Old woman!

The young woman (not girl!) at the cafe till had possibly been instructed to ask whether customers were of pensionable age to ascertain whether they were eligible for a discount. She made a mistake.

I was somewhere over 60 when I was on my way home after a tiring day at the chalk face. Three young men of about 15 were playing football across the road. As I approached one picked up the ball and called to the other two ‘Make way for the elderly!’ - I thanked them and passed on. I was far more surprised at and grateful for their courtesy than concerned that I had been described as ‘elderly’ for the first time in my life.
Twenty years later when making my way through a crowd I occasionally call out ‘Little old lady coming through!’ To clear a passage.

I suppose it's no worse than asking someone when the baby is due when they are infact just fat.
However I think everyone knows that describing someone as old is not a compliment. So I am sorry you had to endure that KirkC
I was swimming in the pool with DD when she was about 10. Another child asked me if she could swim with my granddaughter! I was mid 40s at the time so old enough to be a granny but I hoped I looked younger!

It wasn't the shops fault though, just a rude cleaner.

I would've taken my custom elsewhere. How rude!

How charming some people do not know common courtesy let alone customer service skills. I remember going to Morrisons cafe and being at the till with a tray full of food for our auntie and myself. I was only 50 and the girl asked if me if I was a pensioner I was mortified. I slammed the tray down and said I didn’t go there to be insulted so we would go elsewhere.
I suggested her career won’t go any further as she lacked the ability to gauge peoples age. I know it’s sounded hard but I was menopausal and feeling super sensitive at the time.

It was extremely rude. If you had been a younger woman, whould she have said 'There's someone at the till, a young woman'

In this situation she should just have said. 'Customer at the till, waitin to be served'

I remember being horrified a few weeks after I was married ( I was 21) when a young lad in the Co-op said to his colleague, “ I’m just serving this wumman’! Me, a ‘wumman’!
I think ‘lady’ would be preferable. Unless you’re a gentleman, of course.

there's someone at the till

That was quite sufficient to alert someone to the fact that someone needed to be served.

How very rude! And upsetting. She should have said, There's a lady waiting to be served. Age had no relevance.
I also hate when I am at a till and the assistant says, do you need a wee bag?& put your wee card in, etc. They only do it with older ladies.

Maybe the cleaner thought KirC would get served sooner if she mentioned the air of oldness. Who knows?

As the OP said, "that's how others see us". This could be because that is how we are: old, as opposed to young.

Shrug.

Dickens

Baggs

It suggests that there's something wrong with being old, or looking old.

There isn't.

You really can't see it can you!

Apart from the fact that ageism is quite rife in the UK - try the job market if you want proof (and I don't mean being a waitress in Waitrose's coffee shop) - it's irrelevant.

As is "there's someone at the till, a black man". Factual - if he was indeed black... but would she have said that, and would you be defending her for it? And why would it be relevant?

If kircubbin2000 had looked frail - the cleaner should have said "there's an elderly lady waiting to be served"... to add urgency to the information.

Words matter. They are meant to. It's to do with respect for others.

I like the comment doodledog made about how it is done on Question Time. That is good.

All I'm saying is that I don't see being called an old woman as insulting in any way if one is an old woman as opposed to a young woman.

I agree that "woman" or person would have been sufficient but no, I don't accept that old woman or old man is wrong.

Baggs

It suggests that there's something wrong with being old, or looking old.

There isn't.

You really can't see it can you!

Apart from the fact that ageism is quite rife in the UK - try the job market if you want proof (and I don't mean being a waitress in Waitrose's coffee shop) - it's irrelevant.

As is "there's someone at the till, a black man". Factual - if he was indeed black... but would she have said that, and would you be defending her for it? And why would it be relevant?

If kircubbin2000 had looked frail - the cleaner should have said "there's an elderly lady waiting to be served"... to add urgency to the information.

Words matter. They are meant to. It's to do with respect for others.

You could have asked whether they would be there faster or slower for an old woman than they would for a young man? Or a fat woman or a bald man? Or whether all customers were equally valued? And if they were all equal, why bother to point out your age?

It suggests that there's something wrong with being old, or looking old.

There isn't.

I think it is ageist to object to apparent age being noticed.

Hithere

This is the thing: people cannot read your mind how you feel age wise in your brain

I am middle aged but my brain feels like 20 years younger - it doesnt match my exterior and I had to accept it.

I know that my brain is the same age as the rest of me, and the last twenty years have added to my brain rather than diminished it. It is the brain of someone with that much more experience. I suggest this is the same for everyone.

Germanshepherdsmum

My Mum was very ill in hospital and sleeping most of the time. Another patient’s visitor referred to her as ‘that old woman over there’. I went over and very politely (I am a lady) but firmly told him that ‘that old woman’ was my very sick mother. Not another sound from him.

But if your mother was that old woman over there why is it wrong to refer to her so? It would only be wrong in my estimation if some actual insult were added too.

This is the thing: people cannot read your mind how you feel age wise in your brain

I am middle aged but my brain feels like 20 years younger - it doesnt match my exterior and I had to accept it.

You could always shock 'em by turning around and saying 'F off with your old!'

I wouldn't myself, but I'd wish I had.

Doodledog

So is 'There's a fat bloke with bad breath and a funny hat at the till', but nobody old say that, would they?

Why not? Because there are things about all of us that may be true but we don't need pointing out. It's about not making people feel bad, is all. (And yes, I know that not everybody sees old age as something that makes them feel bad; but none of us can possibly know who does and who doesn't, so good manners dictates that personal comments are not polite.)

What is wrong/insulting/abusive about being thought old?

People have no control over their age. They do have control over fatness, bad breath and funny hats.

Hithere

It is about the implied significance you are to a word

What if they had said " there's someone at the till, an young / middle aged / blonde/ etc woman/man'" - would that offend anybody

I guess it depends on whether the young/middle aged/blonde etc woman/man was sensitive about the aspect of themselves that the speaker took it upon themselves to choose as an identifier, and good manners dictate that that is not for them (the speaker) to do.

If it were a Question Time audience scenario, and an individual needed to be pointed out in a crowd, it would always be something impersonal that was chosen to do so - 'The woman in the red top' or 'the man in the blue tie'. Fiona Bruce would never say 'the bald man with a big nose', or 'the old dear with the blue rinse', would she?

I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue Gongoozler I would have have replied in a similar way. Some staff training should be in order I think.

My Mum was very ill in hospital and sleeping most of the time. Another patient’s visitor referred to her as ‘that old woman over there’. I went over and very politely (I am a lady) but firmly told him that ‘that old woman’ was my very sick mother. Not another sound from him.

Surely you’d expect anyone to say ‘there s a lady at the till’ not there’s ‘a fat lady at the till’ ‘a skinny lady at the till’ or ‘an ugly lady at the till’ There’s simply no need to describe her

I m late 70 s and do not consider I m old I don’t feel old and don’t need that added on to any description of me thanks
I m not denying my age just find it totally unnecessary you could say ‘a lady in a blue coat’ if you needed to define your observation