping the children together in the middle isle. It was murder, the stewards did nothing. My sleep, as was everyone’s else, was ruined until after a few hours I got up and complained to the staff. Shame I didn’t do it earlier, the parents were told to take their original seats because it wasn’t safe, after, peace reigned.

StoneofDestiny

*Some children may have Autism spectrum disorders, these are not immediately apparent of course and will cause behavioural issues! I hate people getting irritated with very young children certainly the under 5’s! I really dont mind children making a noise and playing when i eat out, obviously safety has to be an issue but I know how hard I find it to keep my 4 and 2 year old grandsons in check! 4 year old is being assessed for autism now and 2 year old is 2!*

The majority of children do not have autism. If children cannot, or haven’t been taught how, to sit at a table and not run around st meal times, then parents shouldn’t take them into a restaurant until they can, People pay a lot to dine out and expect a calm environment.
Sadly too often some parents don’t even have their children eating at a table at home and they have no idea to behave.

I couldn't agree more. Why should we go home after an expensive meal covered in sticky finger marks and meals spoiled by unsupervised children running around bumping into staff carry hot food, or even as I have reaching up to take something off my plate.
My GC all know how to behave and one when only 5 did not make a fuss when their meal was not brought to the table, they shared until we pointed out to the staff and then that was shared and rewarded by the restaurant with a free pudding each with icecream for such good manners. My Dh's took crayons and colouring books or similar that could occupy them and keep them on their seats.
I have been out with others though who let their children roam around touching and bothering people. I sat with a bright red face and kept waiting for one of the parent's step in which they didn't. As we were leaving I did point out to the manager who we know that they were not my grandchildren he said there was nothing really they could do.I know their parents heard me but still said nothing.
Having worked in a school for children with special needs they are taught social skills one being able to use a knife and fork and the other to sit through a meal.

I tend to think with respect to those with austism or other disabilities, you choose somewhere accessible and I am fully aware as a parent what is and isn't accessible. I realise it can be argued that because disability discrimination, everywhere should be accessible but quite frankly it isn't. I wouldn't want to have a meal somewhere where I was made to feel uncomfortable so would go elsewhere. I suppose the same is true with young children. I realise people may feel differently to me.

I was in my local supermarket one day when two boys aged about ten or eleven were having a game of chase round the isles. The parent was paying no attention to them. As one boy raced past me for at least the third time, I stopped him and told him this is a shop and not a playground and they were being a possible danger to people especially the elderly. He crept away sheepishly to his friend, telling him what I had said. Seeing them minutes later they were both behaving impeccably, although giving me glares at the same time. I just smiled and nodded at them, as if to say that's better.

I've worked in many bars and restaurants over the years and also have 4 children.
I have always made sure my children behave when we are out for a meal etc but also given them plenty of attention and made them part of the occasion.
Sadly, many parents nowadays ignore their children and give them gadgets or expect the staff to parent for them. I say this as a mother of small children as well as a grandmother to a baby!
In my job, I always intervened when unruly children were being ignored. The polite and respectful customers were the ones I was concerned about upsetting, not the lazy parents allowing their children to upset everyone!
I also asked the children to say please when the parents allowed them to bark their orders at me with no manners.
I had to ask one mother to pick her crawling baby up off the floor as we were carrying trays of scalding hot drinks and there could possibly be tiny shards of broken glass the cleaner had missed.
I had to tell another woman that no, her children could not skate up and down inside the busy restaurant!

Going back to your original question, I think there are so many youngsters working in these establishments, they feel intimidated by the thought of confronting parents.
Management should be dealing with the issues though if the staff aren't trained to so don't be afraid to ask them.

My daughter is a single parent and took her children to a hotel last weekend. The youngest is four and he ran away from the table at dinner and again at breakfast . My daughter became so stressed when another guest muttered "for Christ sake",. It can be so difficult to control children. Please cut parents a little slack.

In fairness, things usually have to get pretty bad before another customer becomes vocal. When you say he ran away from the table do you mean he kept tearing around the place making a racket? Because I think that would annoy most people.
If he simply ran off once and was immediately brought back to the table, then the other customer was just being grumpy.

Most of us are parents inishowen of course there were odd times when things got out of control but in the main when our children were young they were expected to behave appropriately. I do agree with the poster who said that now parents don't engage with their children at the table but concentrate on gadgets etc.

Tuppance

Difficult situation, but staff don't interfere because they are afraid of consequences. Years ago I worked in a department store, I was walking across shop floor and a young child (about 2 or 3) ran out of lift, the very large mother was finding it difficult to control child. I ran after child and grabbed him just before he ran out of automatic doors. The mother, by this time quite a distance away, screamed at me to not touch her child! I explained he was running out of door into traffic, well he has to learn she replied!

I wonder whether you'd have been blamed by the irresponsible mother, if he'd actually escaped and been injured by traffic, for not stopping him.
Unbelievable!

The more I see of the way the world is going, the more I understand why staff are reluctant to intervene in these situations, and why some company policy is actively not to intervene. Given that any attempt by individual staff members would likely be met with accusations of a myriad of ‘isms’ the first consideration for any staff member should be ‘is it worth my job’ ? Absolutely not. Let other customers vote with their feet by leaving/not patronising the establishment in the future/leaving reviews on appropriate websites.

* It can be so difficult to control children. Please cut parents a little slack.*

What an entitled attitude. Why should other paying customers have their experience ruined by uncontrollable children ?