To think friend was disrespectful

As your friend was kind enough to help look after someone whilst their partner was ill does it matter?

Comfort over style maybe?

So yes ITYABU.

It depends on what her normal “style” is. Does she ever “make an effort”? If not then no problem.
I wouldnt go out for the evening without some kind of effort but each to their own,

You are being ridiculous. I'm sorry if you don't like the answer but really. She'd been in hospital and presumably was still recuperating. They were kind enough to take you for a meal and you think she's being disrespectful? Please give your head a wobble.

Grandmabatty please reread the OP, it was the friend, not the wife.i

Oops an extra i there.

I misunderstood slightly and for that I apologise. Your friend, not the ill wife, hadn't changed clothes. I still think you're being ridiculous though! What does it matter if she hadn't changed? She's not being 'disrespectful'. Why should she change because you think she should?

I believe it is disrespectful to judge a good person by their appearance.

Well, several thoughts, ie
Each to there own
Does it really matter
I may have thought the same years ago,
But who does it say most about, ? they were grateful, you were judgemental, I don’t mean this unkindly but even if they didn’t cut the muster , you did & dressed as per what you believed to acceptable . They did the same
I don’t think they were being deliberately disrespectful to you. Just different , best wishes

Each to their own I'm afraid. If she was comfortable and clean in her appearance, that's all that matters really. She attended that was the main thing.

The couple were grateful for your kindness. What your friend was up to her and it really doesn't matter. Hope you all enjoyed the meal.

I doubt the old couple compared your clothes or general turn out they were grateful to you both and you both had different ways of ‘going out’ but you both went and I bet they loved treating you both I doubt if they would even know what you were wearing if asked
Kind of them to treat you glad you were both able to keep the ‘date’

I honestly can't see what your problem is. How is this disrespectful?

I wear jeans all the time ... no one cares.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If the clothes she was wearing were presentable - does it really matter if she wore them earlier?

Maybe she had a busy day and just had a quick wash & brush-up? Whatever the reason, I don't think it's worth giving too much thought to it. She, like you, is obviously a good soul - helping out an elderly man, and I'm sure neither he nor his wife would care what she was wearing, only the fact that she accepted the invitation.

I think this is unreasonable, please don't judge your friend by her appearance, she should wear what she feels comfortable in

Seems a bit daft to even think about it to be honest. Hope the meal was nice and how lovely to have your own and your friends kindness acknowledged!!

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

Very unreasonable.

Did you talk to your friend about it? I hope it doesn't spoil your friendship

If the hosts had dressed up a bit then I understand your feelings but it’s unlikely they took offence, so nor should you especially as the situation is unlikely to happen again.

Don’t spoil it fir yourself, your friend or the couple. It was a kind thought from them repaying thoughtful kindly actions of you and your friend,

If you hadn’t seen her earlier in the day, would you have though her appearance was not up to ( your ) standard? Was it just that she hadn’t put something different on to go out? Or did you think a sweater was not smart?
Either way, what does it matter?
I hope you all enjoyed the meal.

Oldwoman70

Some of you seem to have misunderstood - the couple had dressed up, they rarely go out and this was special for them. My friend hadn't bothered to so much as change her sweater, she hadn't had a busy day (we had spent most of the afternoon chatting over coffee). I am not normally a "judgmental" person, accepting people for who and what they are but on this occasion I just felt she could have made a little effort.

I understood just fine. You are unreasonable.

I don’t think YABU Oldwoman70. I think it’s a sign of respect and good manners to make a bit of effort, especially when they wanted to take you out to eat on what was probably quite a special occasion for them.

What a very kind pair you and your friend are. How lovely that the couple appreciated you both so much that they treated you to a slap up meal.
So much kindness going on I’m sure nobody noticed who wore what.
Obviously your friend was happy as she was, as were you and the other friends and that’s what’s important.

Well it’s no biggie, but I do think it’s courteous to make a bit of an effort if someone’s being kind enough to treat you to a meal, just to show that you appreciate it (even if it is as a thank you for something you’ve done). But people have different standards when it comes to dress, and perhaps what she was already wearing was smart enough? Your hosts wouldn’t know whether she’d changed or not, I assume?

Your hosts wouldn’t know whether she’d changed or not, I assume?

I was just about to say that; perhaps they hadn't seen her earlier in the day. Without knowing what she was wearing I can't comment.

I've decided that, since lockdown, I really dislike wearing makeup and often go without. I would shower and wash my hair though!

You're both very kind and they obviously appreciated your help