To think friend was disrespectful

It wouldn't have mattered to me.
If your friend is nice enough for you to have helped during a crisis then what did it matter what she wore ?

Lyng17

I agree with Floriel. I couldn't go to a restaurant in casual or work clothes I had been wearing all day. That's just lazy.

When I worked in London, a gang of us from the office used to go to a restaurant in our work clothes every Friday. A restaurant full of others in similar garb.

We were too "lazy" to travel back out to the sticks where we lived to shower (again) and change because it would have taken up too much time.

One colleague did bring a change of clothes a couple of times - but said it didn't "feel right" putting them on when she hadn't been able to shower first. And she didn't look any different to anyone else in the restaurant when she did change.

... we all looked smart and presentable. That's the point.

Oldwoman70

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

... then I don't think it matters what we say - you've decided she didn't make the effort you though she should.

If you both spent most of the afternoon chatting - she's hardly likely to have got 'mucky' and sweaty drinking coffee and, assuming she showered in the morning, I'm guessing she looked presentable?

TBH, under the same circumstances, I too might have done the same - unless what I was wearing was a tad scruffy, and you haven't said anything to indicate she looked that way. If you hadn't seen her that day - you wouldn't have known she was wearing the same sweater.

Wow, how judgemental!
Clearly you and your friend have different priorities. Assuming that what she was wearing was not inappropriate and she was clean I really feel it is none of your business.

I think you're being a bit unfair. Not everybody is interested in clothes or dressing up, and so long as they are clean and tidy they feel okay. It may be your friend wasn't expecting everybody else to dress up if you weren't going somewhere upmarket. Maybe she goes everywhere without dressing up?

I agree with others that the couple you helped were probably far too grateful for your assistance to worry about your clothes or feel disrespected. It was kind of you both.

I agree with Floriel. I couldn't go to a restaurant in casual or work clothes I had been wearing all day. That's just lazy.

Your hosts wouldn’t know whether she’d changed or not, I assume?

I was just about to say that; perhaps they hadn't seen her earlier in the day. Without knowing what she was wearing I can't comment.

I've decided that, since lockdown, I really dislike wearing makeup and often go without. I would shower and wash my hair though!

You're both very kind and they obviously appreciated your help

Well it’s no biggie, but I do think it’s courteous to make a bit of an effort if someone’s being kind enough to treat you to a meal, just to show that you appreciate it (even if it is as a thank you for something you’ve done). But people have different standards when it comes to dress, and perhaps what she was already wearing was smart enough? Your hosts wouldn’t know whether she’d changed or not, I assume?

What a very kind pair you and your friend are. How lovely that the couple appreciated you both so much that they treated you to a slap up meal.
So much kindness going on I’m sure nobody noticed who wore what.
Obviously your friend was happy as she was, as were you and the other friends and that’s what’s important.

I don’t think YABU Oldwoman70. I think it’s a sign of respect and good manners to make a bit of effort, especially when they wanted to take you out to eat on what was probably quite a special occasion for them.

Oldwoman70

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

I understood just fine. You are unreasonable.

If you hadn’t seen her earlier in the day, would you have though her appearance was not up to ( your ) standard? Was it just that she hadn’t put something different on to go out? Or did you think a sweater was not smart?
Either way, what does it matter?
I hope you all enjoyed the meal.

If the hosts had dressed up a bit then I understand your feelings but it’s unlikely they took offence, so nor should you especially as the situation is unlikely to happen again.

Don’t spoil it fir yourself, your friend or the couple. It was a kind thought from them repaying thoughtful kindly actions of you and your friend,

Very unreasonable.

Did you talk to your friend about it? I hope it doesn't spoil your friendship

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

Seems a bit daft to even think about it to be honest. Hope the meal was nice and how lovely to have your own and your friends kindness acknowledged!!

I think this is unreasonable, please don't judge your friend by her appearance, she should wear what she feels comfortable in

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If the clothes she was wearing were presentable - does it really matter if she wore them earlier?

Maybe she had a busy day and just had a quick wash & brush-up? Whatever the reason, I don't think it's worth giving too much thought to it. She, like you, is obviously a good soul - helping out an elderly man, and I'm sure neither he nor his wife would care what she was wearing, only the fact that she accepted the invitation.

I honestly can't see what your problem is. How is this disrespectful?

I wear jeans all the time ... no one cares.

I doubt the old couple compared your clothes or general turn out they were grateful to you both and you both had different ways of ‘going out’ but you both went and I bet they loved treating you both I doubt if they would even know what you were wearing if asked
Kind of them to treat you glad you were both able to keep the ‘date’

The couple were grateful for your kindness. What your friend was up to her and it really doesn't matter. Hope you all enjoyed the meal.

Each to their own I'm afraid. If she was comfortable and clean in her appearance, that's all that matters really. She attended that was the main thing.

Well, several thoughts, ie
Each to there own
Does it really matter
I may have thought the same years ago,
But who does it say most about, ? they were grateful, you were judgemental, I don’t mean this unkindly but even if they didn’t cut the muster , you did & dressed as per what you believed to acceptable . They did the same
I don’t think they were being deliberately disrespectful to you. Just different , best wishes

I believe it is disrespectful to judge a good person by their appearance.

I misunderstood slightly and for that I apologise. Your friend, not the ill wife, hadn't changed clothes. I still think you're being ridiculous though! What does it matter if she hadn't changed? She's not being 'disrespectful'. Why should she change because you think she should?