Small thank you gift?

Peartree

I remember a Chinese lady I worked with invited me for tea and cake at work because I had missed her little birthday do. I was so touched that I brought her some jasmin tea from Fortnam and Masons it was only £5.00. Well she was so angry with me and really told me off. Our relationship was never the same afterwards.

Did the person tell you why she was angry? Don't they give gifts like we do in Chinese culture?

@CountessFosco,

What was the equipment you lent out?

I assumed that 'computer equipment' was a shorthand for technical stuff that OP didn't want to explain in detail!
And CountessFosco (interesting username, are you trying to tell us something?) I think that cultural expectations can be different.
Even here, the different communities may be a bit different - for instance on Freegle / Freecycle you would not give a small gift in exchange; but on a small local site you might.
However, I think anywhere, it would be expected that you would honour the agreement.
For me that would be the unacceptable part

AliO8.She said that I had made things awkward. Which I must admit I was surprised as we had a nice working relationship. I did think it might be a cultural thing afterwards but I didnt mean any offence. I did apologise even though I thought it was a nice gesture.

I gave my sister and brother-in-law a garden centre voucher for being so supportive towards me during the first months of Covid - she then sent me an expensive bunch of flowers from Waitrose! I felt almost as though my gift had been thrown back in my face (but not quite): and I was upset by her gesture, it wasn't needed and, to my mind, it degraded my gift.

Following on from my comment above, it almost felt that a competition had been started and that my sister had to be the one to be the winner.
I wouldn't be making a gesture like that again to her.
On a general note, I don't give someone something expecting a gift in return - a simple thank you is all I need or want.

We’ve given things away via Freecycle, and would never have expected anything but a verbal ‘thank you’.

We’ve had the odd person say they want something and then not bother to turn up, so anyone who does and says thank you, is fine with us.

Putting everything into perspective : we loaned specialised computer cabling and adaptors because the person was "desperate".
We have been out of England for 44 years : during that time we have learned friendliness, kindness and above all politeness. We have lived all over the world. Have yet to encounter such vicious remarks [only from some people thank heavens] who hide behind pseudonyms knowing they are untraceable.
But a lesson has been learned here : any contribution will now cease - no more posting ever again.
But to the person who asked regarding Countess Fosco, this is taken from the wonderful book "The Woman in White" by Wilkie Collins and no, I am not trying to tell you anything. What a sad reflection of Gransnet subscribers.

I believe only one poster was rude. You don’t seem to inhabit the same world as most of us, expecting a gift in return for doing a favour, so I suspect GN is not for you. GN members offer a great deal of friendliness and kindness to one another. I suspect your view of politeness is a little outdated and perhaps equates to ‘agreeing with you’.

I found it interesting to learn that you are supposed to give a small gift if you accept something being given away free in France or Switzerland.

We don't do this (expect this) in Denmark, nor did we do it when I was a child in Scotland. I don't know whether it is expected in Germany - I hope not, as I have sometimes taken something that was put outside a gate with a notice stating that it was free if you wanted it, and it never struck me that the person offering it might expect something in return.

I would, and most Danes would, give a small present, usually a bunch of flowers or a couple of bottles of beer, or a box of chocolates when thanking someone who had done me a favour, unless I had already offered some form of recompense, such as paying the petrol if I had been driven anywhere.

Anyone know what you are supposed to do in Germany?

There is always a small return gift here in France for any help given or a gift.

I must apologise, although I don't know if CountessFosco will read it. My comment on the username (as a fan of The Woman in White) was intended to be amusing.
I should perhaps have realised that given some rather sharp comments by other posters, my reference to the great villainess might not be seen as lighthearted.

Well how incredibly strange ?

callistemon that’s totally different if a friend/neighbour helps with a problem you can’t do yourself

Bluebelle it was just a favour, not a problem, in that particular case letting them park on our drive when they had visitors (a few times).

grandtanteJE65 Tue 11-Jan-22 12:49:26

When in Rome and all that .......

I learnt that if you're invited for coffee in Australia, you take an offering with you (often home-baked).

The most I would expect for loaning anything would be for it to be returned intact, undamaged, in a timely manner and with a "thank you". Wouldn't expect a gift. I lend to help people out butwould NEVER lend money, jewelry, or computer equipment!

I’ve never expected anything when I’ve loaned out stuff or given stuff away but it’s been appreciated when I have received a small gift for it. On the other hand I always give a small thank you if it’s me that’s borrowing or receiving a freebie.

I'm always trying to de-clutter & am delighted if someone can use something that we no longer need. Also try not to eat too much chocolate /drink too much wine, so I can honestly say that where freebies are concerned, I really don't want a small gift in return (although I pretend to be pleased if one is given).If you then give the small gift away & are given an even smaller gift in return - could be like russian nesting dolls!

valdali

I'm always trying to de-clutter & am delighted if someone can use something that we no longer need. Also try not to eat too much chocolate /drink too much wine, so I can honestly say that where freebies are concerned, I really don't want a small gift in return (although I pretend to be pleased if one is given).If you then give the small gift away & are given an even smaller gift in return - could be like russian nesting dolls!

I agree!