Holiday with another couple

Dicken I know I'm biased - I don't like the idea of going on holiday with another couple because I like to do my own (our own) thing and, selfishly I guess, don't want to have to consider every other moment what the other couple might want / not want to do. Meeting up in the evening for drinks and dinner after a day doing what you like doing is one thing... but to wake up every morning and have to consider how the other couple might want to spend the day... oh sheesh, no, no, no.

This is exactly how I feel. We went away with them on an all inclusive holiday (pre-Covid). It is part of mine and DH's holiday to go out for a lovely meal at night to different restaurants, rather than eat in every night in what is basically a canteen. I think they were counting the pennies and only wanted to go out to eat a couple of times. We felt bad leaving them to eat in the 'canteen' so we ended up only going out to eat twice in eight days. Obviously they joined on those two nights .

Mummer - I thought my situation is bad but this is horrendous. We did go away before Christmas, just the two of us. The other couple knew we were going but were moving house at the time. She kept looking at the holiday online and letting us know that the price had come down. My DH was convinced they were going to turn up at the airport and 'surprise' us. They didn't - but only because they had too much on at home.

You need to sit down and tell your husband clearly that you don't want to go on holiday with this couple. Explain your reasons as you have on here. If he refuses to go along with your wishes then tell him you are staying home. Not right that your looked forward to holiday is ruined. Good luck.

This sounds awful! Can you cancel and then book something else?

you have booked and they are muscling in? Say no!!

20 years ago my DH and I shared a Cyprus villa with my DM, Cousin and DSF . They couldn’t make a decision between them so I just used to say I’m going to the pool , or the beach etc . You are welcome to join me if you wish . Then DH and I went off . Sometimes they would join us , sometimes not , but we never fell out about it and I never wasted half a days sunbathing while waiting for them to come to a decision .
All of the people are dead now so I go on holiday with my DSisIL and she’s happy to do whatever I want to

Gosh, We sometimes have issues just between the two of us trying to decide what we want to do on holiday. Expanding that to four would be a huge no-no.
We did have a couple of group holidays when we were in our twenties but so much time was wasted waiting for people, disagreeing about itineraries etc.
We often want to do something spontaneous or do nothing as the mood takes. This is what I love about being away. Having to take into consideration what others want to do would spoil it for me.
You can still rescue this - be determined to do exactly what you would have done had you been just a couple - no compromises. They are uninvited, clearly thick skinned and deserve little consideration.
Having said all that, there no chance in hell I’d be holidaying in March anywhere as I don’t want Covid!

This is easy: Talk to your Husband regarding looking at Activities ahead of the Trip. You & your husband can Book an activity for yourselves. Ask your husband for advice. It's your Trip and your money.
Now if they Pay for Everything that's different.

I agree that the only way group holidays work is if people agree to split up during the day and all meet for drinks and dinner in the evening.

That way you don't get the sightseers dragging the 'read by the pool' people around museums and castles they're not interested in. Or the sun worshippers assuming everyone is happy to lie on the beach all day. Fellow holidaymakers who want everyone to go around joined at the hip all day are a pain. It just means you all spend more time compromising than enjoying yourself.

When we have holidayed with others, the arrangement has always been that we do our own thing during the day, but meet for evening meal. Occasionally a daytime plan would appeal to all of us, that’s fine.

Lay out a few ground rules first! Mainly that you do your own thing during the day maybe eating together in the evening to compare notes, taking turns to pick the place. I'm not a beach or pool sunbather, I mean why would you go somewhere wonderful just to do that? I want to walk about new places, watch the people, see different things going on not sit in one place wor

I would perhaps go on a weekend away with them if you do get on with them and your husband likes their company .But only go for you proper holidays as a couple. Just keep it vague and tell them it's surprise for your husband for your wedding Anniversary- which is true because you get one of those every year ! If they still don't get the hint you'll have to spell it out for them and say you prefer it with just the two of you especially after the pandemic I think we've all gone a bit agrophobic - which is also true ! Which they may not like but they do seem pretty thick skinned ! Good luck!

It would be my idea of hell to go away with other people, even if they were good friends. I like time to myself, as does DH. We went with friends to their home in France a few years ago and I must admit that I didn't find it very relaxing. We had no car with us so had to go everywhere with them.
I'm not sure how long you are going for, but perhaps if they suggest a holiday together again you could make it some sort of weekend break rather than a longer holiday?

Go on your own let your husband go with them

Just be honest and say you just want to have a holiday on your own with hubby, but will consider going with the: another time. Sounds like this couple have problems and need others around for company.

How about booking a last minute holiday/break next time?The ‘pack your bags and leave tonight’ sort? No time to tell the other couple about it!

PinkCosmos - How old are you? Presumably you haven't gone through life always being afraid to say what you want - or have you?

This is the time for you and your husband to talk, and then for you both to set the ground rules with other, and then to set the agreed ground rules with this couple.

You're spending your money going on this holiday - would you spend £100 on an opera ticket for a performance that you know you would hate or would you speak up, would you go along with an expensive trip to the races when you can't stand that pastime because you were afraid of offending someone? I doubt it so here you need to remember what you're investing and what you're getting out of it.

It has to be a compromise between you and your OH - maybe also you should analyse his behaviour when with this couple - is he really 'siding' with them or simply stating his preference, and if he does have a preference which coincides with what they want to do then you have the choice of joining them or doing your own quiet thing. If the situation arises where that couple seem to find themselves frequently in a threesome they might stop asking you/inviting themselves!

If it’s a done deal that you are going away with your friends why not plan out how you would each like to spend the day so that everyone gets to do their thing. And if the others want to do something different then so be it. If this isn’t feasible then I would suggest that you do your own thing and meet up in the evenings for refreshments.

For years we went away with another couple. There was a lot of compromising needed. Hanging about to have breakfast because they hadn't come down yet, and only doing things that all four of us wanted. I love charity shops but the others wouldn't wait while I went into one. One person liked long brisk walks and everyone else went along. It got to the stage we couldn't book a couples holiday without asking if they wanted to come along. We had to bite the bullet and go on holiday on our own. I cant believe we compromised for so long.

You could find an interest holiday that you would like to do & explain to your husband that he is welcome to come but you don't mind going on your own. Make it clear you don't want any extras as you want yo ease yourself. There are some lovely singles holidays which have specialist themes.

Oh dear I would not like this either but even more difficult now they have booked. I guess you take the nuclear option and cancel or move your hotel booking! Otherwise I think you need to try and be much clearer about your boundaries and agree them with your husband and before you go. Something along the lines of it would be nice to meet up with them x days/times but we will be doing our own thing on y days as you don't want to be in one anothers pockets. They can only take the lead if you let them. I think you also need to let your husband know that you don't want to share future holidays.

A shared holiday would not be my idea of a holiday.Having read GN comments has convinced me .

Change your holiday without telling them? lol

My husband wouldnt mind going away with another couple, we have a motor home and he woud love to go with another couple, I woudnt mind meeting up with them for a few days but thats all,I would feel we had to do what they wanted and forfit what we want to do.I like us to go on our own then meet other people casually.

Mummer

I took DH away on surprise week break to Malta after a year of his gruelling recovery treatments from bowel C.(all ok!) 1st night in our usual hotel bar 5star luxury had day of relaxing and ready for an Intimate lazee week, then a couple we know really well and we'd met there 4years before, and whom we were regular weekenders with (I had told them of my suprise break for him) -suddenly walked into the bar!!!! My reaction? Suprise/shock/ then a dawning of oh FFS!.......quiet week? Not on your nelly. Dragged into rented car trip round island. Dragged to very expensive half day spa treatments, being scoffed for wanting to use full all inclusive facilities and not blow money eating out! Basically they hijacked my secret getaway with a very strung out DH who craved peace and relaxation before returning to very stressful career as a senior cop. It made me want to never see them again but hubby more forgiving(soft!) We were mates up to 2008/9 when they simply stole another couple we were friends with (they lived round corner, the hijackers lived in Gloucester) by being incredibly nasty and telling untruths.nightmare never NEVER again will I share my precious holiday with anyone .buyer beware indeedy! Footnote him hijacked died 2.5years ago and she? Told us in Christmas card without forwarding address it was as if she wanted to somehow spoil a christmas for us as well even though we'd not seen or heard from them for 10years!! Strange folks...

I find it quite incredible that your friends muscled their way into a holiday quite obviously planned as a rest / recuperation break for you and your husband. Actually, I'm gob-smacked, I cannot even begin to understand the mentality of such people.

In my book it is not only totally insensitive, it's down right arrogant to think you are so much - what, 'fun' to be with? - that other people are going to lose out on not having you around?

Frankly, I would not have tolerated it and, friend or no friend, would've made it quite clear that their presence was intrusive and unwelcome. If they haven't got the decency to understand that your husband needed a break, with you, from his treatment (and I've had the treatment for the same cancer) then they don't deserve any consideration for their feelings - they certainly had none for yours.

I know I'm biased - I don't like the idea of going on holiday with another couple because I like to do my own (our own) thing and, selfishly I guess, don't want to have to consider every other moment what the other couple might want / not want to do. Meeting up in the evening for drinks and dinner after a day doing what you like doing is one thing... but to wake up every morning and have to consider how the other couple might want to spend the day... oh sheesh, no, no, no.

... but I'm glad your husband is OK now. It is gruelling going through bowel cancer treatment (and surgery) and it takes quite a while to get over all the effects, both physical and emotional. .

Juicylucy

Gosh I don’t understand why you’ve just got to suck it up. I understand your not confrontational but it’s your money paying for your holiday, it will be like this every holiday if you don’t speak up now. It does frustrate me when people let other people dictate there life’s. Please pull up those big girl pants and say maybe another time.

I agree. There is no reason why a friendship could end just because someone is assertive and clear about their needs on a holiday THEY are spending THEIR money on! If it does end then there was a problem anyway...and there is a problem in this friendship because at least one of the group is getting walked all over and ignored.

Another excellent book to read is "A Woman in Her Own Right" by Anne Dickson