Sleeping around

I am a little bit younger, I think (though not by much), but it’s just something that’s never really made sense to me. I had a strict convent education where it was really hammered home though, and the self respect thing was definitely reinforced by my Mum.

Then again, I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women and that would definitely have been looked down on, so maybe it gave me a different perspective?

It’s not necessarily something I would choose to do if I was single now (not that I’d be overwhelmed with offers!) I just don’t really understand how what people choose to do with their bodies means they don’t care about themselves.

Surely it’s better to enjoy pleasure if that’s what you like than cut yourself off from it because you feel it’s dirty or should only be enjoyed in a relationship?

I’m not trying to be obstreperous, and maybe it’s an autistic thing, but it’s something I find fascinating because I can’t make the two things match up in my head.

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

No, seriously. What is it about casual sex that means you don’t respect yourself? I genuinely cannot see the correlation.

Personally, my self respect comes from the fact that I’m a good friend, I work hard and I’m ambitious and I’m good at prioritising my happiness vs my obligations. And if that happiness came from frequent sex with people I’m not in a relationship with (instead of cross stitch and wild swimming) why would that affect it?

We don’t sacrifice anything if we have safe and consensual sex. We don’t demean ourselves. And it doesn’t mean we can’t then go on to form relationships if that’s what we want.

Zoejory

Nobody's business but those involved.

Well, the OP was about people boasting publicly on Mumsnet.

AmberSpyglass

You know self respect isn’t located in the vagina, right?

What a silly comment.

Nobody's business but those involved.

I guess if you get wasted every Saturday night and wake up with a different bloke every Sunday morning, that’s not good.
But otherwise, I can’t see the harm.

You know self respect isn’t located in the vagina, right?

I mean it's possible it might but being in a long term relationship or marriage might indicate that as well.

I suppose you can only think it shows a lack of self respect if you think that having sex with someone is somehow degrading or debases you in some way. If you think it's just having fun it shows no lack of self-respect any more than playing a game or sharing a joke does.

Why are you confused? Like a lot of people I think jumping into bed with numerous partners, including some or many you barely know, shows a lack of self respect. It's not rocket science.

Beswitched I suppose I’m confused about what it exactly you think it does say about self respect. I’m not sure what that has to do with who you sleep with?

JaneJudge Why not do both?

would you rather single women just masturbate? I feel embarrassed even asking this but the attitudes on this thread are so Victorian

AmberSpyglass

Absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple sexual partners if that’s what you want. It says nothing about self respect or respecting other people. It’s just a choice and a perfectly acceptable one, as are the multiple alternatives.

Well I suppose opinions differ. To me it says an awful lot about self respect.

Yes. They seem to do a lot in schools chatting about sex education but little on healthy moral relationships. But I'm at fault too I don't think I ever did that much chatting or sharing of thoughts with my daughter on exactly what you have described.

Absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple sexual partners if that’s what you want. It says nothing about self respect or respecting other people. It’s just a choice and a perfectly acceptable one, as are the multiple alternatives.

Gagajo

I think you misunderstand my point.

I wasn’t a virgin bride, coming up to our golden wedding this year, hopefully, but along with many of my contemporaries, I only slept with someone after quite a while, and also with someone I loved and hoped loved me. Also we respected each other, I felt he would never be bragging or gossiping about me with his mates.

The thought that my 14 year old GD might be co-erced into unsuitable photos or behaviour with potential boyfriends saddens me. Just hope she thinks more of herself than some poor girls seem bullied into.

Well I know that some girls at my training college had steady boy friends and some went through a number of men. Let's not forget that men were as wary of having full sex as girls were. They might suggest it but they probably wouldn't push it (they didn't want to father a child). So what today might be a one night stand turned into a bout of heavy petting. I went to many parties where girls met a boy and had a bit of a fumble in a dark corner.

eazybee

When I was a student, 1964-7, there were plenty of girls who 'slept' with their boyfriends, but not many one- night stands or casual pick-ups, because of the fear of becoming That Sort of Girl and more realistically, the threat of pregnancy: very limited birth control and illegal abortions.
Nowadays sexual relationships seem to be more casual but perhaps they founder earlier because the sex is unsatisfactory; a good or bad thing?

I agree with you eazybee I was a student in the late 60's early 70's. Some girls did sleep around. Some I think used the "pill" that had come along to enjoy their time with their boyfriend before going on to marry.
In an earlier post, I said my friends were not promiscuous perhaps I should have said I don't really know, they never announced and were proud of it if they were.
If they had multiple partners they did not make it common knowledge neither was it a right of passage to have had sex.
In the city where I trained one college was known since before my time as "The virgins retreat", the other "The whores on the hill", I was at the latter and we went out of our way to refute the title.

When I was a student, 1964-7, there were plenty of girls who 'slept' with their boyfriends, but not many one- night stands or casual pick-ups, because of the fear of becoming That Sort of Girl and more realistically, the threat of pregnancy: very limited birth control and illegal abortions.
Nowadays sexual relationships seem to be more casual but perhaps they founder earlier because the sex is unsatisfactory; a good or bad thing?

I know. Wouldn’t watch one if you paid me!

Germanshepherdsmum

I agree with all of you and am glad I’m not on MN. If I had a daughter who behaved like that I would be very disappointed in her.

Exactly what I think whenever these reality tv programmes come on!
As if sex isn't promoted enough, now they actively encourage different partners!!

Well, given, at least in heterosexual relationships, there is one man and one woman involved either the numbers are roughly similar or, if they're not, there must be some extremely promiscuous women out there. Or someone is lying.