Parents deliberately winding up children

Walking through town after the shops had long shut, a few months ago, a father was encouraging his daughter (12ish?) to scream as loud as she could. Fortunately I was walking in the opposite direction, but I could hear this going on for 5 minutes, I could still hear her when she was perhaps 500m away?

Chewbacca

Good points raised in your post @ 19.24 Musicgirl I agree with you.

Me too. ?

Yes it's about time and place. Loud shouty fun with your children is fine in your own home and the playground, but not in a restaurant where it impacts on others.
Or indeed at bedtime.

When I taught a reception class many years ago the headmaster used to come in to my classroom and wind up my previously settled children . He probably thought this was great fun but not for me when I had the job of settling them again. I find men like to wind children up whereas women have more sense! I love to hear children enjoying a bit of fun but there is a time and place for everything.

Good points raised in your post @ 19.24 Musicgirl I agree with you.

When my sons were little, 3 and 4 years old, we started going out for Sunday dinner, once a month at quite a posh hotel. The boys knew that this was a treat and always happily coloured in or did puzzles while they waited for their meals to arrive. They always went up to thank the serving staff as we were leaving and were a pleasure to take anywhere. They knew that if they misbehaved they wouldn't get a treat next time. One evening were having our meal when another group of visitors came in and their children ran along the couches constantly, the adults just ignored them. After a few minutes my older boy, who was probably about 6, said very loudly "mummy, why are those children being so naughty? You're not meant to run on the seats". We were mortified but on the way out the staff thanked him and told us some parents just let their children wander around the room, doing whatever they wanted to do. Staff were always worried they would spill something hot on a small child but some parents seemed to delight in winding their children up and ruining other folks evenings.

*over the top laughter, not overweight. Dylant’s use of the word hysteria was very apt in this instance.

I like children. I have three of my own and have taught music to children (and adults) for the best part of forty years. However, when I am out for a meal or on holiday, I have spent well earned money and am with family or friends. I don’t appreciate other people, especially other people’s children, being so loud that it encroaches on my enjoyment. I have a hearing problem so this is exacerbated by this. At the moment, I have a permanent ear infection and ruptured eardrum so screeching and loud, high-pitched noises really hurt my ear. No one wants to go back to the days of seen but not heard but children and far too many adults, it seems, need to learn that there is a time and a place to let off steam. This is something I instilled in my own children from an early age, including my oldest son, who is autistic and disabled enough to need a special school. When in restaurants, in common with many others, we would take colouring books and crayons. All children need to learn the difference between indoor voices and outdoor voices and parents need to learn that while their children are rightly the centre of their worlds, they are not the centre of everybody else’s world. The same with some dog owners. The back garden and playgrounds are a different matter altogether and there is nothing nicer than to see children running around and enjoying themselves. I enjoy walking the dog past our local primary school when they are having their dinner break and I love watching the children enjoying themselves.
I do think there is a big difference between interacting with a child and being over the top with them, goading them into shrieking and overweight the top laughter. The tears before bedtime saying is very true.

Hithere, the term winding up can also mean provoking children to over the top, over loud behaviour in the UK. Also, while the father was playing with his child, he was winding them up in this sense as well as winding up other diners in the restaurant to annoyance by his behaviour.

I guarantee everyone onthis thread has annoyed someone at some point.

Btw, when did the share options appear, i was an accidental tap away from posting this to facebook

I thought the meaning of winding up is dissolving a business or do or say something to annoy somebody on purpose

This father was playing with his child, not annoying the child

Actually Dylant we knew someone just like that who only interacted with his children when he had an audience.

Sometimes when it’s so exaggerated and insensitive like that I think the father is just showing off for the benefit of onlookers and that in private he probably doesn’t bother half as much. I feel mean thinking this but it’s just my gut reaction when it’s on the verge of hysteria.

coastalgran

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

Yes this is why we were going to mention it to staff. We couldn't be sure, if we spoke directly to him, that we wouldn't either be told to F off, or subjected to indignant or dirty looks for the rest of our meal.

Some parents think that what is adorable behavior at home should be equally adorable to strangers trying to enjoy a quiet meal. Learning how to behave in public should begin early.

I totally empathise with you OP. Ignore all the snide remarks. They’re obviously coming from the same people that think their off spring are as incredibly fascinating to everyone else as they are to them. Self absorbed and inconsiderate of everyone else within earshot. Heaven forbid a child isn’t allowed to run riot and emit ear piercing screams to the amusement (not) of all and sundry.

Judging by some of the responses on here anyone would think you were advocating infantacide.

AussieNanna

I think you are over reacting OP.

A father was having fun with his toddler, didn't realise the noise was getting too loud for others, somebody politely asked him to stop and he did so.

We often say to children ' use your words' - meaning speak up or ask if you want something.
Same goes for adults.
I think you could have done this sooner if it was a problem for you.

Just politely ask the other person to stop. No need to speak to staff - speak directly to the person.

Is only a problem if he then does not stop- but he immediately did, so problem solved
Probably could have been solved sooner if you asked him yourself.

Seems reasonable

Love it magic!

Oh joy, the entitled parent who ignores everyone else in order to have what they consider to be a good time instead of playing quietly with their child, for them it has to be look at us isn't my child wonderful. By all means be proud of your child, but for goodness sake do it quietly. The person who intervened was lucky that they met with a responsive parent and didn't get an abusive answer.

This is how to deal with it - a scene from Ricky Gervais’ ‘Afterlife: (persons who are easily offended should skip this clip).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKtUYlBcj_4

When I was about 12 and responsible for getting small children to bed an to sleep ( I was 12 in 1963) uncles and fathers were well-known for playing wild games with children just before bedtime.

Any and all women, mothers, big sisters, grandmothers aunts, nursemaids - you name us, knew better and were rutinely accused of being spoil-sports when we said it is quite impossible to get a toddler to sleep who has been allowed to ruin rampant just before bed-time.

For a while in the '70s and '80s when a lot of fathers were suddenly responsible for putting little ones to bed this kind of thing stopped to a large extent. Now it seems to have started again.

In public I feel we are all entitled to point out that playing noisy games is inconsiderate.

A&E about a month ago. L-o-n-g waiting times, kids getting bored and restless - running around, sliding on the floor and getting in the way of the staff.

One of the fathers - a young East European by the sound of his accent, gets up, corrals all the kids including his own two sons, and encourages them to run at him - he then lifts them up over his shoulders (he was a strong looking chap) and slides them down his back. The youngsters started to get a bit loud, so he corralled them again and told them they had to be quiet because there were sick people in the waiting room. They looked around nervously and then continued in what almost became a gymnastic exercise - and they responded to his demand to keep the noise down,because he explained to them (two of the kids started to "shush" the others when they thought they were making too much din)... just the odd giggle / laughter and now and again a slightly loud squeal, but all in all they were letting off steam and not irritating other people (there was a separate area in the waiting room specifically designed for children).

Top marks to the father, he was properly engaging and interacting with the kids, allowing them to burn off their natural energy. Without disturbing others.

He looked exhausted when he finally left with his family - to a round of applause from some of the patients.

I’m all for parents interacting with their children and less screen time but I see parents constantly thinking everyone is as enamoured with their children as they are. I teach children and am still doing do at 70 and when I go out for a meal I don’t need children ‘taking over’ .

I think some of these besotted parents think that we find their children as engaging as they do. I certainly don't, having had four children of my own I can just about tolerate others peoples' offspring - and that only when they're reasonably quiet.

HannahLoisLuke

GrannyGravy13

So a Father interacting with his child is wrong, maybe it was a little bit too loud, but I would rather see parent child interaction than all sat with their heads in individual devices.

Nothing wrong with interaction, but it doesn’t have to raise the roof! Doesn’t teach the child any manners or consideration either.

I said maybe it was a little bit too loud

In my opinion the main thing in the OP is that as soon as the parent was made aware of their loudness they immediately quietened down.

If they had continued being loud then there would have been something to complain about.

GrannyGravy13

So a Father interacting with his child is wrong, maybe it was a little bit too loud, but I would rather see parent child interaction than all sat with their heads in individual devices.

Nothing wrong with interaction, but it doesn’t have to raise the roof! Doesn’t teach the child any manners or consideration either.