Gransnet forums


Husband Gambling

(8 Posts)
Redhead56 Tue 12-Apr-22 10:15:17

I don’t like any form of gambling my brother was a gambler he owned nothing his life was a mess. My friend lost their home because of her father gambling. It’s compulsive and harmful I would not tolerate it in any respects. Your husband is burying his head in the sand he needs to wake up fast insist he stops or at least gets help. Don’t pussyfoot around the issue it requires direct attention.

Pammie1 Tue 12-Apr-22 09:44:11

I think there’s lots of red flags here that could be potentially dangerous to ignore, or try to deal with conservatively - he’s secretive and defensive and despite being called out on the amount he was spending, he’s still doing it.

Some years ago, friends of ours went through hell with a gambling addiction. The husband started with small bets on online gambling sites unknown to his wife. She found out what was going on when she opened a bank statement and saw the debits to the site. Within a short space of time he had begun spending a lot of money - eating into disposable income in their joint account. A conversation was had and he agreed to stop. Only he didn’t. He ended up with several secret credit card accounts and used them to fund his betting until the debt became unsustainable. He eventually received counselling for his addiction but sadly it was too late to save his marriage.

What shocked us was how quickly it all spiralled out of control - the desire to gamble seemed to outweigh all other considerations and led to secretive behaviour and lying to cover up what was really going on. It can have devastating consequences and I really think you should do everything you can to make sure you know what’s going on and if it looks as though it’s getting out of control insist he gets help. A credit score account - ClearScore or something similar can be useful because you can see if any new loans or credit cards have been taken out, and the balances on them.

Susiewakie Tue 12-Apr-22 09:11:34

Hi everyone yes last time we discussed a threshold of gambling but he didn't stick to it .Hence he asked me to police the accounts but then doesn't like it when I point it out .I'm just terrified it's all going to snowball again .Of course he can spend money how he likes we both spend on going out hobbies etc .It just seems such a waste when he stopped he bought vintage signs for his garage well over £300 and said he enjoyed them more than gambling ! .Within reason he can spend what he likes we are fortunate but the secretive gambling upsets me

Harris27 Tue 12-Apr-22 09:10:51

I think it’s time to have a second account maybe a one you can put some money in for a rainy day. You say your ok him spending 17k on doing a car up yet your worried about him spending on a gambling site? I’m not an advocate of gambling I only do the lottery but he’s still spending an awful lot of money.

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 12-Apr-22 09:04:31

The only way that separate Bank accounts will work is if they are all in your name and your husband also has his own Bank accounts. Even a joint account is at risk of being plundered.

A family member was involved with a gambler, he left us with a trail debts after she had shown him the door, it was a nightmare, the lies he told you wouldn’t believe.

Have you checked your Credit Score? You can see if he’s applied for any loans,

I hope you can separate your finances, if he has a problem there is little else you can do to protect yourself and your home.

Franbern Tue 12-Apr-22 09:02:21

Surely, everyone is entitled to have spending money - provided they can afford to do so.

Obviously, not encouraging anyone to become an addict at anything - but I do think I might become rather annoyed if my partner queried a spend of nine pounds - (obviously able to afforded as there was no problem with a spend of seventeen grand!!!

susie, do you not have spending money from that account? Okay, you feel that money spent on those sites are a waste, and you are correct, but many people purchase items that other people may see as a waste of money.

If he gets some sort of enjoyment from these sites, then perhaps discuss with him an amount of money to be spent there each month and he must keep within that limit!!!!

Esspee Tue 12-Apr-22 08:49:51

Time to have separate accounts.
Keep the present one which presumably all income goes into and you take control of it. Decide on equal spending money per month for each of you to be paid into individual accounts to cover personal expenses e.g. clothes, hobbies, outings with friends.
He is allowed to gamble with his money.

This can be presented as you don’t want to nag him so you will ensure bills are paid and run the main account. He will be able to see how much he is frittering away. It is or may become an addiction. Nip it in the bud.

Would that work?

Susiewakie Tue 12-Apr-22 08:39:57

Morning AIBU I noticed a few months back lots of little transactions on the bank account .Turned out lots of online game transactions innocent enough but over the month reached a total of £240! When I pointed out to DH the amount he was shocked promised to stop .He bought a car to restore and said wouldn't gamble would spend money on car .I was ok with him spending 17k on the car etc. But today I noticed £8.99 to same site I'm really annoyed might as well burn the money he never wins .He says it's harmless and won't discuss it .I'm so upset as what else has he broken promises for ? He is a secretive person there have been incidents over the last 26 years but he goes defensive and won't discuss it me ?