Holiday with another couple

I once went on holiday to Paris with a group (3 others) and found myself turned into an unpaid tour guide. I was the only one who spoke French and I was doing all the translating of menus, arranging, explaining and organizing. And I was guiding them around places like Versailles etc that Ive visited before.

On day 3, much to their annoyance, I went off to the fleamarket and spent the entire day there. Then I went to the bookshops on the left bank which are open until ten in the evening, than had dinner. Returned to the hotel to black looks and mouths down to the floor.

One of my foolish companions (friend of a friend) had lost all her money, travel cheques (long before credit cards) and passport. They had spend all day in the local gendamerie getting a police report in English and French.

Oh dear. I was made to feel sooooo guilty because I wasnt there and they dont speak French.

I told them they would have to go to the British Embassy to get a replacement emergency passport. Be prepared for lots of standing in queues, waiting, explaining and form filling. But I would not be coming with them as they speak ENGLISH at the British Embassy and they did not need me.

After all it was my holiday too. Spent another day at the fleamarket.

Never gone on holiday with a group again.

There was a very cool atmosphere travelling back and we sat on different seats on the train from Paris to Callais.

Thank you all for your comments. It is heartening to know that I am not alone in feeling the way I do

We have since found out (from someone who worked with them years ago) that this seems to be a pattern with this couple. We were told that they used to be very friendly with another couple for a few years but that relationship came to an end - don't know why.

We already knew that they used to go away with another (different) couple up to about three years ago when we became the chosen ones.

Maybe they behaved the same way with the others and were dropped by them ??

Pink Cosmos I'm totally with you! I would find it incredibly stressful to go on holiday with another couple - I find social occasions hard work at the best of times, max 3 hours with other people, and to spend one or two weeks with other people, even family, is unthinkable. I've had the conversation with my husband and he is in no doubt that if he wanted to holiday with friends or family I would not be going!

We've joined another couple twice for a holiday abroad at their invitation and enjoyed it , they organised and we went with the flow but they've joined us twice for holidays in the UK which we've organised and both times they've been a nightmare so never again . Spending holidays with overbearing bossy people and having to grit your teeth while they moan isn't my idea of fun so we won't do it again . We will have a polite excuse ready .
I don't think it works really and holidays cost a lot of money .

We do go away quite a bit with our close friends, sometimes even in a larger group and we've done that for several years.
However, and it's a big however, everyone is quite clear from the start that we are NOT joined at the hip - if anyone, single person, couple or part of the group wants to do their own thing it's absolutely fine. No-one gets in a huff.
We generally eat together but it's not obligatory .
The sunbathers can hang out by the pool, the walkers go off for the day, as can culture vultures and shoppers. Loved-up couples can stay in their room all day if they like. ?
We can enjoy company when we want but it's not enforced.
We did have one holiday with four other people, one couple, two singletons, and the bloke from the other couple groused about 'what's the point of holidaying with friends but not doing everything together'.
And it was absolutely miserable trailing around mob-handed all the time . Never again.

Actually I think it’s your husband you have a problem with. He prefers it. He must know you don’t like sporting events etc. he probably does. He has more power to do what he wants with them in the mix than with just you. I’d be spitting feathers too. It’s all about power and you have less of it when in a group. Perhaps it’s your hubby who should put the big knickers on.

We have been on hols with a few different people from time to time. Mostly we have enjoyed it, particularly in the evening when we dined together. One couple, however, gave us the holiday from hell because of how demanding and bossy the wife was. We never realised this until we'd been away with them. It is no holiday if you don't like the company- don't do it, is all I would say.

These days, going on holiday with another couple would be my idea of a nightmare! I wouldn't mind a weekend break, but not a main holiday. We used to do it years ago, in our younger days, and we'd put up with doing things that we sometimes didn't want to do, just to please others. One couple (still very good friends of ours, even after 40+ years), always wanted to befriend every stranger that spoke to us, and we ended up spending time with people that we didn't know, and had nothing in common with! I believe these friends are still the same now whenever they go on holiday. The only thing that got us out of going away with them was when we all started having children!

We did sometimes go away with a large group of friends, and all the children, just for short breaks over New Year, which was always a lot of fun, and the kids always enjoyed it. But, nowadays, DH and I would much prefer our own company so that we can please ourselves when we're on holiday.

PinkCosmos, if I were you, I'd have to have a serious discussion with DH about this. Tell him how you feel, and find out what his true feelings are. Going on holiday should be a pleasurable experience for both of you, and you shouldn't have to tag along with others if that's not what you want to do. If you and your DH enjoyed holidays alone together before this other couple latched onto you, then I think you should make a stand and insist that this time your holidaying without them! When we get older, life's too short to be doing something we don't want to do, just to please others!

The only time we went away with another couple it was a massive disaster, never ever again!

On about the third/fourth day of the holiday DH and I decided we wanted to visit a nearby big city which we had never been to before - they wanted to go bird-watching which was their big hobby. So we did our separate things, but after that there was a definite 'atmosphere' from their side, and the friendship was never the same again...

LovelyLady

I haven’t read all the other comments, life is too short.
You say you’ve been on hols with them for the past couple of years. Are you in UK? I do hope not as we’ve been in COVID territory for the last 2 years. I’m sure there must be some country in the world that’s avoided this pandemic, but it’s not the UK.
COVID is the excuse you need not to go with them. It’s a good reason.

But not too short for others to read your comments. Maybe you didn't mean to sound so rude.

Sounds horrendous, It’s your holiday why spoil it
Could use the pandemic as a excuse to not invited them.
Another time keep it to yourself

Sorry gooseberry

You have had lots of advice about how not to get to go with thm. However if you do find you are going do not sacrifice your pleasure. Why not start a new hobby like drawing, or paiting, take a simple set of pencils and colour and then keep going off with your sketch book to find interesting subjects etc. Or even a camera and decide on a type of photograpy. Just do your own thing and agree to emet them at meals.

Your husband and they might begin to get tired of your husband being the booseberry!

I'd only go if there was a strict understanding that some time apart is a must. Otherwise it could be a disaster. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

We're off to New York in June with another couple, we've been on holiday with them several times and it works well. Separate during the day unless we happen to want to go to the same place and then meet up for drinks and dinner, have done a couple of cruises with another couple and that worked well too in the same way.
However a very good friend and his new partner have suggested a Nile cruise sometime over the next 18 months, unfortunately she is jaw droppingly racist so it's going to be a firm no to that one. I won't be able to get annual leave/we'll be going away too much that year etc etc.

When we have been on holiday with friends we agree beforehand to spend a couple of days together and then a couple of days doing our own thing and meeting up in the evening. This worked for us, otherwise it can put big a strain on any friendship. Good luck.

Thanks for all the posts, I'm too much like that other couple .I've always wondered why when I invite others for holiday outings I get turned away, all theses posts have really opened my mind.. it's hard for me to understand that some just enjoy being alone or just relaxing with their partner .. I'm always go,go,go.... Great information!

MerylStreep

lovelyLady
This might come as a shock to you but 1,000s of people have been going on holiday for the past 2 years.
Life didn’t stop completely.
One friend has been to Spain 3 times. Another, Greece twice. 1 is on a cruise right now.

Absolutely. My daughter went to Athens, younger son went to Venice and Paris on the Eurostar. Elder son and his family have been to one of the Greek islands and Scotland. OH and I have been to Devon twice. Life does go on, albeit in a different fashion.

lovelyLady
This might come as a shock to you but 1,000s of people have been going on holiday for the past 2 years.
Life didn’t stop completely.
One friend has been to Spain 3 times. Another, Greece twice. 1 is on a cruise right now.

I haven’t read all the other comments, life is too short.
You say you’ve been on hols with them for the past couple of years. Are you in UK? I do hope not as we’ve been in COVID territory for the last 2 years. I’m sure there must be some country in the world that’s avoided this pandemic, but it’s not the UK.
COVID is the excuse you need not to go with them. It’s a good reason.

Genius idea from @Love2Retire absolutely perfect.

See if you can change the date of the holiday - ideally to the week after. Then you can wave bye to them as you depart through the airport as they return. If they then query it - you can blame your other half for getting the date wrong!

Stand up for yourself,tell them that you were looking forward to this holiday with just your husband.They have a nerve to want to join you.I know that I was always content to holiday with my husband,we didn't want anyone to join us.People want to do different things when they're away,it must be hard to please everyone.

@PinkCosmos I have read it all and to be honest I am a bit cross with you for allowing these people to walk all over you. How dare they think they can just turn up on your precious holiday and naive of your DH to tell them the exact whereabouts and dates.

If it was me I would change the holiday, you dont have to tell them, you owe them no explanation as you weren’t holidaying with them in the first place.

Go to the shop for some big girl pants.

I wonder why you went on a second holiday with them if you don't enjoy their company for any length of time. To go abroad more than once with a couple I think that you would need to all get along fairly well. Maybe you do need to cut a bit of slack since your husband gets on with the couple or let him go on holiday with the couple and you stay at home and do something you enjoy.