Slightly off-piste here, but the other day I came across a letter of complaint I addressed to Stuart Rose many years ago, when he was running M&S. Such epistles are known in our family as "Snottagrams", and I thought it might amuse you to read it. Certain details have been redacted to protect the guilty..
Dear Mr Rose,
I write to you, I suppose, as a grumpy old so-and-so, as I see an institution that I and my family have patronised for many years appearing to be on an inexorable slide towards mediocrity . This was brought home to me some days ago, when I visited your XXXXX branch after work.
About 7 pm I entered the store, some two hours before closing time. The first thing that caught my eye was the amount of litter strewn around the floor near the entrance: empty crisp packets, Burger King wrappers, styrofoam cups etc, lying unheeded below the clothes racks. Two members of staff and a security guard were happily going about their business amongst this debris. It would have taken them only a moment to tidy the place up, but they appeared quite oblivious to the poor impression being presented.
I went upstairs to look at the clothing. I was surprised to hear pop music playing; not something I associate with M&S, and not something I particularly like in shops. The source was a portable CD player, plugged into the mains but sitting on the floor. Is this a new trend? I hope not. As usual, not a single item from your new ranges appealed...
Downstairs to buy some food. I chose a mixed salad, and went to get a plastic fork. There were three large baskets: two overflowing with plastic knives and teaspoons respectively; the "fork" basket bare – as it always is by 7 pm. I asked an assistant if there were any more forks available. "Don't know – but they'll be filled up overnight". Not a lot of help to me. There were three checkouts open, three young men at the tills, but only one pen amongst them for those not paying cash, and none of them with the gumption to get some more. I was eventually served by a cheerful lad – no namebadge – whose lack of fillings to his lower set of decaying molars I was able to admire as he chewed his gum open-mouthed, switching it from one side to another on the tip of his tongue, with a pause in the middle when he projected it right out of his mouth for my inspection…..
Please, please, please get a grip.
Yours sincerely,
Bodach