Speak to the parents

I live in an estate 120 houses, started 13years ago, finished 3 years later. There were very few children initially. The original ones have grown, some nearly in 20s now. But, oh my, the vandalism to planted areas,(we all have to pay maintenace charge) the footballs against fences and climbing garden fences to retrieve balls has driven one resident to need treatment for depression and anxiety. The couple cannot sit in garden, even open windows due to level of noise from ball being thumped and shouting. There are conditions s on all properties that no ball games are allowed on the grassed areas but parents who don't live next to the grassed area just ignore pleas. A car parking area is adjacent and of course footballs hit vehivles No way can anyone say anything to any of the children. Adults are at the doors within minutes. Only two nights ago one resident was complaining on local FB page that kids were throwing stones at her cat and dog in her gardens and also at her kitchen window. This is a fairly affluent, no visible deprivation, 3 police officers reside. Kids on electric scooters racing about, no one says a thing. We border a lovely woodland park, two public parks with football grounds etc but parents don't allow kids to use them. Should I have any issues it will be the police I contact. If the authorities don't know what's going on they can do anything about it.

I was doing some vol work in a charity shop which sells lots of toys. A mum came in with 2 girls about 5 and 6 and a wobbly toddler. The girls ran round the shop inc going backwards. We spoke to them nicely about not running for safety reasons. Toddler was lurching around on his own. Mother was looking at other things. I asked them again a bit more firmly to be more careful and Mum who hadn't spoken to them at all, dragged them all out. Outside she berated them that she couldn't take them anywhere etc and yet not once had she tried to calm them down inside. I really feel that some parents are to frightened to say no to their children. They are building a rod for their own backs.

Thankfully, our terrorising, vile little oiks were removed from our area a few years ago as part of a regeneration project, unfortunately not as a result of the hundreds of instances of criminal damage, killing of pets, physical threats, disgusting language, etc.

We were subjected to all of the above for about 4 years by a group of 6 'tweens'. We reported to the police, council, social services, kept records, photos, even video evidence but nothing was ever done.

There's absolutely no excuse for anyone of any age to behave like this. I was raised knowing the difference between right and wrong, I knew not to backchat my elders -- and betters-- and raised my own children to be the same.

It's political correctness gone crazy, you get accused of 'intimidating children' if you say anything to them, you can't defend yourself if a child attempts to attack you just in case you touch their jacket because you'llbe accused of assault.

I don't hold with the corporal punishment we were subjected to back in the 70/80s but surely there has to be something in between these two extremes, as it is the kids know they have the upper hand and can do exactly as they please and can get away with it, with no chance of repercussions from parents, authorities, etc.

I agree, it’s poor parenting from the off,no hope really as it goes on and on….. however, I was in Macdonalds yesterday and trying to order on touchscreen, tried twice but queue behind was getting longer, and I felt an old fool so said “ oh blow it I won’t bother” went to walk away, but a bunch of 15/16 year olds behind me said “no comeback I’ll help” and did it in 20 seconds! They could’ve let me walk away,get served quicker etc, but they were lovely and thoughtful, made my day. When they collected their food they sat down, and yes, were a bit rowdy, laughing and squealing , had a pretend wrestle. People would have been tut- tutting, but I knew they were good young people burning energy, showing off, being carefree.(but I still don’t want them playing football in my garden!!)

Brilliant idea, tictacnana!

We used to have a lot of trouble with kids playing football in our central garage block, and using the entrances (one is right opposite our house) as goals, so the ball was endlessly being kicked into our front garden, frequently right up to the sitting room window. It was very intrusive,
Added to that, the noise from the constant kicking against metal garage walls would drive us mad.

These were not any sort of typical Brit-brat kids with parents to match. We live not far from the German speaking school - they were all German or Austrian and at the time several of the houses were rented to such families - the parents were all professionals of some sort.

We have a huge park close by, so given that the boys were of an age to go unaccompanied, they could easily have gone there, but preferred to play in the garage block.

Having a word with any of the parents achieved nothing. They honestly did not give a monkey’s.

Only when the boys started bringing kids who didn’t even live here, in order to make up bigger teams - did it (mostly) stop, and then only after a strongly worded complaint to the head of their school.
Thank goodness we haven’t had that problem for some years now - more of the houses are owner-occupied.

Theres no hope is there? Little bratts !

I had trouble with children from the local high school at my previous house. They used to sit and stand on my garden wall and yell abuse at passers by. My requests for this to cease were ignored with a good deal of bad language and sniggering. My mum said that I should slather the top of the wall with Vaseline. It doesn’t come off clothes in the wash and gets trailed into the house on shoes. They soon moved on.

Hithere

I wont automatically blame the parents for not caring and not wanting to correct this behaviour

I am aware of kids behaving terribly, especially if they get in packs of their same age and I know the parents try to teach them good manners and be considerate to people.

Tweens is also a hard age.

Here in the US, communities have an office where you can go and bring things like this up.

If they bother you, I bet they also bother other neighbours- strength in numbers

I agree it's not always the parents' fault and sometimes just a few bad apples leading other children astray.

But in my experience the kids who answer back or completely ignore neighbours asking them to keep the noise down, or go and play somewhere else, tend to have the kind of parents who think their kids can do no wrong.

The better brought up ones will apologise or look embarrassed when a neighbour tells them off. I think they know that if their bad behaviour is brought to the attention of their parents there will be trouble.

I've been yelled at by parents. I'm still going to stand up for my safety and the immediate safety of others, including the children. I had one parent hunt me down in a grocery store and attempt to punch me. Clearly, those little apples didn't fall far from their tree. My general comeback when they say I can't say anything to their children is, "Then parent them! If you won't, I will!"

I wont automatically blame the parents for not caring and not wanting to correct this behaviour

I am aware of kids behaving terribly, especially if they get in packs of their same age and I know the parents try to teach them good manners and be considerate to people.

Tweens is also a hard age.

Here in the US, communities have an office where you can go and bring things like this up.

If they bother you, I bet they also bother other neighbours- strength in numbers

If you can afford it (about £80), and you have WiFi, get a RING doorbell camera, or similar. It is activated by motion and will record anything in your immediate vicinity. You will have video and audio recordings to show police/parents etc. The recording is available on your device (smart phone/tablet/laptop) for 30 days, or you can store it permanently. Alternatively, use your smart phone to video. I realise this is no good to anyone who doesn't have the technology, but it is a great help if you have.

If 10 or 11 year olds were out near me at 11pm, causing noise and upset and I knew the parents couldn’t be bothered, then I’m afraid I would be calling social services.
It’s not safe for children of that age to be out and if the parents are too stupid/lazy/ignorant to do something about it, then perhaps a visit from a social worker would give them the rocket that they needed

I’m just SO thankful I’m a great grandma not a parent these days.
Also, that I live in a very quiet area with no children, teenagers or a busy road and the only dog within hearing distance is too lazy to bark except if she sees strangers. So. I always know when the ever changing postman is coming.

Get your community support officers on board. They will address the issues with the parents.

Reminds me of the time my daughter and I were at the theatre. A school group were very badly behaved, climbing over the seats, and shouting to each other. My daughter asked in a friendly way what school they were from. They told her. The next day she rang the school and told the head teacher how they'd behaved. He was horrified and said he would deal with them. They were pretty stupid to tell us the name of their school.

Horrible and they will get worse, parents would only give you a mouthful that’s if there even in, more than likely up the pub
Don’t go out there at all, Just Phone the police right away .

Sound horrendous
Makes me so pleased I live where I am..

Anything and everything goes nowadays and no one can make any comments ???

This is the problem these days. No one seems to have any respect for other people or their property. And they are bringing up their children with the same attitude ?!

well I am fortunate, I live in a quiet place... suburbs

but when I go a walk, a popular walking etc. place, and I find the youngsters are extremely polite, skateboarding etc.. most smile at me, with say thankyou if I step aside, which I do cos I walk slower than most of them,, or just want to enjoy human company!

the ones I find the rudest, uncaring are the older people, 20`s 30 year olds? cycling.. cyclists, mostly are really uncaring and come at you,, expecting other people to move..

I find young teenagers very polite!

If you told some of the children on our road to go home they'd just rudely tell you it's a public road and they can do what they like. If they didn't tell you, their parents would come out and do it for them.

I’ve always been of the opinion, that if you have to tell a parent their child is behaving badly, they probably don’t care, they’re not good parents.

The young children screaming outside your house just confirms this. I would have called the police in this instance.

During the day...I would just tell them off. Tell them to go home.

These parents know their children are like this. They’ve been made that way by their parenting.

So sad.

Thanks for the advice and replies.

Yes things do seem to have changed in recent times. Some parents seem to be determined to always wrongfoot anyone complaining about their children. If you approach the child it's "how dare you tell my child off. That's my job". If you approach the parents it's "my Ellie May would never do anything like that and she's very upset you're accusing her..."
You are always in the wrong and their badly behaved child is always in the right"

Parents like that make neighbourly relations very difficult.

About 50 years ago we had a problen with teenagers playing football to all hours at the end of the close and all over our front garden. I did ask them politely severl times to please keep off the front gardens. Obviously they took no notice of me.

Then one day one shouted at me' If you do not want me laying on your garden tell my Dad' Now dad was a big beefy man, but on the spur of the moment I said OK and walked up the road to his home rang the bell and when the dad came to the door I said his son had asked me to speak to him about him playing football on the front garden.

Dad was as taken aback as son. I was invited in, Mum was there, we sat down and I explained the problem, then they told me of the problems of having four teenage boys in a small house with no where to play (there was a big playing field about 300 yards away, but I didn't mention that)

We had coffee and as I sympathised with their problems but I kept coming back to the problems of other residents and at the end of about half an hour we had somehow reached a compromise. If a ball was kicked into a garden the boys would carefully take the ball out of the garden and not kick it until it was on the road again.

And that is what the boys did for the rest of our time in the road - because their Dad told them that was they were to do.

Whether that would work in current conditions, I do not know. Feral children, and to be fair these were not feral children, are too common these days.

I'd ring the police and ask to speak to the community support team. Tell them what is happening as reasonably and quietly as you can. It would help if beforehand you made a list of times and incidents. Ask them not to call at your house but offer to meet them somewhere else. They will probably ask you to monitor further incidents. Once it is reported you should see the team patrolling the area
(Sorry just realised this is for a friend- substitute "she" for "you"

Unless you know the parents well enough to have a friendly word, then I would steer clear of seeking them out. This can easily get out of hand for lots of reasons already mentioned here.
We have a good local PCSO team that handle this kind of anti social behaviour, visit schools, turn up in parks and other places where kids gather.
Of course, if there is imminent danger from criminal damage, then the police should be called.
Don't assume parents are going to be reasonable and polite, those days are gone mostly.