School reports

I have a vague memory that my mother wanted to see our children’s reports, but we weren’t very comfortable about it - just felt a bit intrusive. Now that I have grandchildren it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask to see reports. Showing interest in how they’re getting on in school and in other areas of their life is a different matter.
I think we might not have shown our children’s reports to their siblings either - one was very academic and got excellent reports, 2 others were of the “could do better” type, so it could lead to teasing etc! Also, as far as we were concerned they were a private communication between teachers and parents.

Look back at your own school reports (if you still have them) and you may have a good laugh.

They will probably bear no relation to what you achieved, what career path or hobbies you pursued in later life.

Just been sent my DGS’s sats results. They are good.
Not sure if they would have been shared otherwise.?
Didn’t give them any thought before the photo arrived but I have sent congratulations.
I didn’t send my children’s reports to my M&D and I am not aware that my GP’s knew how brilliant I was. (Note the past tense- I peaked too early!)

I always saw my grandsons school reports, as did my mum.
I suppose, for my girl, just someone to share them with.

Good lord, is this something people do - show reports to GP’s? I never showed my dc’s reports to their GP’s and I’ve never seen any of my GC’s reports, apart maybe from a nursery school report. It’s never occurred to me to want to see them.

I think it's the 'it's always happened and now it doesn't' bit that hurts. Often with no explanation. Our daughter has, quite rightly, never considered her child's education any of our business. She's their child, not ours. However, when DGD was at school/uni we were always shown reports/grades etc. We never asked. However if it had stopped abruptly it would have been hurtful.

I'm sure your son has a good reason for not showing you the report.
Whatever it is, it won't be that you are 'not part of the family'.
Enjoy your visit with your son and don't look for difficulties where there aren't any.

You may not have been getting at me, but believe me. M0nica, I do not play an intrusive part in family life. As I’ve said, I live many miles from my sons/ grandchildren. I don’t see them all that often. I’m always amazed by the people who complain because they only see their grandchildren once a month. If only…..

We are all interested and involved in education, though, so that tends to be discussed.

School reports are always very formulaic and meaningless. Our Ds and DDiL will tell us bits and pieces from Parents Evenings and several problems that may be genetic in origin have also been discussed between us.

I find the intrusive part some grandparents play in family life these days quite weird. When I got married, my parents immediately respected our autonomy and the exclusiveness and allowed us to stand on our own feet.

I extended the same courtesy to my DS and DDiL. and what they invite us to be part of, or tell us we treat with confidence, we would only ever look at something, we were explicitly invited to.

I am with Monica and Auntieflo . I never showed our children’s reports to their grandparents (it would never have occurred to me.) I do see those of my older grandchildren because they live with us but not of the younger four. I have always thought that they were for the parents only. It is not fair to show them especially if they are not particularly encouraging.

I can understand why you are hurt Grandma70s. As I said, we were always shown them. However, other things that have 'always happened' with our daughter and her family, have suddenly stopped with no explanation. It's rather thoughtless but we have to accept it.

Wow, just wow! You don’t feel like you are being treated as part of the family because you are not being shown your GS report? My heart weeps when I read how some posters are treated by their children, you really need to put this in perspective because as your GC become older there will be a lot of things that will not be shared with you.

Auntieflo

I am like M0nica, in that we have never seen any of our grandchildrens school reports. It never even occurred to me that we might.
My parents never saw our childrens reports either.
Is it usual?

It’s usual in our family. Has been up to now, anyway!

I haven’t seen one in 17 years and three GC. If I’m lucky I might get a potted verbal report of parents evening. My GP never saw my reports either.

eazybee

My parents never saw my children's reports and my grandparents never saw mine. I am surprised your grandson has waited this long before objecting.

Same here. It wouldn't have occurred to me to show my children's reports to their grandparents. If they had had particularly good reports, I may have mentioned it as part of a conversation, but that would have been it.

My parents never saw my children's reports and my grandparents never saw mine. I am surprised your grandson has waited this long before objecting.

We saw their school reports when they were at primary school but from Y7onwards I don't suppose they want grandparents to see them.

They're all computer generated now, not like the good old days when they were handwritten, individual and usually consisted of 'could try harder', 'daydreams' but very occasionally witty.

I am like M0nica, in that we have never seen any of our grandchildrens school reports. It never even occurred to me that we might.
My parents never saw our childrens reports either.
Is it usual?

I don't see being a part of a family gives anyone the right to know everyone’s business.

It is a shame that he feels he cannot show you but must have his reasons.

I should add that my son isn’t coming to see me because of the report! He’s coming because it’s the last chance before they go to France for a long stay. I won’t bring the subject up at all - he may.

Think the older GC get they become more private and don't want grandparents to share so much of their private lives...Only natural....

Once they got to high school, I found it difficult to de-code the grading system which, I gather, is based on what the child might be aiming for (or should be aiming for) on the GCSE scale of 9 - 1. I'm always happy to see the messages sent home, praising a child's performance or progress in a particular subject. When I was at school, my report showed my % in exams and tests and - invidiously - my place in the class in each subject and overall.
If I were you, I'd forget the report. There is probably a good reason why your GC doesn't want to share it.

I have never seen my grandchildren's school reports. it would never occur to that I should.

We get shown our GDs when they are good, so mostly. We don’t ask about the others.

It never occurred to me to show school reports to grandparents and I never see my GDC's reports now, although my DC do tell me how things are going.

Please don't let this upset you and accept whatever information your son wants to share with you.