Disaster on holiday

Therapy, trauma counselling. If everyone who’d thrown a drunken punch were to do this I don’t know where we’d be.

Alfie
Don’t worry ? this will sort itself out. It’s just a matter of time.

Thank you for your reply. It’s so good to get perspective from others who are seeing it from the outside- at times it’s all too easy to be suffocated by one own thoughts/guilt etc. Forever grateful for your wisdom

I don't think either of your daughters need therapy or trauma counselling..

But, they do need to get themselves a swift dose of realism, about the various problems illnesses can cause. Especially if it affects the mental state of someone.

Frankly, I'd concentrate on you and your husband, let them get on with their sulking, and hopefully they will grow up soon.?

Best wishes ?

I have read all the posts Alfiefreddy1 and concur with views regarding your daughter's lack of conciliation being unreasonable and hurtful.
May I wish you and your husband a peaceful way forward and hopefully some grown up behaviour from those young women?

So grateful for your valuable feedback. Yes they certainly had/have their fair share of drunken evenings! Yes I will concentrate on DH and wait for them to contact us.

I too agree.
They are entitled to be embarrassed and hurt, I think they can be forgiven for that
But not for the way they are treating you and their dad, not kind behaviour at all.

I agree, MawtheMerrier

Perhaps your kinder daughter might be in touch soon, Alfiefreddy, in the meantime you can do nothing but wait as they are feeling self-righteous.
They need to gain a little more sympathy and understanding.

In the meantime, you both have to concentrate on getting your husband's condition stabilised and you both feeling calmer.
Good luck.

May I say with all due respect that I think the daughters are being incredibly “holier than thou” about the incident? It seems it was a medically aggravated isolated incident and they have over reacted like maiden aunts catching the vicar getting squiffy at a vicarage garden party. Did they never have “one too many” as teenagers? If not, they must be the only young people in history not to do so! The daughter who clocked her father has nothing to get on her high horse about and this massive over reaction should not be pandered to by further apology or any sort of pleading or grovelling on OP’s part.
The girls need to grow up, lighten up and learn to live in the real world. I do not condone verbal or physical violence in any form or indeed actual drunken behaviour but we see worse every week on the likes of Corrie or ‘Enders.
Let them cool down , the incident was regrettable but for anybody to suggest she needs therapy or counselling is frankly OTT.
Well perhaps she does, but not for the reason she thinks.

Hello to all the lovely people who have sent msgs over the last few days of my family crisis. Here is an update : DHs blood tests have shown he is prediabetic and this include a higher blood range for hypoglycaemia. This probably went a long way to explain his out of character confused and aggressive behaviour during the course of the hideous day it all went wrong add to Thais severe dehydration….. Our DDs are not communicating with us at all still. It’s heartbreaking as it’s the very last thing we wanted to happen especially as they we talking about getting married etc I have tried to call but my call isn’t answered. Now I’m just waiting. I’m sad and devastated it’s come to this but I’m also beginning to feel cross by their lack of care for us.

What a dreadful time you and your DH have had, and I have to agree with GrandmaFrench and others who say that your DDs behaviour, especially that of the eldest, was atrocious. Would they behave the same if their Father had Alzheimer's and acted strangely? These girls need to apologise to you, to their Father. I assume you and DH paid for this holiday too? Either of them offered to pay you back for the ruined holiday? No, didn't think so. You need to concentrate on your poor DH, his health, your mental health and let these two rather selfish (sorry) girls of yours stop making this whole distressing episode about themselves.

Babs758 poster said if her husband Says he will not drink alcohol again

What a sad situation! Firstly you did well to remove yourself and husband from that toxic holiday situation. Your eldest daughter was certainly out of order. I hope the medical report shows clearly what your husband is suffering from. Has he stopped the red wine drinking for now and, if not, any signs of changes in behaviour? I am in BP pills and Grapefruit juice was the only thing I was warned against.

I think DDs and bfs will have lost all respect for us both

I suspect they are more likely still in shock. Once things have settled, you have the blood tests and your husband shows that he is willing to do the therapy, you might find that you and your husband will earn that respect ten fold. Just give it time.

If one of the boyfriends was willing to hug your husband you might find that he will be a voice of reason which will penetrate in time. Try to focus on assisting your husband first. Once he has made progress, maybe your could approach your younger daughter again who will have had time to process the original incident and your husband's subsequent behaviour to put things right.

I think DDs and bfs will have lost all respect for us both

I think that, if this was out of character, they should be more understanding if they realise he was unwell at the time.

Sorry to say this, but I think your older daughter was completely out of order to hit her father unless he was attacking her and it was self-defence.

Thank you all so much again for your support. I will report back on blood results. Although as I’ve already mentioned I strongly believe the whole sorry tsunami was caused by a combination of lack of sleep, stress, dehydration, alcohol and a hypoglycaemic attack ( masked by all of the above). I will, if I can, send health report copies to our daughters but how awful that I should feel that I have to. I think DDs and bfs will have lost all respect for us both.

Will you come back after the blood test and tell us the results alfiefreddy ? if those results come back as expected perhaps a brief note and a copy of the results to both daughters then wait and see.
I sincerely hope time heals this but I m not too confident about the older daughter fingers firmly crossed for you all
X

Delirium causes the mind to go all over the place, regardless of what caused it.

The poor man couldn't help it!

Your daughters really need to grow up, stop making it all about them, and support you both.

DD and myself had nearly a fortnight of DHs delirium, it was horrendous, but we both understood what was going on, especially after the delirium doctor and nurse explained it all to us.

But, neither of us took it personally, and now, 8 months on, we all have a laugh about the whole saga - it was absolutely nuts.?

DHs delirium was "infection led" and nothing to do with alcohol - he'd been in hospital a week before all this started.

For what it's worth, my DH has been on BP medication for over 20 years, and enjoys red wine, It's never had any effect, and medics have never said not to mix the two.?

Concentrate on yourselves, and let your daughters sort themselves out.

Best wishes. ?

I agree with Grandmafrench!!

If your eldest DDs OH did ONE thing wrong, would've just throw him to the wayside?? I think not, so why does she expect this of you? Is she hoping you'll be on your own and at her bidding?

You've apologised and explained, your DH has done the same, now it's up to your children to grow up and accept this was a one off incident in a very long, and mostly happy, marriage!!!

Take care of yourself and your husband, Alfiefreddy1.

I recently witnessed a man in the throes of a hypoglycaemic attack. It was shocking, culminating in terrible violent scenes that were threatening to all present. He had no idea this was happening and, after the correct treatment from a medic, he gradually returned to near normal with no recollection of what had happened. Luckily no one present was close enough to him to take things personally, unlike you and your family.

If during a similar attack your daughter believed your husband would punch you, I can understand her punching him in an effort to defend you. Not nice, but circumstances were extreme.

Unfortunately, during your own awful incident I imagine everyone present was pushed beyond their normal rational selves, old feelings were triggered, and the whole family was left in shock. As others have said, you all need to be given a chance to recover, each in your own way.

You and your husband have done everything you can for now. Try to be easy on yourselves. I really feel for you. Sometimes you can’t put everything right for everyone, much as you’d like to.

My DH contracted delirium during a recent serious illness. We had a fortnight of uproar with the things he said.

My daughter (his step daughter) were subjected to unbelievable abuse and accusations.

But, he was very I'll, is now mortified,but we all understood it wasn't "him" - it was the illness.

Thank you you are all amazing and I will take your advice utterly snd completely. I so wanted the holiday to work but dds certainly didn’t go the extra miles to move on after the event. With thanks and love to all x

Yes all the symptoms of a hypoglycaemic attack are so obvious- all of the above and sometimes if he doesn’t eat for a while he becomes very shaky sweaty and confused. He has a blood test booked for Monday so hopefully this will show up. In the meantime thank you for taking the time and effort to reply/comment- gives me so much strength.

Was it the older daughter's boyfriend who wouldn't look at you? Just wondering what if anything he's been told about your son.
Your husband's comments might have been an eye-opener to him and he doesn't know how to respond.
I did home care for two years for social services, no previous experience at all, and my goodness that was an education. I had no idea of the issues people have to contend with behind closed doors regarding disability and personal care.

Why do our adult children expect us to be Supermum and Superdad all the time still?
Time some of them grew up and understood that we are fallible human beings who sometimes need their help and support.

I agree that you've both apologised enough now.
Focus on your husband, he's the one that needs your love and care at the moment.