How do I move my son out of my house?

If he has been officially diagnosed with MH problems then he will be able to claim benefits for his rent and utilities, I’m not sure though if he would qualify for rent unless you charge him, he would have to explore the possibility.
Sadly due to his age he will have to be the one to make all of the phone calls, but he could ask them to speak to you instead.

There is also a possibility that you would qualify as his carer if he is classed as disabled, which would be a financial help.
I can’t see how he would cope with living alone.
Problem is that getting all of this in motion requires a GP appointment initially and then contact with MH people, which takes perseverance and tenacity.

Wow, why didn't we all have mums like you when we were 33?
He doesn't have a care in the world, so why would he want to move out?
Take him for a walk, make sure it's where there are estate agencies and point out all the lovely places he could be living ON HIS OWN, like big boys do, and maybe get him registered with some!!!
Stop paying for all of his needs (wants) and tell him he owes you rent instead, and he has to pay for his own food. In fact, split all bills right down the middle and he pays half!!
He is not a little child anymore, you do not receive any benefits for him but are giving him plenty!!
Do you know that he is telling the truth about why he didn't finish his course? Or that he does have important stuff in storage?
MH aside, he is definitely living the cushty life having mummy pay for everything!!!
Does he even help around the house & garden?

Why is he not getting benefits? Would you be wanting to move him out if he was able to contribute financially through receiving benefits? It sounds like this could be a disability for him.

Starting off by just giving him a short deadline and finding out about eviction laws will mean guaranteed problems for him and for your relationship I suspect!! ?

Have an adult conversation together. Explain how you feel. Ask him about his plans and how he plans to to achieve them. Explain that you can't afford to pay for his lifestyle, his living expenses, his storage etc. Make a clear plan with him with clear actions and stepping stones and not too long a timescale (probably linked to completing his PHD with reasonable cut off date.) Be clear when paying his expenses (possibly staggered) will stop and plan with him how he is going to pay for them himself. Help him to get advice on benefits/grants/finding a job. I know he is 33 but he clearly needs help to get himself out of this comfort blanket life, especially as he has autistic tendencies and ADHD.

Once the plan is agreed agree to discuss progress regularly so he can't just drift and prevaricate. He needs to plan beyond just moving out. eg. What gdoes he plan to do when he returns to US. For what purpose?

Good luck

are you in the uk.
why are you supporting him financially.
he should be able to get some kind of benefits ?
or has he not paid in enough ?
i think you will need support with this.
could you contact local advice agencies, CAB, Age UK, Mind, Shelter.
he may be resistant to moving out.
he has it easy there. don't expect him to see it from your point of view, or to care about that.
you need to look out for yourself.
good luck.

You tell him he has a month to move out and mean it

As he has been living with you for a long time, check the law and he evictions work.

Stop paying for his expenses and tell him so.

Perhaps do things very, very slowly, so he has time to get used to the idea (and you have little goals along the way to look forward to)

Good luck with your big pants.

Thx for the messages and ideas. I will get my big pants out of the cupboard over the weekend and get talking to him. I need to be strong without being confrontational.

I think maybe this is more than ADHD - he sounds as though he’s hiding from any responsibility. I would sit him down and have an honest conversation with him about his intentions. Explain how you feel and impress on him that he can’t just run away from life. He needs to be honest - as his mum you obviously want to be supportive but unless you know the full facts it’s difficult.

Aside from the strain on you, I don't think his current way of life is preparing him to go out into the world, so you would be doing him a favour to both start looking at how he can move on from yours and take some responsibility.

You need to have the “conversation!”
You need to tell him how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting you. If you’ve already had a talk with him, try again and agree a realistic deadline with him & stick to it.
He may have MH needs but he needs to grow up. He can obviously function in the real world so don’t make it your worry about having no friends. Switch off to that.
It’s a tricky situation but sometimes it’s tough love being a parent. Put your big girls’ pants on, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Talk to him PJN1952 explain how you feel and that it's time for him to move on.
Are you supported by any mental health professionals as they may be able with the transition.
Don't rush him, give him time to get used to the changes. Find out what help he can get with housing & benefits and work out a plan together. It won't be easy and will take time but it's a longer term goal to get your son settled in his own place. Good luck.

I think you need to be honest with him. The situation is not sustainable. You can’t afford to continue to financially support him.

Frankly, at five years of free living, and 33 years old, still not finished his schooling (plus however many years in w
the US) I’d be side eyeing his intention to finish at all. Absolutely no reason he couldn’t get a job with a Masters, imo

You could tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t know that you want him to leave then why would he.