Sleeping around

the original post wasn't about within marriage though or even within a relationship, just the number of sexual partners

trisher

It should be remembered as well that one reason the standard of morality was imposed on women was because once they had property men wanted to make sure it went to their own children and no one else's So women were told it was unacceptable for them to have sex with anyone except the man they married. Of course some of them realised this was just nonsense and enjoyed themselves whilst others believed it. It seems this is stil the case.

... good point @trisher! - I'd forgotten about that aspect. I suppose it was part of the whole culture of male control of women's sexuality. And now that women have autonomy over their own fertility, some of these same types of men want to remove that right.

Dickens

Socksandsocks01

I'm only stating values which I live by. If others wish to sleep around that's up to them male or female. Yes I'd describe it as cheap or easy. I couldn't care a less what others think of me. I think enough of myself not to drop my knickers for fun. End of. Is that making me a hypocrite? I dont think so. Carry on.

There is nothing hypocritical in living according to your own standards of behaviour. On the contrary. So, no, it doesn't make you a hypocrite - because you are not preaching one thing and doing another..

But you are being extremely judgmental about people who don't subscribe to your values.

Dickens extremely well said.

trisher

Wow. Young women enjoy sex with men. I thought we got over that hurdle a long time ago.

trisher I couldn't have put my feelings on this better than you just did.

I try not to judge others. Though I just can't get my head around it. I feel sorry for those who when looking for love and commitment think that the answer is casual sex. But I'm no therapist either. I'd be horrified if my sons were promiscuous. People get hurt. Not everyone thinks along the same lines. I'd stay well clear of a "jack the lad" that's my stance.

I don't care what people do. But I do care when unwanted children are brought into the world as a consequence of careless actions.

It should be remembered as well that one reason the standard of morality was imposed on women was because once they had property men wanted to make sure it went to their own children and no one else's So women were told it was unacceptable for them to have sex with anyone except the man they married. Of course some of them realised this was just nonsense and enjoyed themselves whilst others believed it. It seems this is stil the case.

Socksandsocks01

I'm only stating values which I live by. If others wish to sleep around that's up to them male or female. Yes I'd describe it as cheap or easy. I couldn't care a less what others think of me. I think enough of myself not to drop my knickers for fun. End of. Is that making me a hypocrite? I dont think so. Carry on.

There is nothing hypocritical in living according to your own standards of behaviour. On the contrary. So, no, it doesn't make you a hypocrite - because you are not preaching one thing and doing another..

But you are being extremely judgmental about people who don't subscribe to your values.

I afraid I thought enough of myself to drop my knickers for fun.

More than once.

It was wonderful. It just was. That totally lost to the world feeling. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

I was brought up with, and have lived by, the same standards as you Socks. I see nothing wrong in that. I also brought my son up to respect girls and treat them well.

Socksandsocks01

I would play cards with anyone. I wouldn't have have sex with anyone I'd just met. I certainly wouldn't imagine I'd enjoy it under those circumstances. But making love and having sex is different. Perhaps that's the real difference.

I absolutely agree that making love, (which needn’t involve coitus or even touching sexual organs) and sex (which needn’t involve love) are two different things. I’m pleased to say I’ve enjoyed both.

I also have high moral standards. Too high sometimes. Ironically I fall short of my standard of tolerance ?

Isn’t it odd how people focus on sex as a measure of morality?

I'm only stating values which I live by. If others wish to sleep around that's up to them male or female. Yes I'd describe it as cheap or easy. I couldn't care a less what others think of me. I think enough of myself not to drop my knickers for fun. End of. Is that making me a hypocrite? I dont think so. Carry on.

Dickens - agreed, there is an awful lot of hypocrisy and double standards in this thread.

Socksandsocks01

Well said. I was brought up by a scrict mother and I'm pleased she taught me to have respect for myself. Personally I couldn't imagine having sex with a stranger or a man I didn't love. It cheapen everything.

So anyone who has sex without love - or with a stranger has no self-respect and is cheap?

This is Victorian morality. Mostly defined by men - who decided that there should be a certain coterie of women who they could play around with (married men, often), but their wives and daughters had to be pure and virtuous. Which is where the idea of 'self respect' comes from. They would often banish daughters who got pregnant for bringing 'shame' on the family... whilst regularly visiting their mistresses. Mistresses who were, at one time, someone else's daughters...

The hypocrisy is stunning.

JaneJudge

This thread is full of sexism and misogyny. I understand attitudes were ingrained but surely that was partly due to a lack of contraception? Women (and men) NOW HAVE ACCESS TO CONTRACEPTION oops to keep themselves sexually well and there are laws concerning consent that are much more robust than in years previously. It really is nobody else's business. No one is bringing shame to themselves or their family.

My Mother was so Victorian that even now I don't like going to the Dr for personal matters. I really don't think these old fashioned attitudes and judgement help.

Absolutely agree with every word of that!

Because the morals of those times were also detrimental to women in many ways, and a post specifically pointed out that the society we now live in was bad, I was pointing out that society back then when apparently we were all behaving ourselves (not true anyway - my grandmother had to get married because she was pregnant) had many moral failings.

Yes you're right romance books were full of sex but usually the people were "in love" with each other. Though these were novels of course.

I would play cards with anyone. I wouldn't have have sex with anyone I'd just met. I certainly wouldn't imagine I'd enjoy it under those circumstances. But making love and having sex is different. Perhaps that's the real difference.

I’m guessing this isn’t the place to bring up the dominatrix I once knew, no? ?

Exactly

So why is it morally wrong for someone to do something they enjoy with another person * Socks*. Would you say that if they were playing tennis or cards? I know people who have pulled muscles playing tennis, so there is a danger of physical damage.

Galaxy

Laughing at foul language how disgraceful. Yes how far society has fallen. We need to go back to the time when rape within marriage was legal, when the signs read no blacks no Irish, when men beating their wives was just expected. Let's go back to the moral standards of those times.

Why does wanting to adhere to some of the standards of the past mean people also want to return to racism, domestic violence etc?

That is a cheap and unfair argument.

Yes even me. But I know my partner well. I'm proud of it too. I'm old fashioned and proud of that. I have moral standards. Others have also used sarcastic remarks such as going back to the days of signs with no blacks. That's far removed from my thinking. I don't hint men nor women should sleep around. But that's their choice I prefer my lifestyle. I've never had an unwanted pregnancy or disease. And I still had contraception. Moral standards shouldn't rely on modern medication.

Weren't the mills and boons books full of sex? was it all marital?

They sometimes initiate sex whilst laughing at foul language , we have always been good at multitasking.