Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).
Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.
I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.
Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.
The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?
I would go, pay and all the other who are invited at the end of the meal make sure you all have doggy bags and divide the left overs between you along with the booze. Then they cant use the leftovers for their friends
Problem solved
If 12 people go to the dinner they are making a very healthy profit. If they get things all year have healthy salaries etc… then it sounds to me as though they are not doing it out of the goodness of their heart more to get a few extras into the coffers.
Im hosting Xmas dinner this year, no one has been asked for anything as the host we are providing everything and I like it that way. I want my parents to put their feet up and enjoy being fed and spoiled for the day with no washing up and no costs incurred - after all they did it for me when I was growing up, it’s the least I can do.
When my Dd and her partner invited us for Xmas day lunch, they requested £30 towards the food. I paid it as really wanted to spend Xmas with them. Also, two years down the line they again requested money towards the Xmas day lunch.
I was a bit put out as her partner works in IT and is very well paid.
On the other hand, I have hosted numerous Xmas day dinners over the years, and no one, my son included ever offered me anything.
Different generation- different values.
My sister in law charged her own Dad £70.00 for his Christmas lunch a few years ago, if you can’t afford to host don’t invite,
Maybe they don’t want to host, and have done this as a way of making sure no invites are accepted!
I would never charge my family/friends towards Christmas Dinner, Drinks, nibbles etc. I have been hosting Christmas Day for the last 10 years and happy to do so.
My children love to see everyone and it is nice for my parents to have everyone together. Sometimes family members will bring alcohol, box of chocolates etc which is an extra treat.
Well said Chewbacca- get all the protocols needed for a restaurant- need to ask everyone about allergies of course - and make allowances- provide a menu for veggies and vegans- They need to supply some waiters and washer uppers- if you’re paying for it all, you don’t want to be doing any chores- socially distanced tables might be necessary-
Unbelievable! If that happened in our family - they’d be ‘laughed out of town’ .
There are no words.
I saw a tv discussion on this very topic last week, apparently it’s becoming more common. I host my small family for Christmas every year and wouldn’t dream of charging them. From October I add one or two items to my weekly shop to spread the cost leaving just the fresh produce to get Christmas week. Sons always bring the alcohol and the enjoyment from the day is payment enough
After you decline, if they ask why, I'd remind them the meaning of Christmas in the first place! I never went into the holidays with the hopes of being "in the black" on the other side of it! Part of being the host/hostess is fitting the bill. If they never ask why, I'd just leave the topic alone. Maybe others feel the way you do and they will see a lot few faces at this year's event! Sometimes non-spoken truths speak volumes and lend very nicely for self-reflection on their parts! You did the right thing, in my opinion!
So:-
-you have offered hospitality gratis in the past
-they are charging for food and drink
-they are expecting guests to help prepare and clear up
-they are using the leftovers paid for by others to host on
Boxing Day
Taking the Michael. Don't go.
Wow My son is paying for myself his wife and two daughters for Christmas dinner at a restaurant now while it’s £75 per head, yes I nearly passed out to at the price too lol. I offered the money and he said no mum I invited you and you have paid for Christmas dinner all my life now it’s my turn. I’ve being invited to my other sons inlaws before and I asked if anything I can bring and they said no just yourself. But I did turn up with a Christmas cake. Asking for money is cheeky
Presumably you will tell jokes, recite some family anecdotes and maybe sing a song.
SO -- charge THEM for the entertainment.
Back in the distant past when the AC were newly married or with young children I would slip them a couple of notes and say it was towards the turkey or whatever they were short of. Nowadays they are in a better position than we are and we just have to turn up and enjoy, well we hope we do this year.
I would be more than surprised if I was asked for money, YANBU enjoy your day.
We are all going to my middle daughter’s for Christmas dinner. At the beginning we all agreed to split the cost. When I’ve hosted I’ve paid (although my mum always slipped money into my bank). I have no problem splitting the costs. But it would be very presumptuous, in my opinion, to invite along with a charge. We discussed this as a family prior to arranging. YANBU
I would definitely not go .
It's seems to me that if you are invited somewhere it is that a invite not a restaurant booking.
I have always taken a little something for the house bottle of wine ,home made cake or some chocolates.
It's never expected but I feel a little tank us nice.
No way would I charge family or friends .
I would say no thank you
As I think I’ve said upthread, in the past when we’ve had family gatherings such as Christmas lunch, we have all contributed something towards it, be that a joint, a dessert, some cheese, the starter, the wine, etc. To me, this is the way it should be, or at least offer to, even if the host might say no, just bring yourselves, but to charge a set fee as a proviso to going seems a strange way of going about things and contrary to what we are used to doing.
Thanks but no thanks is what my answer would be!
Good gracious ! Never heard the like ! If they cannot afford to host, then they shouldn’t be ! The other alternative is to ask guests in advance if they’d all like to make a contribution of part of the meal ! If I wanted to part with cash I’d go to a restaurant !
I think it is rude and very mean spirited. You did right to decline the invite. Charging patents is truly shocking. How devistayed the poor parents must be to realise they raised such horrible children. I too have read of charging guests for Christmas on Mumsnet in previous years. The common consensus on there was don't go.
Just read this message out to my husband - his duggestion was to charge the person hosting for the cost of petrol/travel to get to their party ?????
Apart from the whole unreasonableness of this situation, the law does prohibit the sale of cooked food without the appropriate licences. Who does the guest who is violently sick after the meal sue I wonder?
Poor manners. If you do go, take enough doggie bags for all the other (paying) guests! YANBU
If they were hard up, I could possibly understand but in this situation they are expecting others to supply their meal and to showoff to friends and neighbours too later. YANBU, it would be a non-polite no from me I'm afraid
What a cheek!
You are not being unreasonable at all.
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