Hen parties

Weddings and hen do's are out of control. But the onus is on her to say 'no, I can't afford it'.

It seems like an ever increasing spiral of showing off and keeping up. What on earth has it to do with a Hen NIGHT - i.e. one evening? I attended one that invoved a three night stay at a country house, with spa treatments costing (considerably) extra, a limousine there and back - it was just too much and I really don't think that all the participants were happy with having to pay so much or risk 'upsetting' the bride. My eldest DS felt obliged to attend a stag week in Prague - it cost him so much, and it was basically a drunken week that he didn't much enjoy and didn't feel too well throughout. These days I seem to attend more funerals than weddings so it isn't a problem now.

It’s enough expense just being a guest, we went to one recently whereby we spent a small fortune, to start with there’s a wedding present and a hotel for the night then there’s new outfits for you both as we had both grown out of the type of clothes you would wear to a wedding ? and then there’s also your drinks, I was starting to wish I hadn’t been invited ?

Thanks brazen, but my niece isn't stupid which is why she's not going to go, or have a ridiculously OTT hen party herself.

She's just having trouble getting through to the bridesmaids that she cannot afford it.

It's a waste of money she can't afford.

Dickens

I agree. The whole thing has become an industry, and yet another way to part young people from their money. It seems like every event and occasion nowadays is just jumped on by commercial outfits and turned into a tacky over the top affair.

I remember when weddings lasted a few hours and were held in the bride's hometown with a reception in a nearby hotel.
When Christenings were small family affairs with no baby showers or silly gender reveal parties beforehand.

When leaving school was celebrated by a few high jinx on the day, and sneaking into a pub for a few drinks later on. Graduations only applied to Universities.

Goodness I do sound old and I'm not even 60 yet.

It is ridiculous, but, hey, it's not up to you! if your niece is that stupid, well, it's up to her.

conversation from neice " I am sorry that i can't attend , So please let me treat you to a lunch meal to make up for it"
i suggest lunch as meal deals are usualy available and no expectation of buying an expensive dress and drinking to excess.

It has got ridiculous but I’m off to my daughters hen do in March. All very efficiently organised by her 4 bridesmaids. We were asked a budget before and I said £300 but know her mother in law to be said no budget!!! They organised this early 2021 and we’ve been paying so much a month so not been too painful!!
It’s in Edinburgh and most of us live south of Leeds - we’re actually in Kent!!
In 1978 my hen do was night out at disco with organised minibus - can’t remember food but there was plenty of drink!!!

jennymolly

I'll cut to the chase. In my opinion these over the top hen nights that cost a lot of money are unbelievably chivvy with absolutely no common sense or class.

You've said what I was reluctant to say (albeit with "chivvy" instead of chavvy )!

I honestly don't want to appear a snob - I mean each to their own and just because something doesn't appeal to me doesn't mean it's unacceptable to others.

The group of girls I saw ready for take-off at the airport some time ago were unbelievably rowdy - some almost screeching - and dressed in badly-fitted T shirts with a double entendre slogan, pink plastic hearts waving around on stalks on their heads, it was all just so, erm, un-attractive

It's an industry - and obviously a very lucrative one. And the commercialisation of the event has robbed it of any real meaning, it's just something you have to do, along with baby-showers (tho' I'm sure some can be quite nice) and then arriving to your wedding in a white 'Princess' type, horse-drawn carriage.

Once commerce gets a hold on these things, you're in trouble, because there will be ever more options and offers to induce you to spend even more money - money that probably many of these young women really cannot afford.

But even if he brideand groom can afford it, their guests often cannot.

SueDoku I think perhaps you missed the intended humour in my comment. That being the only elderly invitee, I was seeing things from my perspective of several decades ago!

I am definitely an old fashioned Gran.
Hen nights and of course stag nights,big expensive location weddings.... Surely there are better ways to spend this money. Unless they all have already bought the house, furnishings etc, I suppose. In that case, good luck to them.

Sawsage2

That's exactly what my niece has done. But the bridesmaids continued to pester her. If I was the bride I would be mortified to know my friends were being strong armed into attending a hens weekend they could not afford. I would far prefer everyone just went to a local pizza or Chinese restaurant followed by a couple of drinks in a nearby pub.
But I imagine every weekend there are many young women quietly dreading an enforced weekend of heavy drinking, late night clubbing, and expensive crafts sessions, spa treatments, kayaking lessons etc. but found it very awkward to get out of.

But someone does need to rein in these over enthusiastic bridesmaids and demanding Brides who refuse to understand that these affairs are not enjoyed by or affordable to many people.

Of course the bridesmaids are pressuring her - it means they get to fork ouyt less for their share of paying the bride's expenses. To hell with what they say - the money can be put to better use, i.e. her own wedding.

These girls should put their 'big girls pants on', if they want to go they should go, if they don't want to go they should say they can't afford it.

There's also sometimes a wide age mix at these affairs. So young bridesmaids for whom hens and weddings are still a novelty organising events that don't suit the interests or bank balances of older relatives who are paying mortgages, or creche fees or are simply past their pub crawling getting home at 4am days and don't want to go.

Josieann

I thoroughly enjoyed the hen parties in our family because it gave me the opportunity to meet "the girls" prior to the wedding. We did some fun things like jewellery making, afternoon tea and learning to mix cocktails. I think they were around £250 for 2 nights, plus travel, which seemed a sensible price.
I was surprised how many husbands were happily being left at home to look after the babies. Good on them!

I'm fascinated that no-one else seems to have been struck by the last paragraph above. Imagine if it had read
"I was surprised how many wives were happily being left at home to look after the babies. Good on them!"
Does anyone else think that 'Good on them!' would NEVER have been said about a woman looking after her own children for a weekend while her husband went to a stag party...?? ?

Yes they all have to do everything it seems. My daughter went to ibiza with all the palava for her friends hen do , marriage didn't even last two years.... ridiculous

What happened to the traditional hen party.A night at your local and a taxi to take you home.

Plus all of the ones going are pressuring the ones who cant really afford to go into going/ paying anyway- so no its not on!

Elizabeth27- thats just it though, the bride in question wasnt spending her own money though- shes getting everyone else to spend their own hard earned cash to pay for her to go! Not fair at all, and cant be expected in these hard times we are finding ourselves in, can it? Fair enough if she was paying her own way for herself, but shes not, shes blagging an expensive freebie at the expense of others.

There’s also expensive stag doos so it’s not just the ladies. My son recently went to Greece for three nights for a stag ‘party’, leaving his wife and two children at home. His wife didn’t mind at all as she’s been on a lot of hen parties where my son has been left holding the babies. Seems it’s what they do these days ?! but I don’t think anyone should be blackmailed into joining in with something they don’t want to do.

Although tbf on that show there is quite a few grooms who seem to be getting their own back by having lavish stag do's and sending brides on a cheap night out!? one once went abroad with all his mates & sent hens to bingo & they even had get their own drinks. I almost felt sorry for the hens.??

My daughters, all three now in their 30s, so the last wedding was a while back, just had -

eldest in 2006 - trip to animal farm park during the day with lovely picnic and evening meal at a friend's cafe ( optional) at £8 and £10. Lots came.

middle daughter -2009, spa treatments with just the bridesmaids, one of the bridemaids ( not a sister) was pushing for a weekend in London but my daughter said no to that.

The youngest - 2018 had an afternoon tea at a nearby hotel high up on an 'island' with an amazing view, £15 each. Lots came.

The nature of these venues meant that both mums enjoyed the activities and money was not a problem to anyone.