Grandchild lives in squalor

Do you know if the boy's mum thinks everything is fine, or does she realise things are getting out of hand?
Could you say that you want to make up for the help that your son should be giving with housework?

Are his clothes dirty or is it more that they are not being dried correctly , which can sometimes make them smell fousty . Offer to her washing/ ironing as a start, say you know how awkward it can be drying clothes properly this time of year especially if she trying to dry them over the weekend, then it this is ok you could try offering a quick tidy up before Xmas as a suggestion , ( I know it needs more than that but it's a start) good luck.

The danger to offer help with clean up is that it may get misinterpreted on the mum's side.

As for the risk of being bullied, if it has to happen, it will happen anyway
You can get bullied for your hair colour, name or last name, how you walk, etc.

You know your relationship with the mother.
If you feel she is receptive to a chat how more you can help, go ahead
If you feel this chat may alienate her, I would thread extremely carefully and evaluate if the cost is worth the price.

Do you feel his home is a danger to his health?

Sounds like you have a great relationship with your grandson's mother Nippysweety such a shame your son is missing all this. I agree with curlywhirly could you offer to clean once or twice a week as she is so busy working and looking after her son. I realise you don't want to jeopardise the relationship you have but I agree something does need to be done. Good luck

I'm nor surprised you're not sure how to handle this, it's a very delicate situation isn't it Nippysweety.

If you're going to broach this matter I suggest you begin by telling her what you've told us. What a great job she's doing, what a wonderful mum, how proud you are of how she copes and grateful that your GS has her for a mum.

You say you and your H help as much as you can, does this include helping out with any house hold chores? If yes, you could ask her if she'd like you to give a bit more time to help with house work and if house hold chores aren't a part of the help you currently give, you could ask if she's like some help in that area.

You're clearly a loving and supportive m.i.l.. Lots of praise for what is good and a gentle hint at the state of the house is probably the best approach.

Good luck.

Single working mum, I expect at some point she has prioritised her child's needs and the housework has become overwhelming and impossible. If she is unhappy about it, that will make it worse.

Practical help is the way forward. Perhaps help her get one room nice and when she is managing to keep it up, start another.

If you can afford to, maybe a cleaner?

Difficult one I think I d turn a blind eye to the dreadful house as kids can be brought up in all sorts and do well but if the child himself is smelly that’s not good because he ll be a target for teasing
I think * curleys* idea of offering help may be the way forward and perhaps talk to the lad about hygiene can you get round it with a CoviD talk and washing hands Could you offer him a shower or how about buying him some young men’s soaps and other toiletries etc for Christmas you can get them with superman and other hero’s on Just an idea

Oh this is really difficult. It all depends on the relationship you have with your grandson's mother. My son is single and has his own house; when he moved in I asked him if he wanted me to go round and clean it once a week (I am retired and sadly quite enjoy housework ?). He was thrilled (and very, very grateful!) Could you say that you know she can't have much free time (especially if your son doesn't help out) and you'd be more than happy to help out more - making suggestions such as doing the garden, ironing, and tag cleaning on the end. It's a very delicate situation, only you can know whether it's the kind of thing you could say to the Mum. In the meantime, could you maybe spruce up his clothes when he visits? (But only if you think that his Mum is so busy, that she wouldn't even notice). A real dilemma indeed.