grand daughter

My DGS is very hit and miss. He was very cuddly as a baby and toddler but is 4 now and only tolerates cuddles. Sometimes I'm wonderful, sometimes he hates me.

I think it's the age. I certainly don't let it upset me. I adore him. It's what he needs and I'm happy to give to him, even if it's a one way street at times

luluaugust

Slightly different angle, small children can be worried you are old, they have vague ideas that old people go away and don't come back. It maybe she has heard something at nursery or just adult chat at home. My GC used to have fun working out ages and the higher the number the more fun. Lots of play and chat seem the way to go.

Conversation with grandson.

DGS: 'Gaga, are you going to die?'

Gaga: 'Not yet I hope.'

DGS: 'Soon?'

Gaga: 'No, not for a long time.'

DGS: 'On Wednesday?'

I think your comments were a bit harsh Hithere. There was absolutely nothing in Nanou’s post to suggest she expected her granddaughter to ‘perform’, but she is, very understandably a bit upset in the little girl’s change of behaviour towards her.

Nanou came on here asking for advice, and as others have quite rightly said, small children can behave like that, and then suddenly change back to their normal loving selves.

I hope you soon get your normal loving granddaughter back Nanou!

3 year old GS yesterday. “You’re not a lady, you’re Nini” ?

nanou she's a child and children are experimenting and finding out about the world. You could look on it as a compliment, she's sure enough of your affection that she is testing the boundaries to find out what happens. If she says something inappropriate just say something like "well that isn't a nice thing to say" but without making a big fuss.
You could also try being occupied with something and not available to play with her, take a book or some knitting or sewing to do. Give her 5 mins help setting up something for her to play with and then sit down with your book. I bet she'll be demanding you play with her very quickly.

I have a four year old granddaughter, and two older ones. If you think four year olds are fickle, you’ll need to gird your loins for puberty!

They all have - as you’d expect- different personalities, and enjoy or respond better to different things, but even within that, they respond differently depending g on a whole shedload of other factors: if they’re tired; if they’ve had a bad day at school, or a row with one of their sisters; if they wanted to do something other than be with me that day… Just, in fact, like all the factors that affect how adults feel.

Kids, especially at four, don’t have the filters, or the social conditioning, to know that it’s considered inappropriate to allow those feelings to affect their behaviour.

I think young children are very blunt after all it's to be expected, tact usually comes at a later stage. Of course we, as grandparents, are old to them. Loads of personal remarks, which they don't couch in the most tactful way, but those are the ones that usually give us a laugh. For example, when my husband was kneeling down doing up granddaughter's shoes when she was aged about 3, "grandad did you know you've grown through your hair?" when noticing bald patch. His response "yes it's because I've got loads of brains and they need the fresh air" which satisfied her somewhat.

My husband tells me when he was carrying his daughter aged about 2, a woman coming towards them had unfortunate elephantine legs, which daughter had honed in on, in a nano second he knew, sure enough in her highest pitched voice "why has that woman got big fat legs?"

Hi Nanou ,

I'm sure that you are a fantastic grandmother ,who is trying to please her .

You really don't know what's going on with your little granddaughter .
She might be upset about something .

Don't worry about it . Being rejected is confusing and painful .
I'm NOT saying that your granddaughter has the same problem , but one of mine has a degree of
aspergers though her diagnosis is confusing .
Here's what I do , but her other grandmother doesn't and it's caused massive problems with baby sitting .
She grabs hold of her and it's all kissy kissy grannie or she won't like you .

I approach very gently :

And then , I set up my art table or I get the cake ingredients out .
You can't see her for dust to get to the activities .

Let her come to you -she'll see that Grandna is wonderful .

Madgran @ 08.28, I completely agree with you; but it wasn't unusual!
Nanou littlies are constantly changing as they grow, acquiring new social skills and who's important and constant in their lives. When one of my GC went through a similar phase, I started having a new sticker book or colouring book in my bag that I was "just about to have a look at but would probably need a bit of help with". They couldn't resist and it worked every time! The phase really doesn't last long.

Thank you Luluaugust and Gingster and all the others, very good advices. You have all reassured me, children react very differently.

This is a form of shyness, I should think, and very common indeed in children of her age.

Anyone they don't see daily is a "stranger" to be viewed with caution. She is not old enough to know what being grandmother and grand daughter means.

Smile and say hullo, then keep your distance and let her come to you. When she does, you could try asking, "Would you like to sit here with me, so we can look at this book together?" Provide yourself with a suitable book in advance - it doesn't have to be new - it could even be one of hers.

Don't be hurt if she says "No!" In time she will get over this phase.

Terribull my youngest was ‘doing my make up’ a few months ago.

‘It’s taking a long time’, she explained, ‘because you have so many lines to fill in’.

Zonne don't you just love 'em!

Chewbacca yes, but there’s a fair bit of eye-rolling involved!

GagaJo

luluaugust

Slightly different angle, small children can be worried you are old, they have vague ideas that old people go away and don't come back. It maybe she has heard something at nursery or just adult chat at home. My GC used to have fun working out ages and the higher the number the more fun. Lots of play and chat seem the way to go.

Conversation with grandson.

DGS: 'Gaga, are you going to die?'

Gaga: 'Not yet I hope.'

DGS: 'Soon?'

Gaga: 'No, not for a long time.'

DGS: 'On Wednesday?'

GagaJo this made me laugh. Reminds me of my 2 younger GC!

Madgran @ 08.28, I completely agree with you; but it wasn't unusual!

No not unusual Chewbacca and not helpful either! I don't get why it is thought necessary!!

I used your "Sticker book I might need some help with" idea too Chewbacca ...works a treat!! Another tactic to have up your sleeve Nanou

Yes four year olds can be very fickle. I was very close to mine at that age but one day when her mum was at work and I was looking after her, there was a GP appointment for her and I had to take her as her Daddy did not make it home from work in time as planned. She screamed the place down. She wanted Daddy, and was distraught. It is the only time she took against me. Don't worry. She will be fine.

Thank you to all the Grans. Great support and great advices. I'm very grateful.

Keep your chin up Nanou lots of changes to come she ll probably adore you at 8 then at 14 get a boyfriend and forget who you are ??

this is in the AIBU section.

welbeck

this is in the AIBU section.

What is your point welbeck?

BlueBelle

Keep your chin up Nanou lots of changes to come she ll probably adore you at 8 then at 14 get a boyfriend and forget who you are ??

Made me laugh this comment Bluebelle, but so very true. I was very close to one particular g.daughter. Mum was (is) single parent with career. It was me who could get her to sleep as a baby, holding her in my arms walking up and down, it was me who could get her to eat as toddler, we had some wonderful outings together. It was me she phoned when Mum was going through a crisis.

Her 'grandma' days and sleepovers were always a time of excitement and happiness for us both.

Then she became a teenager, .Not needing me to collect after school, or take to after-school activities, she would go on bus with friends.

Normal behavior as she grew up. Now, at Uni, and with a boyfriend, has recently asked if she and boyfriend can come to stay with me for a few days during summer - I am delighted.

Another g.child, the youngest in a family of four and very much a Mummy's boy - quite obviously disliked me when I visited them, as Mum would sit and talk (and even come out) with me. He was very jealous. Understandable. Just needed to wait a few years for him to become a teenager and spend most of his time at home in his own bedroom, and not caring who was visiting his Mum.

Children do see age differently from us. DGD2, aged about 7, saying I was old and would I die soon? Said I had no plans at present, which satisfied her for a few minutes, and then she said, “Well, if nobody ever died it would be very crowded, wouldn’t it?” and then skipped happily off.

I empathise.
My gd is the same age and has recently gone 'off' us both, from being very affectionate.
I was bearing this by saying that it was a stage she was going through. But unfortunately we went to a family party with the other gp's. And she adores them. Very loving. Us? Well she didn't even say hello or goodbye.
My other gc are younger and I dread them doing the same thing.
I feel devastated.

The effect that other people's behaviour has on some posters is worrisome

Feeling devastated because a child did paying attention to you is disproportionate

Why leave your morale and wellbeing in the hands of others?