Charging family for Christmas lunch

Basically everyone invited is paying for their Christmas. Unbelievable. My daughter hosted Christmas a couple of times and I offered money as having done Christmas for decades know how expensive it is

Surely if it's family and close friends you negotiate before hand about who will bring/pay for stuff and over the years it becomes a sort of tradition. I've always made puddings, my mum would pay for a turkey. As the host cooks and serves the food they get the left overs, (although doggie bags are usually offered)

Frankly, I think it depends on two things whether it is all right to suggest that visitors contribute to the expense of a Christmas meal or not.

The one is the income of the hosts, the other is the level of expense these family celebrations are costing.

If we are talking of a young couple paying off student loans, mortgage, hire-purchase on the car they need to go to work and bring up a family, they are fully justified in asking for a monetary contribution. And how I wish my sister and I had dared do the same at their time of life.

If however the hosts are in well-paid jobs that they have due in part to substantial financial help from parents, aunts, uncles etc WHICH THEY HAVE NOT PAID BACK it does seem rather rude.

If you feel offended, tell them so when declining their invitation. You are then unlikely to be bothered with similar invitations in the future.

In Denmark, some families have hosted Christmas in strict rotation, each set of hosts paying for everything, or adopted the scheme you have just met for years. Others have flatly said that they will provide the traditional meal, but that guests are to bring their own drink, plus anything in the way of cakes and chocolate they feel is indispensable, as otherwise by the time you add up what Christmas actually costs, you realise that you are using both December and January's housekeeping money on it.

A lot of families have either discontinued giving anyone over 18 presents, or only give presents up to a specified amount of money. Others still use the traditional "wishing list" and chose a gift from it. The writer of the list is supposed to make sure there are a variety of reasonably priced articles to choose from. r.

Seriously? Are they joking? If not, then they are being extraordinarily mean. And you are NOT being unreasonable.
Of course, we take something to family meals, wine or a dessert or something, but to actually charge MONEY is utterly wrong. Just plain wrong.

Tell them where to stick their invitation and if you can afford it and the time have all the refusniks at yours.Or have a bring and share christmas lunch with the others not attending.

Yes, I know that it can prove to be quite expensive to provide food for a number of people but actually charging your nearest and dearest to share a meal is beyond a joke.
I think I would be inclined to say I'd only go if the local environment health office had paid a visit to make sure it had been checked out to justify the re classification of the home being turned into a restaurant !

That’s appalling! YANBU

I think it would depend on whether they were struggling financially. It can be very expensive to host Christmas dinner, with all the attendant fripperies, drinks, etc. If my daughter and son-in-law were to offer to 'do' Christmas dinner for a change I would contribute.

Someone I worked with about 8 years ago, was saying how her sister invited all the family for Christmas dinner. Then a few days later was shocked to be told they would all be charged £15 each, even their parents.

I think they declined the invitation after that.

My youngest daughter is hosting Christmas this year. They recently moved into a large house so can cater for the family, 10 adults and 6 under 4s. Everyone will sleep over. As a family we will split the cost. Everyone is happy to chip in so we can spend the time together. Very different to being asked to pay.

I have never heard of this before. I wouldn’t dream of asking guests to give me money. Surely this would take all the pleasure out of the invitation, one I’d be politely declining.

We are like Luckgirl, and have spent the last few Christmases, when allowed, with our daughter and son in law.
We transfer money into their bank and mark it. Tinsel &Turkey

If I am invited anywhere I always ask if I can do a dessert or bring a bottle, most often it’s a bottle. However if I was cash strapped I would ask them to “bring a bottle”, no way would I ask for a cash contribution.

You don’t have to spend a fortune on a Christmas lunch, a frozen supermarket turkey looks exactly the same as an expensive fresh one when it’s cooked and vegetables are cheap enough at the market, OK preparation would take longer but that’s part of the challenge, doing a really special feast without breaking the bank.

I think inviting people and then asking for money is wrong.

If you're being invited to someone's house every year for Christmas though I think you should be either making a decent contribution towards the meal eg a Christmas pudding, a few bottles of wine, a cheeseboard and a starter, or giving a generous voucher as a Christmas present.
Or reciprocating with a meal on Boxing day, New Year's eve etc.

I wouldn't dream of charging if I'd decided to host and would decline any invitation where I was asked or, take my card with me and when I was told they don't take card payments, say I was sorry but I don't carry cash.

I would do as you do Luckygirl and/or take a few bottles to be enjoyed with the meal.

My mother spent every Christmas with us and never contributed a thing, not even a bottle of wine!

She would say after the meal “ You should have let me pay for the turkey” I was always tempted to say thanks £100 please.

I think Luckgirl is a lovely mum to just transfer some money.
My mothers attitude was “they can afford it”

For the last few years we have all spent Christmas with one of my DDs who has a large enough house to accommodate everyone. I always put a little bit of money in their account to go towards this, even though I know they can afford it. I think they appreciate the gesture that says "You are not taken for granted."

A few yrs ago when I was on Jobseekers, my income was £73 a week, I said I would host Christmas dinner (would be basic one not with all the fancy goods etc) But my mum insisted that she gave me some money towards and also my dds.

Which I did accept and a good time was had.

But no I would never have asked for any payment, contributions of food etc then yes but not money.

This year I am hosting the day, but my dad is buying the meat, his choice and he's happy to do that as makes him feel useful and that he's helped.

We often ask our family members to bring something if there are a lot coming and they usually ask what to bring anyway. If we meet in a restaurant everyone pays their own except for a couple who have very little money and we usually shout them. I would not even think of asking them to pay if it is home based and no one I know would,either. I don’t think I would go, not my sort of people.

I would be happy if I was asked to bring a dish or two. If asked to pay I would decline.

Cheeky in my books. Never would I ever.

I do know a large family that decided amongst themselves that Christmas was getting too big for Mum to do, so they switch houses every year and do pot-luck. The host does the turkey, but that is it. Everyone else contributes potatoes, veg, dressing, etc. I think at last count they were over 30 people, and no-one had a house big enough, so they rented the curling club dining area. The kids had lots of room to run around, and the kitchen there was good enough to host and keep dinner warm.

I only discovered this was a thing when I read a very similar thread on MN where the hosts also kept leftovers for their Boxing Day soirée. I found it hard to believe anyone would think of doing this. Utter cheapskates.

My response would be a resounding no thank you!

ValerieF

Freedom from the past? Probably not the best name for this thread eh? “NO freedom” springs to mind.

So you provide and can’t afford to but say you don’t mind? Which is it?
So what if everyone wonders where their thanksgiving dinner is? Let THEM provide it. ? not even sure I could go there. Just tell them you can’t afford it! Then disappear to a lakeside retreat and leave them to it ???

I apologize if I was not clear.

I have hosted family gathers for 15 years. I enjoy doing so and have no plans to stop. The younger generation in our family are still teens and young adults, so they wont be hosting any time soon.
I have never asked for money to do so.
Everyone typically brings a dish, though I do spend the most for the main part of the meal.

The point of my post is to say that, I can understand WHY someone would ask for contributions only because this year it has cost me more than twice what I normally pay each year. If inflation keeps up here in the US, I may have to decide to ask family members for other options, one being them contributing to the cost of the meal. I know that my family would not have a problem with that at all, but each family is different.

It was not until Chewbacca's post that I realized I was missing the point the OP was talking about being charged a per person rate vs. helping for the cost of the meal. I was thinking more in the lines of family helping out with the cost, as it has gotten extremely expensive this year, vs. just charging everyone to show up. Two completely different things, though I wonder if in the OP's case they thought this was the best solution to the increased cost and went with that option.

I am quite sure that one day, my husband and I will be spending some holidays at a lake house alone. I am sure I will look back longingly at the time when everyone gathered together to see each other and celebrate, but also be relieved that I am not doing all the work. Our next generation will make their own traditions and I hope will love some of the ones we have now enough to use going forward.

I will always offer to help pay for the meal once my children take over the duties though, if I am able to. j

If they can't afford it/don't want to do it then best to say so and pass the baton to someone else.

Whatever next!
Christmas hardly comes cheap - I can remember all the years when we hosted all of DH’s family and somehow the offer of “I’ll make the cake/pudding” however kindly meant, didn’t anywhere like meet the expense, but giving is what you do at Christmas so that was what we did- and willingly!
It was nice though when somebody offered to provide the drinks, or one year Granny said she would buy the turkey!
This year D2, SIL and GS and I will be staying with D1 and family. So D2 and I have offered to take responsibility for one day each so I am taking Christmas Eve supper for everybody, D1 and SIL will be responsible (with us all mucking in) for Christmas Day and D2 and her husband for the ham , salads etc for the Boxing Day meal. It seems a fair division of labour to me .
But to get back to paying for family meal - we would never ever fail to offer a pudding, the wine, the starter or some contribution ( not financial) to a meal.
Better then to go out and split the bill.