Dressing gown all day?!

Redhead56

Earlier I was referring to people going out in public dressed in pjs and rollers as being gross lazy and unacceptable. Not people in the privacy of their own homes.

Why is it gross, lazy and unacceptable to go out in pjs and rollers? It’s not something I would choose to do, but what other people wear is really none of my business unless I have some sort of responsibility for them. Why do you have a problem with it?

This is the sort of thing I mean.

How about a screen, like the tri-fold ones that are popular these, days so that you could put it up between your work area and the rest of the room?

If she is going to wander around in a dressing gown it needs to be one that covers her properly.
I think it's OK for you to say that, or to insist she stays upstairs until she is dressed.
I don't think it's a lot to ask. You are not being unreasonable.

I think that if you find it unacceptable in your home, then you have the right to speak to her about it.

If you don’t it will niggle away at you and become a bigger problem than it needs to be.

Earlier I was referring to people going out in public dressed in pjs and rollers as being gross lazy and unacceptable. Not people in the privacy of their own homes.

I would position my lap top/computer so that it is not possible for your house guest to walk behind you.

you have to have rules! one rule should be to be dressed for the day before entering the 'living room'! and that's that.

That is interesting Peacelily as we have a UA family living with us too. Mum and Dad get dressed before they appear but the 2 young children spend much of the day in their PJs. One day they weren't dressed until 5 pm! The children are only dressed when they are going out. We find this very odd!

I agree that it’s not appropriate for her to appear on your screen like that but here’s a thought - if she’s just fled Ukraine, does she possess enough day time clothing to wear, allowing for laundering and drying?

Hmmm…

I finally got round to having a shower and getting dressed at 2pm today. It’s my first proper day off in two weeks from working two jobs. Does that make me gross, lazy and unacceptable?

The OP has a point, and I agree that it’s perfectly reasonable to insist her visitor either stays in her room or dresses appropriately around the house. But some of the judgemental attitudes on here are rather mean-spirited. What harm does it do anyone if people choose to dress in ways we wouldn’t?

I would not put up with it I know you are working but just imagine if you had visitors. I would have to say it’s not what we do here and suggest she dresses before she comes down stairs.
It’s a very common thing to see here women walking around in public in pjs and rollers in. It’s gross and lazy and unacceptable but it’s an everyday occurrence.

One of the reasons I haven't offered to host a refugee is that for the last 15 years I have hosted young people from all over the world - I have a Czech girl staying now who got up for breakfast an hour or more after I had washed up mine and I realise how intolerant I have become since living on my own so in your situation I would probably tell the dressing gown wearer that I cannot work with this apparition walking through my office.
What does she do all day?

She should get dressed.

No idea why anyone wants to wear a dressing gown all day.

Another who is in agreement to what Franbern says .

Totally in agreement with Franbern

Franbern ... I agree with you 100%
Peacelily ... are you liasoning with anyone while she is living with you ? If you are mention it to them, as this is not acceptable, out of courtesy to you she she get dressed, you have opened your home to her , I admire you for doing that, but she must abide by certain things, your home & getting dressed is certainly what she she do while living with you

Shandy57

I agree with DollyD, I think a plain statement is best.

I was astounded yesterday. I was in Newcastle city centre, and two girls were at the bus stop at 12 noon in their pyjamas, one of them had a big fluffy dressing gown on as well.

My goodness they must have been roasting in the recent heatwave!!
Yes your home your rules, I would definitely tell her again and say it is not an option to do her own thing.

Well said Franbern, peacelily, this lady is a guest in your house. Walking around in a short dressing gown when you are trying to work and receive video calls is unacceptable. First a gentle chat to explain the situation and see if that has the desired effect - if not a firm approach will be needed. I understand this lady has endured great distress and hardship but the fact remains she must respect your rules. I can imagine being tough is not easy but she is taking liberties ! Don't put up with it and tell her she should dress each morning !

I agree with DollyD, I think a plain statement is best.

I was astounded yesterday. I was in Newcastle city centre, and two girls were at the bus stop at 12 noon in their pyjamas, one of them had a big fluffy dressing gown on as well.

I agree with you Franbern.
For over twenty years I have housed vulnerable young adults in my own home, through an homeless charity, until they are housed.
Part of the agreement they sign is that they will be appropriately dressed during the day, unless in their room or bathroom.
It is better for mental health to get dressed, unless you are ill, even if only a tee shirt and jogging bottoms and we are asked to encourage our supported lodgers to go out of the house most days, even just a short walk, bus ride or trip to the supermarket, to acquaint themselves with the area.
How I would word it Peacelily is to just plainly say that you’re sure she won’t mind you mentioning it but you would like her to be dressed if she comes down stairs during the day, apart from early morning or evening. You don’t need to apologise or give her a reason, just a plain statement.

I am sorry but I do disagree with some of the comments on here. Does not matter what she has been through at home, she is actually a guest in your house, and does need to abide by some rules.

You do need to sit down with her and politely, but firmly explain that dressing gowns are to be worn in the evening, or early in the morning - but during the day normal dress is required.

When I fostered children -and many of those had been through horrendous traumatic situations, they had to obey the rules of my home. This is no different just because it is an adult - in fact they should be willing to show their appreciation of your generosity in opening up your home to them.

Maybe they don't bother about that in Ukraine? Lots of people don't here and I know a lot of people who WFH did that during lockdowns. I would try and position myself so it doesn't pick her up. Doesn't sound ideal if someone who is not employed at your work is present during work video calls though.

???love it gagajo

I have a 2 bed house so it's a small space and I'm downstairs working in the open plan area of the house (kitchen and living space). I agree she's just been through turmoil and she needs her R&R, so I'll keep going with it for now and if it becomes a real problem, I'll have a quiet word.