Looking after grandchildren whilst ill

So much wrong here. No-one is listening to you. When you say no, or have concerns, everyone shouts you down. If you say no or raise concerns, the children's parents ignore that in favour of your husband who says what they want to hear. They have totally disregarded your feelings and wants here. I'd be mad at my husband and let him deal with the sick kids while I went to recover. He made a choice for me in spite of what I wanted, he can have the consequences.

When the kids' parents get there leave them to it. You go rest in your room. If you want to do this kind of care in future, set conditions first. If they are sick, you won't take them, for example. If your husband allows you to have a say, of course.

I actually cannot believe what a selfish couple they are !!

that could actually have been quite a dangerous situation; lucky it was only a mess left in the kitchen.
if it was me, i would say little. go to bed immediately, take up some water, medication, whatever might be needed, radio.
and hunker down.
do not leave sheets anywhere. let the three adults who thought this was a good idea sort everything out.
stay there until they have gone.
simply decline to have the children overnight again if asked.

Blueant, I'm horrified - it's just selfish, irresponsible behaviour all round. Most parents wouldn't leave a poorly child in the first place and would have rushed back to collect them when you were ill.

Your husband didn't seem to appreciate the problems of looking after small children when ill.

As others have said, I'd take to my bed and leave them all to get on with it. You deserve a nice rest. I'd avoid any future babysitting too.

I think your husband was to blame here. Yes your adult children were selfish in the extreme and I dont think you should have looked after then for 5 nights anyway.
What staggered me was even after you were ill as well, your husband still encouraged them not to come back.
Go to bed and let him deal with the children and the parents when they come back. Please say to the parents you will not be doing this again.

I think this is awful

I hope you feel better soon but you need to make sure this doesn't happen again. They sound incredibly selfish (sorry I know they are your family, I'm sure they have their good points but gosh)

How awful for you!

I think there are a few aspects that you need to consider in thinking about how to deal with this situation going forward:

*Your husband has been very very unwise which you already know. I understand why you kept going because of the little ones, but he really does need to understand the consequences of his very unwise decisions! "Leave him to it if anything similar ever arises again and tell him that that is what you will do" seems wise to impact on him, but of course when little children are concerned that is easier said than done, if they are distressed and he is having to try and help them.

*I am a bit gobsmacked at the parents being apparently happy to just leave their very little children, obviously ill and needing their mummy and daddy. In those circumstances I think many parents would have been dashing back asap. (To be honest I am a bit gobsmacked at them being happy leaving such young children for 5 nights, even with grandparents that they know. I think many would not even consider doing that!)

* I am also a bit gobsmacked at them leaving their parents to struggle through with two little distressed children when their parents are clearly ill as well

*I do not think you can just leave this, otherwise I think other situations will arise with you being totally taken for granted and being treated very inconsiderately. I think that you need to be very clear:

*just how bad it has been
*just how distressed your little grandchildren have been
*just how ill you have been
* whether you will EVER be willing to have the children for so long again (if not, state clearly how many nights you would consider)

And don't prepare for them. Leave sheets etc for them to make up beds. leave a pile of washing for them to stick in the washing machine etc!

Go to bed and sleep and leave them to it!

Take care of YOURSELF!

Let us know how it all goes, when you are feeling better

They went to a week end house party for heaven's sake! anyone on GN get their parents to do a 5 day stint looking after their kids for such a trivial self indulgent reason? As soon as the parents were told their little boy was unwell, they should have come straight back unfortunately looking after sick children is one of the downsides of parenting. I can remember cancelling a rare week end away when one of ours wasn't well, it's not fair to expect someone else to clear up after your sick children, not to mention the fact that small children can go downhill quickly and a parent needs to be the one monitoring a sick child/ren. So yes they are selfish, and your husband should not be indulging them in allowing them to shirk their responsibilities at your expense.

I hope you have recovered now.

First, your daughter obviously trusted you to look after her children while they were ill. But at the same time you must let them know how ill the children were while they were away, I remember years ago driving over to my mother’s house - an hours drive. My three (2,4,6) were in the back of the car. One of them started vomiting but I was nearly at mum’s. When we arrived the other two were sick all over the hall carpet. After helping to clean the children up she asked me to drive them back home! So I did. She was a nurse.

I would welcome them back with open arms and unwashed mugs so they could share their own bad decisions with each other on the way home. Just kidding.

Sorry but if I had a child who was crying for his mummy I would have my phone out and I'd be ringing her and letting her hear her child and I would do it constantly until she agreed to come back . If necessary I'd do it at all hours of the day and night.
As for your husband I'd tell him quite firmly that if he ever behaved like that again and agreed to something I had objected to he would find himself minding the children alone because I'd be booking myself into a nice hotel somewhere and leaving him to get on with it.
Taking to your bed is an excellent idea and don't do anything more for the family. All of them need to be more considerate towards you.

How awful for you. I had that nasty little bug ten days ago. It was brutal, and there was no way I could have looked after one let alone two small children. I’m only just starting to eat proper meals again now.

I just don’t understand this at all. I’d have been worried sick if it were my children, and come straight home. It’s not just the fact they were ill. It’s the possible danger they were in because you both were so ill.

The thing is...it’s done now. You’re on the other side of it, and no doubt, your daughter and son in law will just see nobody’s died...so what’s the problem!!

I would wait until you feel much better. Then sit and talk it through with your husband first. He needs to see he should have supported you. Then talk to your daughter. Did you by any chance get a picture of the kitchen after your little grandson tried to sort himself out?

I know there’s always the risk they’ll sulk, and won’t want to bring the kids to see you, but you could have been hospitalised or anything.

Your initial reaction was the right one. I would not have taken a vomiting child at all. We are so vulnerable being older.

Bless you, this all sounds so horrible. I would be most cross with my husband.

Don’t rush to help again. There’s clearly no regard for your welfare....or their children’s to be honest.

I do hope you sort it out?

Many years ago I took DD to stay with an elderly aunt of mine. Within 24 hours she had gone down with flu - alternating vomiting and nose bleeds. Another time she and her brother went to stay with a friend and both had chickenpox. In both cases I went and collected them immediately. Why wouldn't you? Why would you leave them with someone else?

not with you.

That’s pretty shocking behaviour by your daughter and son-in-law. You’ve been taken for a ride. They need to face up to their responsibilities- when you have children you can’t always live the life you desire.

I’d take to my bed from now on and leave your husband to deal with the rest. Also suggest that your dd & family stay in an hotel and now with you. They’re likely to get the bug anyway if they’re in your house and stay even longer! ?

What a terrible thing to do to the children!

When my kids were little and sick, they wanted Mom. I couldn't move without a toddler glued to me, and spent many hours with a sick wee one sleeping in my lap. Even now, they want me when they're sick (teens to 9 yo at home). I can't imagine dropping them off with anyone in that state.

I also can't imagine doing that to anyone minding my kids, but my first thought was for the kids in this mess.

Heck, even my adult daughter will call up and whine when she's sick. "Why can't you come take care of meeeeeee... Can Dad come get me?" LOL!

I wouldn’t make them drive home. I guess they’ve already done a fair amount of travelling. I’d be too worried they’d have an accident.

I would say ‘Thank goodness you’re back’ and go straight up to bed though. No prepared meal for them (not a good idea with a tummy bug if they ask) and just leave sheets etc for them to make their own bed.

I’d just say goodbye normally in the morning.

But if there’s a repeat request I’d just say ‘No. We know now it’s too much. We really didn’t manage last time.”

Confrontation will only sour things. They’re not entirely to blame. After all your husband kept telling them it was alright and they believed him.

When your daughter arrives explain as calmly as possible what has happened , tell her and your SIL how difficult but has been and that you would prefer them to go straight home because you are exhausted. The more I think about this the more difficult it is to believe that parents expect you to have the children for 5 nights - They are so young! They have been very selfish and if you don't let them know that they may try again - please be warned and don't allow this to happen again .

I agree with Teacheranne stay in bed when your daughter arrives and let her sort everything out. Make sure your husband takes care of you during your extended recovery period as well.
I'm sure once you are all well again it won't seem like such a trauma.. Hope you feel better soon Blueant

Lots of good advice here, Blueant. I hope you feel better soon and can let us know how you get on tonight. Don't let yourself be talked round by your family who are being so selfish and uncaring. I hope your little DGS is better soon too.

Reading this post has made me feel very selfish of the times I left my children with my parents while my husband and me went on a weeks skiing holiday! My parents were fairly young, in their fifties, but dad was at work all day leaving mum with two children, initially one aged 3 and the other 5 months. The following year I had another baby so our eldest came on holiday with us and my parents had one aged 18 months and one aged 5 months.

It must have been really hard work and I don’t think I would agree to do it but at the time I didn’t think about that - very selfish I know.

Had my children been ill and I was going on a reunion in this country, I know I would not have left them but whether I could have come home early from abroad, I’m not sure. You seem to have just about coped and I suggest you have a good rest now, maybe take longer to recover than necessary so your husband realises how his lack of support affected you.

Maybe tell your daughter something about the extra washing you had to do or the lack of sleep but I would hesitate to say enough to cause a permanent rift between you. You obviously love your grandchildren and don’t want to risk not seeing them. Stay in bed while your daughter is with you, don’t go shopping for food or sort out beds for them, they can do that for themselves.

What a terrible situation, hope you’re feeling better. It’s really thoughtless and selfish of them to have dropped you in it like that. Such hard work too with all the stripping of beds etc. Children usually want their parents when they’re ill, I couldn’t have left mine like that. I’d definitely have words with them about it and tell them in no uncertain terms you won’t ever be put in that position again. It’s a big ask expecting you to have them for all those nights anyway, even if the children were well. Much as we all love our grandchildren there are limits!!

Wow staggered! Firstly that they'd leave children so young for so long, and that they didn't come back when you contacted them. In my experience it's tiring enough looking after children when you're fit and well, let alone when you're ill...sending you big hugs. I really can't imagine what you'll say. I know how I'd feel ....completely used and let down. Please let us know how you get on. Xx

I would not offer to take the kids for an extended period of time again - they need to parent their own kids and get their priorities right

I agree with Riverwalk, 5 nights is far too long for two toddlers to be left with grandparents, regardless of any sickness.
Blueant in future, make sure it’s you who sets the boundaries, not your daughter or husband. You don’t have to refuse to have the children, but don’t be afraid to spell out what you can and can’t do.