Gransnet forums

AIBU

Sleeping around

(183 Posts)
Beswitched Sun 06-Feb-22 10:21:17

I've just been reading an old thread on Mumsnet where posters are bragging about the number of men they've slept with. Dozens seems to be a quite normal amount, over 100 seems to be nothing extraordinary and quite a few have completely lost count. Loads of one night stands also seems to be taken for granted.
AIBU to be quite shocked at this? If I saw a thread with young men boasting in a similar manner I'd think "What a bunch of creeps".

henetha Sun 06-Feb-22 10:28:05

Oh yuk! You are not being unreasonable at all. I think it's shocking that they have so little respect for their morals, and their bodies.

Sparklefizz Sun 06-Feb-22 10:29:27

Once upon a time it was said that men doubled the number of their previous partners, and women halved theirs.

EllanVannin Sun 06-Feb-22 10:32:48

All I imagine are the diseases that are spread when reading anything like this. I suppose it's my nursing years.

JaneJudge Sun 06-Feb-22 10:34:59

I don't think I could be bothered but if it's safe and consensual, it's up to other people how they live their own lives (or sex lives)

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 06-Feb-22 10:36:05

I agree with all of you and am glad I’m not on MN. If I had a daughter who behaved like that I would be very disappointed in her.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 06-Feb-22 10:36:43

I wrote that before Jane’s post appeared.

Coastpath Sun 06-Feb-22 10:37:10

Each to their own I suppose, but ohhh the complications, grooming and energy required. Bugger that!

Oldwoman70 Sun 06-Feb-22 10:37:38

I think the idea that sex is a loving act between two people committed to each other has long gone.

BigBertha1 Sun 06-Feb-22 10:46:49

I agree with coastpath - couldn't be bothered. I don't remember getting many offers anyway and they won't come now. grin

Blossoming Sun 06-Feb-22 10:56:42

EllanVannin yes, it makes me think yuck!

Coastpath Sun 06-Feb-22 11:00:40

Never say never BigBertha1 wink grin

Elegran Sun 06-Feb-22 11:02:14

I suspect it is part of the same attitude that thinks competitive sports are unfair and that everyone should get a prize. If they carry that into their love/sex life, then they don't keep the gold medal for the man who wins their heart, they hand it to any man who happens to be nearest when the lights go out. Then they chuck him for a more exciting prospect. No wonder so many people carry so much baggage forward into future relationships that those fail too.

No-one would claim that everyone must stick for ever to the first person their inexperienced self sleeps with, but if they have to try out a hundred before finding their life partner, then they can't be very good at the preliminary filtering process.

Coastpath Sun 06-Feb-22 11:04:29

if they have to try out a hundred before finding their life partner, then they can't be very good at the preliminary filtering process.

A bit like those people on Location Location Location who've viewed a hundred houses and still not found 'their forever home'.

Galaxy Sun 06-Feb-22 11:05:53

I think listening to some of the accounts of marriage on here I dont think anyone is an expert at the filtering process.

JaneJudge Sun 06-Feb-22 11:08:47

Or maybe people just have different attitudes to sex? Now contraception is widely available and women have choices about their own bodies - surely if it is safe and consensual, it is up to them who they choose to spend their time with and that includes sex?

Not everyone wants to find a life partner either.

It isn't just about women, sons need to be taught to have boundaries surrounding sex and consent too. That is all that is important. I know one of my single sons has had one night stands and to be honest, I am more worried about the safety aspect of it being a stranger rather than promiscuity. Of course he is mortified if I ever mention anything but I think it's better to be realistic.

I was pretty vanilla when I was younger but got myself into all sorts of inappropriate situations where I did not feel safe

Elegran Sun 06-Feb-22 11:12:51

It always seems to me that the more partners someone sleeps with, the less they value any of them as a person with a personality, and the more they are just using them to scratch an itch.

FarNorth Sun 06-Feb-22 11:15:07

Apparently, many young people accept STIs as no big deal, just something to get checked every now and again.

FarNorth Sun 06-Feb-22 11:16:30

Exactly Elegran.
And I think it's weird to want to be either of those people.

Farzanah Sun 06-Feb-22 11:27:35

I’m with EllanVannin on this, I was always scared of catching something when younger, but sexually transmitted diseases have apparently soared in older folk these days.
Things have changed along with attitudes by and to women. Sex seems to be usual on dates however short the acquaintance, and doesn’t convey any form of commitment.

Riverwalk Sun 06-Feb-22 11:36:00

Let's not pretend sleeping around is something new!

In any large group of women, particularly younger ones, there will be a sizeable proportion who sleep around.

It's nearly 50 years since I started nurse training and there were quite a few very active colleagues, as at the teacher training colleges which then were overwhelming female.

Nothing new under the sun.

Purplepixie Sun 06-Feb-22 11:40:16

I couldn’t be bothered with it when I was young and certainly not now. Oh I feel a headache coming on!

Has anyone watched Silent Witness? Honestly they seemed to hop into bed with the first thing with a pulse! Again, where are my paracetamols?

trisher Sun 06-Feb-22 11:43:21

Wow. Young women enjoy sex with men. I thought we got over that hurdle a long time ago.

BlueBelle Sun 06-Feb-22 11:48:30

Exactly riverwalk hasnt this always been normal look at the very sexual period dramas and go further back to the Roman orgies
When I was a young woman there was a lot of wife swapping and keys on the table business

Surely most of us have had more than one or two partners

Is it normal to only have one life partner, nice if it suits and you find that one and stay with them through thick and thin but not everyone is that lucky and surely it’s only religion that keeps you to one only

Dickens Sun 06-Feb-22 11:50:55

Beswitched

'AIBU' is possibly not the right question! But in light of your observation about men bragging in the same way - no, you're not being 'unreasonable' IMO.

Our generation were brought up differently - quite differently - and as the world evolves, times change, and women have become more emancipated, it is inevitable that we are liberated from the constraints imposed on us - mainly by men.

I'm not going to judge these MNetters - with the usual proviso that if it's consensual, well - it's none of my business basically.

What I don't understand or condone is the need to brag about the number of conquests! Let's be honest, there will always be willing 'takers' if sex is on offer - so it's not really an achievement is it! I mean, how difficult is it to tot-up the number of encounters, I would think 90% of women could manage a big score if they had the time and inclination!

When men do this (I assume they still do brag) we usually dismiss them as misogynists - or men who need to grow-up a bit. So why do women feel the need to boast about the number of partners / one-night stands? To me, it just isn't a very adult way to behave.

The sad fact is that some men will still judge women on the basis of the numbers of partners they've had - and so will other women. Look at the way the media takes sly digs at women like Katie Price and various other female models / celebrities... and then read the judgmental comments from both men and women, condemning them (sometimes in quite vulgar terminology) for the number of partners they've 'got through'.

I think both men and women should stop bragging about their conquest score, it's 'naff' and immature. Freedom and liberation is something to enjoy - it's not a competition!