Smoking in your 70s

My father smoked himself to death ! Died at 70 and my mother remained a widow for 20 years . She never smoked and was unsuccessful at getting him to stop. He always told me ," never light up" I never did. I will not forget his final year - gasping for breath with an oxygen cylinder beside him . You are in a very difficult situation and I don't know what the answer is , your daughter has a good point! My father was a good man and loved my mother but he just could not stop smoking - even for her ! Good luck. Perhaps show him the GN posts?

No smoker realises how offensive they smell no matter how often they wash or perfume them self
Smokers are in total denial as to what they are doing to themselves and others
You are in an impossible situation if you love and care for this smelly, ill man but do you love him? Neither of you sound healthy in your later years
Does he live with you? did he keep his own home What a shame as he sounds a kind man would he go to the doctor for smoking cessation help unfortunately he’s in denial and I can’t see what you can do apart from part company which is sad

Good idea from Chestnut to get him to choose, rather than you making the decision.

It looks like you'll have to give him an ultimatum, you or the cigarettes. Explain you can't live with him smoking and he has to make the choice for your health and your sanity. It's so hard, but it doesn't sound as though you can cope with such horrible surroundings.

Smoking is an addiction. My mother smoked her whole life. She was a nurse whose specialty was chest patients, so knew exactly what she was doing. Her chest rattled and she had awful ashtma attacks in the last year of her life. She died at 67 having given up smoking, finally, just a month before.

I smoked until I was 57 and when I stopped, couldn't believe how disgusting the smell is - like a bonfire you've put out with water.

Unfortunately your partner has to want to stop, but it could be that he knows the damage has been done and he feels he'd rather smoke than suffer the withdrawal symptoms. He knows the risk as he lost his brother. When my husband was diagnosed with COPD he was terrified and stopped smoking immediately.. I was also told not use any sprays/candles etc anywhere near him.

I think you either have to accept him smoking and willfully damaging his and your health, or ask him to move out.

It's up to him if he vapes (or smokes) and up to you if you find it too offensive to put up with.
I think there is no right or wrong answer, despite it being an obvious health risk to him.

Well, if he already only smokes outside, that's a big step forward.
It's an addiction, and you can only change youself, not other people. Even if you're in a loving relationship otherwise.

ps our neighbour was a heavy smoker. A lovely man. Changed to those supposedly less harmful ???forgotten the name but too late . He died last year of lung cancer.
I'm so glad a bout of 'flu helped me to stop.

Fennel - He does only smoke outside, not in the house . . . but its the smell on his clothes, hair and hands that I struggle with. His doctor told him to stop smoking 12 years ago and diagnosed him with COPD. His younger brother died of lung cancer and had COPD, so you would think that would encourage him to stop completely. He did stop for 7 years, then started smoking again nearly 3 years ago. He will tell you he only has the odd one here and there but hes smoking about 20 a day at least. He spends most of his time out in the garden, or in our sun room . . . I stay indoors as I cant bear the smell of smoke (I am an ex smoker)

Can you persuade him to only smoke outside?
I'm an ex smoker and know how hard it can be.
We live in a Close and I see a few people smoking outside.

It does not sound as though he wants to stop smoking so it is up to you as to whether you want to stay with him.

Staying because you want for nothing is not a reason to stay as there is so much else you do not like.

You cannot change somebody, he has to live his life as he wants too also.