Difficult Neighbour Causing Me Distress

Can you also get a camera for your car - very modestly priced these days Halfrods/Amazon/Aldi etc.
Since putting one in my vehicle, even when it’s switched off and parked - it seems to act as a good deterrent if people think they are being “filmed”. Quite easy to unpack, plug in and go too.

Yesterday a friend showed me a £35 camera in her bedroom windowsill - again just plug in and go.

Can you join forces with the other single ladies, meet for coffee and agree a strategy to help each other? I.e. call one or preferably more to cisit you - when the man appears?

Lastly, this is what I do, encourage any male friends/other husbands/family etc to call round often, different cars, different people and at random times (borrowing things from me) I find it just helps to “be seen” with other people in your personal space and may put the man off.

And yes, the PCSO suggestion is a good one, especially if they have a visibility and can be “seen” in your area.

Do you have Neighbourhood Watch or a Facebook Page for your street maybe?

I dont open the door to anyone without an appointment unless they are delivering. Most of the delivery people now use tracking so you know what day they are coming.

There is a certain satisfaction (especially in this cold weather) seeing someone you dont want to interact with standing out in the wind and wet and knocking on your door. I dont drive so they have no way of knowing whether Im at home or not (no car).

Apart from any camera you may have( and check the law in your area, you have to be careful what it's filming). Keep a written diary of all incidents, times, places, names, dates etc, with as much detail as you can. Do not open your door to anyone you don't know. Make your family, friends and visitors aware of the situation and if any of them are due to visit, get them to text/call you to let you know when they are coming. You can also call certain authorities anonymously and explain whats going on. If this is becoming aggressive or frightening definitely inform police so that they have a note of it, but explain to them you don't want the behaviour to escalate. They will advise you what to do. It sounds like you need help/support. Im not so sure it's dementia, some people are just thoroughly nasty pieces of work. Just go about your day as best you can, always have an excuse prepared if you want to get away. Lie if needed, got an appointment, visitor or workmen coming. Be very vague about things.

I would suggest that in addition to security cameras, I'd put a front and rear dash cam in the car, choose one with night vision and with the widest possible angles of sight. These can be triggered when someone approaches the car from almost any angle and recording will commence. This will be useful if your car is targeted again as it will provide evidence of who the perpetrator is.

After many years managing customer and client groups I have a well prectised "edge" to my voice when I want to end a conversation and put the other in their place. And some of the mumsnet phrases are real conversation stoppers, uttered in the right voice.

"That doesnt work for me so Ill leave it with you."

"I wasnt put on the earth to service you!"

More polite than saying F off but meaning the same thing.

There is nothing like walking away or pressing the off button (on the phone) to get rid of a whinger.

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Reminds me of the two elderly sisters who lived next door to my Mum and were really awful. One of them died suddenly. Guess who the other one called straight away. Lucky for her my Mum would always help anyone.

It saddens me that people have to be so hostile, surely much has to be said for "live and let live".

I have also lived in places under similar circumstances as the OP; there was an elderly lady living on the same landing - four upper flats in total on the same level - and she was positively evil. However, she soon came around to being nice one Saturday morning when she woke up feeling really unwell; the rest of us stepped in, called her family, called 999 and she made a full recovery. Just as well we didn't turn our backs.

My advice to the OP, get a camera installed and have a personal alarm whenever you are likely to meet this awful man - he certainly does sound like a woman hater.

Yes you do have to disclose them Pammiel, regardless of whether you’ve taken them to court or reported them. I’m a retired solicitor.

Germanshepherdsmum

If you own this property, your sellers were under an obligation to disclose any problems they had had with the neighbour. But I rather doubt that you want to consider taking them to court, and I don’t see what else a solicitor could do to assist you apart from writing to the neighbour and probably making things worse. This is a matter for the police to deal with IMO.

Not sure if you need to disclose problems with neighbours to prospective buyers unless you’ve gone down official channels to try to resolve things, but I agree that something official needs to be done now - maybe a word with community policing or even a report to social services as a safeguarding issue.

? Chewy !

At my last house, all parking was on the street and it was a case of first come, first served. But one neighbour, who didn't go out to work, seemed to spend his waking hours policing the parking. He confronted anyone who "wasn't local and had no business to be here", he stood at his front door and watched as people parked up and if he happened to miss it, he went out and stuck notes on their windscreen telling them not to park there again. He just became a figure of ridicule and those of us with a more perverse sense of humour took great delight in winding him up by parking in "his spot" or pretending to be deaf when he came out shouting at us! I quite miss him!

I'm pleased to hear that you have acquired a camera to record any infiltration into your property. I'd also recommend a 'fish eye' in your door so that you can see who is ringing or knocking. I also have a sturdy chain so that I can open the door a few inches to speak to the visitor if necessary. If you have any qualms about your security your local police will advise.

There is always a parking fanatic in most areas.
Apart from that, he can speak to who he likes, and have what visitors he chooses.

I realise that I could be on "high alert" after my previous situation before coming here. That situation might not be what is likely to be assumed. It did not involve males at the fore of what was going on. I took the fact that my neighbour and friend had experienced the same things and no-one seems to be a fan of this man. My neighbour is a professional and currently. working in that profession in an NHS place. Her view being the same as mine made me think I was not wrong about this man
He won't get any reaction from me. I have mastered the dead pan facial expression. I do have a boiling point but very rarely get to that level.
There is a male relative who is constantly at this man's house so I don't know about him seeking out male company. He has been retired for over a decade.
Once I was going out for the day but using public transport. There was something that meant the car parking area had to be emptied. He asked for my car keys so that he could move my car back into position when the work was done. That was about 18 months ago. He does seem to have a fixation on parking.
I think him being a misogynist could be right. A misogynist is never going to impress me. I do not tolerate abusive men which is why my previous situation was so hard to deal with. A man would have been told instantly. Female relatives are not so easy to deal with.

Absentgrandmother, from your comments:

'All the houses are owner occupied'
and
'I can not install anything here on the common parts'

- along with mentioning a 'buzzer' I assume that you live in a flat. It's good that you have a camera and you may wish to review the security of your door and windows.

Apart from that, and reporting him - I'd ignore him completely. He's looking for a reaction - don't give him one - or display any signs that you've even noticed him - if at all possible.

As you've escaped an abusive situation, please realise that you're hyper-vigilant, on red alert - so may well be overreacting to the local 'difficult' neighbour - who probably poses no threat whatsoever to you.

If you're in the UK, check whether there's a local 'Nextdoor' forum in your area (where you can PM close neighbours). Otherwise, enjoy your new home, get on with your new life - and just ignore this man.

Make sure you have a good security system and get yourself a personal alarm so that you feel safe. It does sound as if this man does have mental health issues and dare I say it could be a misogynist. If he is retired then he is likely bored with time on his hands and lacking male companionship is seeking out the postman to talk to. Have you ever asked the postman about this?

I wonder how the neighbour would react if you asked for his advice or help on something (anything) - whether it would make him feel more important and perhaps more protective? Idk just an idea. Probably daft.

The seller of the property was a buy to let landlord and I never met him.
I probably should have taken the objection to me parking outside to view the property as a hint of what this man is really like. I thought I could cope but it looks like I can't.
I had a conversation with a neighbour last night and I was told that she had gone out to return the bins to the bin shelter and both this man and his wife came out to give her into trouble for moving the bins. Most of this conversation was on text so there is a record of this.

Lots of good advice here. Sending you lots of sympathy and good wishes. I've been in a similar situation in the past and it was a nightmare. Good luck.

If you own this property, your sellers were under an obligation to disclose any problems they had had with the neighbour. But I rather doubt that you want to consider taking them to court, and I don’t see what else a solicitor could do to assist you apart from writing to the neighbour and probably making things worse. This is a matter for the police to deal with IMO.

Perhaps you need to speak to Citizens Advice or to a solicitor?

Thanks all.
When I spoke to WA they were concerned about his wife and how she appears not to have the ability to make her own decisions. They were going out one day in their car and I was at my car, she stopped to talk to me while he got in his car. He then blew the horn and signalled for her to come. The wife was a person who was out sitting if there was any decent weather. Neighbours used to bring their own picnics and sit together outside socially distanced during the first lock down. She seemed to be acting friendly towards me. It was just after I said something about being able to recognise abuse that he changed his attitude towards me.
Maybe he is entitled to go out and speak to the postman and others but no-one else does that every single day. None of the other residents do that. His first meeting with me was on the day I first viewed the property and he said I could not park here. I recall now that he did not say that to the male estate agent who was there to show me the property. I have spoken to one lone male neighbour and he said that he is working the middle line.
This is not a council or housing association area. All the houses are owner occupied. I think this couple have been here the longest but I don't think that gives them any extra rights. Maybe they think so.
I am not going by gossip. I am going by my own experiences and the views of those I think are trustworthy.
I often wonder if I have done something wrong but other neighbours say I have not it is just him bullying as usual. It is interesting that he turned once he heard that I can see abuse a mile off. Then WA also stating that this is abusive and they are worried for the wife.
I did not need the dent to my confidence that this has caused I was only beginning to find myself after some problems.

As well as being worried about Absentgrandmother, I'm also worried about this man's wife!!
Isn't there someone who can be called to do a welfare check on her? Especially as people know him to be such a bully, and her not being allowed out alone lately!
Maybe he needs something like that to happen to let him know it can go both ways, and that he is being watched just as much as he is watching!!!

You could ask the community police person to visit and give advice. My DD did this and they came and advised doorbell ring type cameras front and back, checked her doors had 5 point locks and gave her phone numbers to contact if she was alarmed and told her to ring 999 if she thought someone was trying to enter. They also advised a padlock on the back gate. She feels safer now.

Certainly install cameras and an alarm if you don't already have them.

But a lot of what you are mentioning seems like gossip to me. Are you quite sure you and the other women living alone are not getting things out of proportion and scaring yourselves?

Yes, now I have probably offended you, sorry, but why should this man not come out of his own house and speak to the postman and other regular callers?

He has certainly no right to say he will make life difficult for anyone, but you do not seem to know whether there had been a previous quarrel.

If he has really been threatening and rude then report him to the police - they may understand what you mean, I admit that to me you are making a mountain out of a mole-hill just because this neighbour originally rudely told you not to park where you felt you had every right to park.