Hen parties

What other people spend their money on is entirely up to them, if anyone cannot afford to go then don't go.

You only have to watch 'Dont Tell The Bride' on tv to see how some of them expect it to be, (big showy dress & party& hen do) to see how disspointed some of them are at the arrangements their spouse to be has made on the money they have to allocate.

If nothing else works, then a big fat LIE will do.
"Sorry, just asked, and I can't get the time off work".

None of my offspring partook of a hen/stag party they had heard of so many expensive ones, in France and Italy and ones where the hen/stag could barely get to the wedding the next day.
One spent the evening with her soon to be in-laws and extended family. The other joined us as a family and we had a buffet. The others stayed quietly at home.
Another member of the family seemed to have a hen" week "with parties all over the place hotels and spas included a huge dinner the night before with all the wedding guests. They looked dreadful on their photos tired and hungover. They did it because it was taken out of their hands as they had attended so many others.

But that bride doesnt sound like she is 'monied' or she wouldnt want or need her friends/acquaintances to pay for her share would she?Shes just a chancer.

Yes Cossey- But the 'monied' friends probably dont even think that there might be ones who cant find that sort of money for this kind of jaunt- its just assumed that cause they can, then they all can probably.And as they want to look as good as them they go along with it.

Or even chavvy!

1summer

My poor daughter has a friend getting married in July, she is lovely girl and in the past been very supportive of my daughter. They wedding should have been in June 2020 and my daughter was sad she couldn’t go to either hen party or wedding as her baby due May 2020. Then Covid after many postponements its July. Her friend so excited my daughter can now go to both. The hen party is in a large villa in Spain for a weekend, lots of activities and a meal at a very expensive restaurant. Its costing a fortune, then the wedding is over 2 days with the wedding on a Saturday then a day of activities and bbq on the Sunday. It all seems very over the top. The only good thing is we get to have our granddaughter for a whole weekend!

Sounds dreadful! How cheap and nasty I feel for your poor DD envy you your little bundle of joy! The thing is, lots of these high cost low class bashes end I an even higher cost divorce in double quick time! They have this warped idea that a wedding is about food drink and mega presents?! Celebrating the couple's joy in sealing their love with a wedding is neither mentioned or in my opinion even considered! Sounds so trashy! À là Katy price.......

I'll cut to the chase. In my opinion these over the top hen nights that cost a lot of money are unbelievably chivvy with absolutely no common sense or class.

DS and DIL did go on a couple to the Med. I recall when unmarried young and" fancy free" ( does anyone still use that phrase) ?
Anyway, since marriage, a mortgage and all the other problems of beginning to make a life together, let alone children, they have simply said "No ".
Enough said in my view.

Hen, Stag, Baby showers, all ott these days. Spent with people who will be strangers to each other in a couple of years.

If shes not that close to them then if i was her id just say no sorry im busy that weekend organising my own wedding (she can always make up a cake tasting or dress fittings she cant miss or something if she feels she needs to make up an excuse) Like someone else said, if that brides wedding doesnt go head, then all the hens have forked out for a very pricey free good time for her for nothing, that they can probably ill afford! ?

Sorry Hen not Gem !! Need an edit button please !!

Mummer

Actually I’ve been on gem nights with very monied brides to be and I think you’re being just a tad patronising to assume that the kind of people that do this are all “working class waanabees” with no class !! Seriously ….. I just think some people enjoy this kind of thing and some don’t - personally I don’t, but I do understand why some people do. I have a wide diverse cohort of friends, some “moneyed” some not and it’s just peoples preferences to be honest.

If the bride is a 'true' friend to you she should understand that, as you will be getting married soon yourself, that it is expense you cannot afford. It shouldn't change your friendship, and don't be swayed by others telling you it will. Put on your big girl's knickers and stick with 'NO'! Good luck.

On the subject if Baby Showers I’ve been to a couple, all organised by the maternal grandmother, in families where christenings do not take place and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed them ! We all took a small baby or mother to be gift and a contribution to the food or drink It was a lot of fun and I spent the amount as I would in a new baby or christening present. Another import from our American cousins I believe !

that is crazy! How to put pressure on a marriage before it evens starts by spending so much. I just wouldn't do it, I didn't when I got married but I am quite good at dissing stupid things like this

Its not even good value either if there's still so much that they still have to pay for!

Cossy

I think a whole weekend at a spa with close friends sounds brilliant. However if it was my wedding I would have a pre-planning “meeting” to ask my friends what they thought was reasonable in both cost and length of time, give them options and plenty of notice to save

I don't think it is all close friends though. It seems to be a mix of family, a couple of old schoolfriends, colleagues and a few random friends like my niece who will only know another former housemate, and slightly knows the bride's sister.
I imagine some of these weekends away can be very awkward - people who like lots of drinking versus people who are happy with a couple of glasses of wine, people who enjoy organised activities versus people who hate them, people who love clubbing and dancing versus people who would rather stick pins in their eyes.
And I do think the extroverts tend to dominate and make the quieter peop feel like wet blankets if they're not up for everything, downing lots of drinks, happy to dance until dawn etc.

My ‘hen’ night in 1972 was a night out with girl friends at Cinderella nightclub in Leeds, when Pete Stringfellow was the DJ. None of DSs or DiL have done anything more than a nice meal with friends.

Absolutely not! You're right! This is getting well beyond a very unfunny joke! Who DO these wannabe bridezillas think they are? They're not footballer's wives/A Listers/the Richy rich listers.theyre working class (usually) lower earners( moneyed types simply don't spend!) And to expect their mates, some of them 'tenuous mates' to stump up on what in reality will be a mega hangover is selfish and ridiculous.the young lady in question does not need a so called friend like that either, I would politely decline on the grounds that I'd be busy nailing something sensitive to a pavement somewhere on that weekend............

Flaming cheek of that grasping bride! We used to just have a 'good night out' where we come from(north) even in my DD generation- a meal out maybe, a bit of a 'pub crawl' then on to a night club.taxis home.(a lá Gavin & Stacey)?. A few wanting to 'splash out' booked a limo or some such to take them place to place.There was a 'kitty' for drinks or we bought in rounds- or we all treat bride to drinks /meal- but nothing as grabbing & greedy as what the brides are demanding these days- yes of course they all want her to go- the bride will so shes getting it all free & paid for, and the other hens because the more of them go the less the ones who are going will have to fork out between them to pay for the grasping bride!! She needs to say no- as shes her own wedding to pay for! Id tell that greedy bride if she wants a spa etc she will have to bl**dy well pay for it herself! These dont sound like nice friends anyway, so she would hardly miss them at her own hen party or wedding! (And its less costs then for her own wedding!) ?

I was telling my daughter the other day. We used to just have a few drinks together locally or at home. She’s been invited to three in one year where people have expected everyone to pay for a two or more day stay somewhere with added activities all costing in the hundreds. She had to say she was already booked for the last i]one because of the cost. It’s unfair, especially when people want to celebrate and may even feel obliged. Just another aspect of the wedding ‘industry’ we now have. Parents still paying for weddings sometimes after the couple has divorced!

Keeping up with the Jones... A current version. I suppose the wealthy instagrammers set the bar high. It is ridiculous.

Some of these hen weekends really don't take into account the girls who are invited , either on a financial or interest level. We were in the Lake District last weekend. While walking round Derwentwater we passed a group of girls , obviously on a hen weekend (they had badges on). One of the girls was wearing a loose, baggy crop top, matching loose wide legged trousers and what looked like brand new trainers. All absolutely pristine white. She was obviously totally out of her depth and comfort zone. Needless to say, she didn't look happy. I really felt quite sorry for her.