Dressing gown all day?!

It's all just teething issues.
I'm glad everything is settling down now, Peacelily.

I hope she settles in well and can find some work which she enjoys. She must have been traumatised and knows what is still happening to her beloved country.

Just ask her to get dressed by a reasonable time and not walk behind your monitor.
I got caught out by this. on a visit to DD I was helping with supper I did not realise GD had been talking to friends on FaceTime on the Kitchen table.DD has tried to stop her.
I bent forward in a rather slippery v necked tunic to pick something up and some child 2000 miles away got a good flash of my ample bussom and heard some colourful experlatives. DGD had forgotten to switch the computer off and the friend was still there. It is now switched off.

I've been relaxed about this situation as generally, this lady is determined to create a great new life for herself and she's coming across as sensible and proactive.
I'm encouraging her to go out for walks with some of my neighbours and friends and yesterday, got her out on a bike we found her, which she really enjoyed. Job vacancies are starting to come through and she has shown interest in finding something that will utilise her skills.
I've moved my laptop camera round and she knows not to come too near me if I've got my conference call headphones on now. It's all just teething issues.
I think I've actually been really lucky with how harmonious things are in the house and just because I get up at 6am, have a shower and change into smart day clothes doesn't mean everyone else has to have the same standard, especially when their apartment and entire city has been blown up. :-)

Does she need to enter the living room while you are making video calls? With such an attire your viewers will be wondering what kind of establishment you are running! Obviously if she’s not seen she can indeed wear her dressing gown all day, like I do till I go out.

Sadly, culture and parenting differences are bound to arise

Expecting refugees to adjust automatically is unrealistic

I have to agree with biglouis, I really admire the people who have opened their homes to the refugees but I could never do it. I know someone who has taken in a mother and her 8 year old son and whilst it is working out ok there is a problem with the child. The mother thinks it is ok to send her son on his own to the park down the road while she goes out for long periods of time. In the end the host is looking after the boy or going with him to the park despite explaining to his mother that it is not what responsible parents do in this country. This is causing stress in the house and I wonder if, in the rush to be a good person, people hadn't fully thought the pitfalls through.

The reasons posted upthread are why I almost never invite people to stay with me. Nor do I stay with others if I can help it. I would never take strangers into my home.

Not advice really but not sure what you expected of your guest. I'm sure lots of Refugees have integrated well however I'm saying this because a) one of our DDs neighbours has taken in a young family and they are having regrets and b) we also know someone who is helping out with placements and he says a few are breaking down and in some cases the LA has had to step in to offer alternative accommodation. I understand from DD her neighbours problems are Mum not getting up to see to her young children. Going out on her own leaving children behind and basically using family as unpaid babysitters and all round domestics. I think wearing pjs all day is a minor issue compared to some. I'm afraid you may need to stress your house rules if she wants to stay.

Maybe she is bored with nothing to do all day? Can you take her out for walks each day, or to the shops?
When you are WFH, can you get out at Lunch time with her?

I know it’s early days but surely she isn’t going to be at home all day with nothing to do?

lemsip

if you want to stay in a dressing gown all day at least get washed/showered then put it back on if want

I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to tell fully functioning adults when to wash/shower.

if you want to stay in a dressing gown all day at least get washed/showered then put it back on if want

Calendargirl

She should get dressed.

No idea why anyone wants to wear a dressing gown all day.

I’m in my dressing gown now, 8.05 Sunday morning. I would love to stay like this all day. It’s so comfortable. I will probably bow to convention and get dressed soon, poor pathetic conformist creature that I am.

well, think of putting rules in place before offering your home to a stranger!

On a purely personal level I dont see any kind of a link between dressing in a particular kind of way and being "ready for the day". I wouldnt go out in the street in PJs and hair curlers but only because I dont own any curlers or PJs. One of the great things about being older is that youve earned the right to dress and do as you please (within the law). If others want to be judgemental thats their problem.

However the question revolved around the OP and her business meetings and the impression that a stranger wandering by in skimpy garments may make. I would not hesitate to tell a "guest" to stay out of camera shot if she was walking about like that.

Chewbacca

If I've had a busy week, going out and about most days, there's nothing I like more than having the occasional pj and dressing gown day. There's nothing wrong with my "mental health"; I'm just a lazy bugger occasionally.

Me too. I will happily sit in my pjs and Oodie if I know I am going nowhere and having no visitors. I have a bath and change into clean pyjamas before bed. I wouldn't go out like that though, and wouldn't go on Zoom either.

I don't understand the link between wearing pjs and mental health. I can see that those with depression might not want to get dressed, but I don't think that not wanting to get outdoor clothes dirty and creased means that someone is depressed.

Personally, I wouldn't care if a visitor wanted to stay in her dressing gown all day, but I wouldn't be happy to have her appearing on a Zoom meeting at all (dressed or otherwise). I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask her to stay out of the way when you are working.

Why don't you just blur your background on your lap top, so all people can see is you...
Thats what I do if my rooms a mess when I'm on a teams meeting..... I stay in my dressing gown all day if its my day off and I'm cleaning the house....I may have a shower around 4pm then get dressed.. or I may just put fresh pjs on 8f I'm staying in....very judgy people on this thread ?

The issue isn't really what she's wearing, but that she comes into view on the screen when you're working!

It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask her to desist, regardless of the layout of your working area.

I was surprised the first time I heard the GC were having a pyjama day, thinking about it I suppose it was relaxing.
I think you have to adjust where you sit if you can. I admire you taking in a complete stranger.

Its only been 2 weeks..leave her be -she is traumatised and think some of the GNs comments are really harsh! And I also love a dressing gown day when not going out...also might add, when i was severely depressed i couldn't be bothered ..you don't really know the extent of her mental health issues! She's not a holiday guest in a B&B..

I’m still in my dressing gown at about 12 minutes to 1 pm.

In mitigation, for those more censorious GNers, I did have a very busy day and evening yesterday, and I promise I’m going upstairs now, to make myself presentable. (Also in case anyone comes to the door, of course…).

Gagajo that did make me smile ! I agree with those who are saying that she is a guest in your home that you have been very kind to welcome and could wear at least a t shirt and comfortable joggers in the day time.

I sleep naked and wear long loose kaftans around the house with no underwear. Same if guests come. My house, my rules. Ive even been known to just throw a coat on top and go by taxi to someone's house wearing a kaftan. However they do cover me up completely with all the bulges and naughty bits hidden.

If I've had a busy week, going out and about most days, there's nothing I like more than having the occasional pj and dressing gown day. There's nothing wrong with my "mental health"; I'm just a lazy bugger occasionally.

If I was a stranger in someone else’s home I’d certainly get dressed.
If she is deliberately sauntering past you whilst you are on a video call, wearing a very short dressing gown, maybe she has more confidence than you think!

Your house your rules.

This poor lady may feel that she has no reason to get dressed for, being a stranger in someone’s home, relying on charity cannot be easy.