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Struggling a bit

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gentleshores Mon 11-May-26 20:45:40

Just having a whinge. I know I should be grateful to have a partner to help me but the lack of hygiene and cleaning is getting to me. He cooks the meals, he fetches and carries, he pushes me in a wheelchair to the car (after that I can use a mobility scooter). But the washing (or lack of it) is getting to me. I do have a powerchair in the house, but am still limited as to what I can do and can't get to the room with the washing machine in. So I ask him to put washing in. Ask him to do it on a certain temperature and then put it in the tumble drier. It never comes back! He forgets about it. Then it comes back damp and I find he left it in the tumble drier with the door closed so it all gets damp again. I feel like I am nagging every time and he gets grumpy at my "instructions" and says he knows how to do washing. I say but it needs to be cupboard dry. I had my duvet cover washed months ago and it came back damp so I asked him to put it on the clothes airer for a few days. A week went past and no duvet cover. I asked about it and he couldn't remember where it had been put. So I've had a duvet with no cover on (as the previous one isn't dry yet either). I struggle in the bathroom as we don't have a walk in shower. We were supposed to be putting the house on the market in Spring and moving as I just need things a bit easier, but he got cold feet so nothing happened. I also have an upper limb problem so still can't get much done even from the wheelchair so cleaning isn't getting done very much either. It's really getting me down. I can't keep on top of my own hygiene like this. I did try getting a home help in a year ago but after trying two people it didn't work very well and partner didn't like it and said he could do it. But he doesn't get what needs doing and forgets about things. So I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. I have an eye infection at the moment which doesn't help. Had a weeks worth of antibiotic ointment from the Dr, it seemed to get better and has got worse again. Went to the opticians this time and got a bit fobbed off with just eye washing and drops for dry eyes, which to me is just treating the symptoms.

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sixandahalf Mon 11-May-26 20:50:29

If you have any funds, find a nice ,recommended cleaner ASAP

Eye problems are now being triaged and fobbed off. Insist on a doctor.

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valdali Mon 11-May-26 21:09:07

It's so frustrating for you, & I'm sure it would help if you could get a house designed or adaptable for someone who uses a wheelchair - a little bit more independence with washing & personal hygiene would help you no end, I think. Can you persuade him to get on with a possible move?
And have social services / occupational health looked at how to optimise the personal hygiene set-up where you are? There may be adaptations you haven't though of.
Ask him if, rather than you "nagging" him, you could share an ipad & put reminders / alarms for taking the washing out etc. But he mayn't like that.
Sorry you're struggling, & well done for appreciating that your partner's doing a lot although not how you would've done it yourself.

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kittylester Mon 11-May-26 21:13:47

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

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fancyflowers Mon 11-May-26 21:26:45

Definitely, if you can afford it, send things to the laundry. Even if you only send bedding and towels it will help. Ask if the laundry will do pick ups and drop offs.

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

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Silvergirl Mon 11-May-26 21:43:45

I would find this incredibly frustrating too. I agree if at all possible bringing in a cleaner or the like may help.

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welbeck Mon 11-May-26 21:44:01

Your needs should trump his wishes or whims.
What is the legal situation with the house? Who owns it?
You need somewhere that meets your needs.
Likewise re careworker and or cleaner.
Can you discuss the whole situation with your GP.
I suggest you post on MN.
They will be a lot more forthright and give you encouraging support.
All the best.

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gentleshores Mon 11-May-26 21:47:36

Yes I will need to set reminders on phones. The difficulty is he is not used to the laundry routine and doesn't realise how time consuming it can be. I did all our washing for the last 17 years. So he puts it in the machine and turns it on but doesn't have joined up thinking after that. I think he finds it boring and wanders off to do something else and then it never gets finished. I'm not sure we can afford a home help now. We just have our state pensions, and while I do get PIP money that is being used for mobility aids. And yes I should ask for more help with personal care - I haven't asked and he hasn't offered. Just to make it slightly more difficult, his own personal hygiene has gone down the tubes, so I think he thinks it's normal not to have much! I'm lucky if I can persuade him to have a bath once every 3 months! He's got into bad habits. I really do need to live somewhere else. We keep having water problems here as well (spring water supply - it's rural) and I just need something easier and no water issues. But he is very attached to the old crumbling place.

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