Am I being a grinch?

Well done craftycrochet stick to your guns!
They'll soon get the message.

Oh sorry just saw your post OP, hope that does it for you, maybe for now at least, but keep reiterating that until they get the message. You shouldn't feel guilty about a situation that evolved into something else because you were being kind in the first place.

Certainly not a grinch. Most people, especially when they are working, want to unwind and have some peace and quiet in their own home. How is your garden so easily accessible to neighbour's children, what's the configuration of boundaries. fences and gates can they be made more secure? I don't think it would be unreasonable to have a chat in a non confrontational way with the parents and just say what you've said here and how not having down time alone in your garden, gardens are often sanctuaries, is causing you stress. It certainly isn't unreasonable to ask that they make sure that their children don't go into your garden when you aren't there. Obviously you want good relations with those neighbours but not on the basis that they take advantage of your good nature.

Good luck hope you sort it out.

Some sound advice already, but why can't the OP approach the other parents and work out a rota for having all the children in everyone's gardens? Why is it always the OP garden?

As for treats, ice creams, biscuits.... ...I would put a stop to that straight away, seems to me that the OP is being taking for a fool on that score.

Make it clear that playing in your garden when you're not there is not allowed - this is actually trespass if you wanted to take things seriously - but no one wants to fall out with the neighbours do they?

This also seems like a case of "out of sight, out of mind' for the other parents. They know their children are on your garden and expect you to be looking after them and entertaining them.

Good for you! Show your boundaries and stick to them, don’t backdown because they will not respect you next time.

Well... I finally did it! Before I explain, I know my hubby sounds like he's from the 50s haha but I think it is stress talk to be honest. The other kids are between 6 and maybe 12? I'm not completely sure but some of them are siblings so they'd be older.

So they knocked on my door.. It was nearly 8pm! And they asked if my child was coming out to play I said not now, no. Then they asked if they and everyone else could come and play in my garden then, and I said no, absolutely not. I do not want anyone in my garden unless my son is out there as well. I explained if you want to play with the other neighbours then you'll have to go into their garden or ask them to go in yours. She said OK then and went back over. Whether they'll listen, I don't know.

I did feel so guilty but I didn't say it in a nasty way. This is why I let them get away with it in the first place but its not happening anymore. Its my garden, not a playground for everyone to just help themselves in.

Just tell them to clear off. A terse out, should do it. Where are their parents? I would be speaking to them as well.
I would not give them drinks either. I would not let kids spoil where I live, and I would not encourage them either. Dont move just be firm with them. Their parents are happy because they are out of their hair.

You’re definitely not a gringe I too would feel aggrieved if my garden was turned into a playground stand your ground keep to a couple of kids at any one time
be ruthless get them telt ????

This so reminds me of when my children were young... The local children all came to our house to play. They were well behaved though and went home when I told them to. I think you have to talk to the parents as the children are ignoring you. It will be difficult but will be easier after the first one. The wouldn't like their gardens damaged of children trailing through their houses to the loo all the time. You are presuming that they won't understand but if explained politely I am sure they will understand. Maybe suggest it is ok once a week as long as the children play nicely and don't damage your plants.

You are not being a grinch. Your home is being invaded inappropriately.

Good fences make good neighbors.

Seabear

*my husband also said that I need to tell them enough is enough. When he gets home he wants peace and quiet*

This sounds like something from the 1950s. Why is your husband not dealing with it himself it if it bothers him so much?

That's just what I thought.
I would of thought the children would take more notice of a man.
I had similar experiences when mine were children. We had a big climbing frame in the back garden which attracted all the kids in the village I think.
I felt just like you do and I was a divorced parent so put it with it on my own although the children were older than five years.
I used to dish out the 'ice poles' drinks, use of the toilet. but at least they went home when it was meal times or if I was going out.
I used to chew it over to myself thinking I've got it all every day while their parents are having some peace.
A fence if you haven't got one and a bolted gate would be a good idea or else you will have a host of children round for a good few years yet.
Husband needs to put his foot down with them.

Another teacher method is to say ‘thank you’ rather than ‘please’ at the end of your request. This makes it an instruction rather than a request (which can be ignored). Eg Time to go now - thank you, rather Time to go, please. But thank you needs to be said firmly, not sweetly.
I agree with the other poster that the husband shouldn’t be passing the buck if it’s bothering him, but you both need to ‘grow a pair’ and let them see yu as a united front. Children will run you ragged if you let them. Won’t respect you until you set the boundaries which they do appreciate. Just one more thing, they have to be your boundaries - we all have different limits as seen in all the responses here.
Good luck.

You've turned your garden and home into a playpark by the sounds of it. Speak with your daughter and tell her only two friends are allowed at a time/day. When the rabble turns up just select the first two and say sorry, too much mess, noise and damage when more than two and that's the rule. They'll soon get fed up being turned awa. Does your area have a local Facebook page? Perhaps post some pictures of damage caused when you weren't even there and inform all of rules. Bet no one else volunteers to take all the kids everyday.

We had a swimming pool so if kids came we had to. Life guard too, OK if we had time but if not we would send them to get a parent, also used to hang a sign on the gate if we wanted some peace saying sorry no swimming today

Oh dear! I think that you need to stick to your guns and start saying no.
Either that or present the kids parents with a bill for the drinks, icecreams etc!
I would suggest that you speak to the parents and just calmly explain that while you love the fact that they come to play with your child, this treating your garden like a play park with cafe included has to stop and in no way are they allowed in your garden at any time if you are not there - it's good manners at the very least for the children to knock and ask if they can come onto your property- if you don't want them there, say so ! Or send your husband to the door - doubt if he will just say yes !

There is a saying that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions! Time to call it a day and put a lock on the gate. Children coming to play will be by invitation only from now on. You can do this!

My old aunt always said "Starting doing something nice for others is easy, it is the stopping it that is hard".

How right she was.

In hindsight, you should never have started handing out lollies and the like.

Now, you can try telling the children that they are not to come and play in your garden any more, but I am afraid you will need to have a word with their parents too.

Explain politely, that you didn't realise what you were getting yourself into - you were just happy your child had others to play with.

But now, both you and your husband are finding that your time is not your own, whether on weekdays when you come home from work, or at the weekends, so will they have a word with their children and explain that it is time they all find somewhere else to play?

I hope you get this sorted out without hard feelings in the neighbourhood. You are not being unreasonable here, but the other parents are obviously happy that you are providing them with free child-care, so there may be some sour looks.

Stick to your guns here, firmly and politely.

What kind of parents are allowing their kids to trample all over your garden while you’re out, they must be aware of this surely. It’s one thing having a few of them round to play as long as they go home when your child comes in. I’m afraid I’d be adopting my tyrant of a junior school teachers voice (that would scare them all to death).
If they think there’s ice cream & drinks etc on offer you’ll never get rid!! Put a stop to it now, even if it means your own child has no one to play with just for a little while. They sound very disrespectful & cheeky, I’d have really lost patience by now.

I’m slightly puzzled. You say your child is only 5 years old, so are the other children a similar age? If so, are their parents not:

a) checking where their children are?
b) confirming you permit them to be in your garden?
c) agreeing times for their children to stay out/ come home?
d) giving guidance re: snacks/drinks etc?
e) offering to take turns hosting the children’s play time?

My 5 year old grandchild has a meal at about 5pm followed by quiet play, bath, story time and bed, pretty much as his older cousins did at that age.

I don’t think you should say no because then you are punishing your own child but you need to be firm that they go home when your child comes in and no one comes into your garden when you are not there or you will be speaking to their parents
You also need them To know you are disappointed that they are not looking after your garden and next time there’s a mess they can clear it up have a competition to see who can pick the most rubbish up
You have to set the rules ( in a kind way)
You don’t have to dish out lollies drinks etc explain to your child that you haven’t got enough money for everyone
One biscuit or one drink of water if asked

I used to be the ‘go to’ house that everyone went to and yes I did give them a biscuit or a drink but nothing more
I did like knowing where my kids were so didn’t mind and most of them were lovely kids I enjoyed having them in the garden or house (one or at most two) not a whole crowd at a time

Set rules but kind rules youre the adult

I fell into this same trap when my own kids were small we lived in a village and our garden became a sort of hang out for half the kids in the village. My DD was not allowed to roam the village but other kids parents seemed more laissez faire! I too used to hand out snacks and drinks and 3 kids used to stay to dinner! In the end we went to see their parents and explained that while we were happy for play dates we didnt want open house! I think I had a romanticised view of country life!

my husband also said that I need to tell them enough is enough. When he gets home he wants peace and quiet

This sounds like something from the 1950s. Why is your husband not dealing with it himself it if it bothers him so much?

When you have been a teacher/lecturer you develop an "edge" to your voice whereby you are instructing (rather than requesting) people to do things. I use it sometimes when I think people are taking the pi** or trying to get a free lunch.

Unfortunately you have allowed things to slide.

Time to have a frank talk with the parents of these children about respecting your property and boundaries.

You need to have a script - GagaJo’s lines are perfect.

Keep repeating the same line every time they appear.

Definitely no drinks and no use of your toilet. They can go home for both.

Send them home every time your son is going indoors.

Be the adult here, but keep it pleasant and do not waiver. They will learn your rules. Consistency is important so make no exceptions to your rules.